To have another child when my kids are 10 and 8?

[SongSingers]

DH and I would love to have another child. We always wanted 3 children (if we were able to) but the opportunity hasn’t been there to have the 3rd until now. We have 2 DC who are 10 and 8 and we are both 35. I suppose I’m scared that now we’ve left it too long to have another so wanted some honest opinions. Thanks.

But I have been clear it's hard work. Not making a fairy tale out of it. Lots of sacrifices have to be made. Ultimately OP will know what's right.

They don't but a sizeable proportion do. All three of ours went but we expected that. A majority of family from our generation onwards are graduates.

It's far from the end of the road though! This is an undertaking for life basically! Elder two went to uni and came back for various reasons. One is buying a house, so living at home to save. We're 100% funding the 25 year old to study in Europe for a year. The youngest is still living at home while at uni. You never stop to think of these things when you think about cute little babies!

I know two in my family who got degrees, and never used them! So many do this. Utterly wasting resources. I have more appreciation for those doing an apprenticeship in the trades tbh. At least they're putting their skills to good use. Need more plumbers, joiners, sparkies and brickies.

I do too! I would be so disappointed if one of my kids did that. I agree with you about trade apprenticeships. Those guys earn way more than many graduates and often they get to be their own boss too, which means a lot!

However, you can't know in advance what they're going to want to do in life, and you have to think long-term about how you will manage.

You never stop to think of these things when you think about cute little babies!

It's almost as if it doesn't occur to these broody posters that cute little babies grow up.

@Vettrianofan DD will definitely be using her healthcare related masters when she graduates.

My2 DDs were 3 years apart and never played together. It's not guaranteed

A friends daughter did her maths degree, went on a 6 month travel after graduation. Came back pregnant with her eldest. 10 years on and on child 4 she's never had a job never mind a career

Only you can decide. I have 8 years between my youngest and eldest and I don't regret having a 3rd but, from bitter experience, please consider how you will cope if one becomes ill or disabled (or both). Also, don't underestimate how much extra work a 3rd is.

Personally I wouldn't, mine are 11 and 8 and they are so funny, clever, we have actual conversations, and they are soooo much more independent now, no way I would want to be hyper vigilant again with a baby/toddler.

I have 3 of similar age gap. Its been tricky, but good. We have found it worked well for oldest 2 as youngest kept us at home more. So those who say you don't have time for older ones -true to some extent and the opposite is true to another extent. We definitely had to be more intentional with our time for older DC. Eg going on trips out 1-1.

One of many who do this. That's where all that wasted money goes to. I would have more respect if she'd earned money at Aldi after finishing school.

I would say go for it but have teo as there’s a large age gap between my older children and my you hear and I really wish I’d had another close in age to get as they feel like they’re in a house full of adults with no other children and would live a sibling close in age…. They have another friend in the same position who feels exactly the same

I’m sure your respect bothers her not at all, the fault isn’t hers but a society that makes children think unless they go to university they have failed. A system that forces kids to chose academics their entire childhood with so much pressure and no breathing space to just be happy and be kids.

I can't argue with that viewpoint. It's true - academics above all else is forced through all the time. There are so many other routes to success.

I chose four as three is an odd number. I was thinking of my third born being on his own and didn't want that for him. He has lots in common (but also squabbles!) with his younger sibling 😂

I was the 10 year old; my 8 year old sister and we absolutely loved having that new baby.

Bringing back the reality of that time, just so you know, my mum got PND for various reasons but one is that I think my Dad perhaps didn't quite readjust to having a newborn, and she was a bit overwhelmed. All OK in the end but make sure your DH is clear about supporting you.

My baby sister did have an imaginary friend. We played with her but we still did things more typical of our age that she couldn't join in with.

When I was going out/ being a bit irresponsible in my teens/early 20s, she was still quite little. Not a massive deal though. We didn't particularly expose her to bad language or inappropriate films etc. but that can happen if you don't watch it.

We're all middle-aged now and still very close.

I had my 4th neatly 4 months ago she wasn't planned but obviously wouldn't want it any other way now she's here, my other children are 15, 10 and 7 and they've loved her since the moment we brought her home, your decision if you want another baby, in my experience the age of thr others is irrelevant

Why?! Surely they will benefit from a younger sibling to love during these angsty teen years too and why can’t they go on more challenging holidays with one parent and the other stay with baby or they can leave baby with grandparents if they have that option .

I have 3 with a big age gap.

The main negative is that the older one tends to have to get on with it a lot more than he would have. Time is spread much more thinly and I do think DC1 would have a better mother if I didn’t have the other 2.

It’s also difficult to find days out, activities etc that all 3 can enjoy as the ages are so much different. Older DC doesn’t want to stand in the baby aread and the younger ones are too little for the big activities so we tend to have to split up a lot.

Hobbies are also harder, hanging about watching an older DC play sport isn’t easy with a crying baby.

There are many pros. I love them all, they all love eachother so much (the younger idolises the older!) and I didn’t really find having 3 particularly difficult but I do think the older child gets a raw deal with much younger siblings no matter how hard you try and prevent it.

Why would they have to do crappy baby activities and what’s wrong with them learning to be patient & adaptable? Who’s to say they won’t have enough money for 3?

@Kokomelonn so you have another child and end up having separate holidays, that’s not exactly bringing a family together

I’m the youngest of three with a very big age gap between us, brother and sister are very close in age.

I never felt left out or resented, I always felt loved and cherished and I remember so much fun with them both throughout my childhood. I was doted on by all their friends too 😂 We’re all close now in adulthood as well.

Don’t let the age gap decide for you. It could be great for the whole family.

It’s not the big moments, it’s the little moments that make a family. Not one holiday a year.