To have another child when my kids are 10 and 8?

[SongSingers]

DH and I would love to have another child. We always wanted 3 children (if we were able to) but the opportunity hasn’t been there to have the 3rd until now. We have 2 DC who are 10 and 8 and we are both 35. I suppose I’m scared that now we’ve left it too long to have another so wanted some honest opinions. Thanks.

Jesus Christ. Why should they be enlisted as babysitters to take the load off the parents who chose to have the baby? Fine if they want to do it, but I think it's so selfish to have a big age gap and then expect the elders to parent the youngers.

As the eldest, I hated supervising the baby. My parents, especially mum, were focused on the youngest.

My friend is 40 with a 17 year old and 11 year old and has just had another baby and is loving life she finds the physical side a little more tiring these days but the patience and knowledge from the other 2 more beneficial....go for it if thats what you both want.

My brother was 22 when I was born. You'll be fine

@SongSingers Look at it this way, you won’t ever regret having another child but there’s a big chance you’d regret NOT having another when that’s what you both want

I don’t think it would be fair on two you have personally. Enjoy them! You four can do so many lovely things now as a family that you wouldn’t be able to if you add a baby into the mix.

We have the same. I was the oldest of 4. My brother is 10 years younger. Even with 2 in between we were 2 pairs of two, never a four.

@MrsO3 quite a few people do regret having an extra child

Plenty of people regret their children for a whole variety of reasons.

Do they?! Wow 😳

How awful

Therefore, posters shouldn’t always recommend that you should just go for that extra child, every baby is a blessing, it’s all unicorns and flowers etc etc

My SIL did this. I mean they definitely love DC3 but from the outside it’s been a bit crap for their existing DC. Suddenly you’re totally limited by the needs/wishes of a baby/toddler. They are now 13, 11 and 3, so dad took the older two skiiing on their own at half term rather than take the toddler along etc. And DC2 has had increasing needs in the last few years that SIL and BIL have struggled to meet as they are preoccupied by juggling everything.

Of course. I think it's incredibly naive of you to think otherwise, tbh.

Children can destroy marriages. They can destroy your mental and physical health. Yes, they can be blessings too but let's not pretend everyone finds being a parent easy or that parenthood doesn't require a huge amount of work and sacrifice that not everyone finds easy to cope with.

I have at home 2 boys aged 13 & 16. Their sister is almost 3. They adore her. Last Sunday they organised "brothers & sister quality time" as they called it - they had juice and biscuits in bed whilst watching peppa pig with her 😍 🥲 they definitely do not feel resentful of her! 😇

I could have written this

I have 2 kids of 8 and 10 and I would love another baby. Unfortunately I'm 10 years older than you. Obviously it will change the dynamic of things but I think it can be really lovely. I think my kids would love another sibling even now and kids I know with this age gap actually get on a lot better than my 2 do!
Also may well have another good 5+ years to conceive but unless there is a reason not to try now and you are financially stable I would go for it sooner rather than later.

the difficulty in having three children is your youngest will become the middle child.

Parent them thoughtfully and the 'middle' child will never feel like one.

Mine doesn't feel at all that they're a 'middle child' although technically they are.

If you go in with your eyes open, in the full knowledge already of what being a parent involves, I don't see why you wouldn't have another baby.

I volunteer with a uniformed organisation. A new member this year is an 8 year old who I thought was an only child. I got chatting to the mum one night at pick-up and during the conversation discovered that there is an older brother who is on the same course as my DD1 but a year below so will be 14 years older than the child in my group. The course involves a year abroad and I asked whether the child had missed the older brother when he was abroad. The reply was yes and the mum added that they are very close. A few weeks ago I met the brother when he did drop off and pick up and he obviously loves his much younger sibling.

We did exactly this, I was the same age as you are and so were our kids. It was the best thing we ever did. Our DD will be 3 next month and she has brought so much joy and laughter to our lives. She also kept the big ones smaller for that little bit longer, they love to play with her and i never knew how much we needed her. Also having had the top two close together (18months gap) it’s been really lovely to enjoy each stage (even the harder ones) knowing it’s probably the last time and without having to juggle two. The big kids adore her and are so helpful with her. As an extra they were at her homebirth and I’ll always wonder if this has anything to do with the bond they have with her.

Personally @Playingintheshadow, yes, I do regret my sibling being born - their impact on my life was overwhelmingly negative. We were so skint, so tired (physically and emotionally) and I was pushed out of the family at a young age as I was 'big enough to not need any attention' I know DM regretted having them many, many times when they were smaller and extremely hard work - now it's a different story, they are very close, much more than DM & I.

I'm completely pro choice but I find this post quite distasteful:

Having a baby after a gap is less risky now in some respects. There are advanced medical checks that give more certainty that the child will be born healthy.
A well child will have less impact on the lives of your older children and they all should grow up to be happy, independent and friends.

It just sounds like the PP is suggesting that if all isn't well with the pre natal checks, the OP should get rid and start again - and 'they all should grow up to be happy, independent and friends' is just ridiculously optimistic! There are plenty of people who this doesn't happen to. Plus pre natal checks won't pick up conditions like ASD.

There are quite a few PP saying oh, the older children will LOVE a younger sibling, they will have a great time babysitting! And no matter how much the OP will say they won't ask the older siblings to babysit, it will inevitably happen - "just keep an eye on them for 10 minutes whilst I pop to the shops" etc. My personal experience of life with a toddler whilst I was a teenager was general tedium - everything had to accommodate their needs/ wants - plus trying to study in a small house and keep everything away from small, grabby fingers was a nightmare.

Ultimately I think the OP simply has a decision between heart and head - there's no real reason to have another baby other than 'DP and I want one' - she has two happy, healthy children and it depends whether she's willing to gamble their happiness on adding a much younger sibling to the mix. Personally I wouldn't (and haven't), but there you go.

My sister did this and whilst she'd never regret the last one, there was a sense that she could had her life back much sooner. The 10 and 8 year olds left home after ten years and she still has another ten years of child rearing to do. She sort of haven't thought of that when they were young and she was pregnant.

Agree with this. You have about 5 prime years of play and travel left with your two kids before they are teenagers. Having a newborn will limit your ability to live those years to the fullest.

I had this gap with my siblings- I was the youngest (well I still am!). I adored them, though we did have a different relationship to close siblings who do a lot together I think. We are close as adults. It’s just different. My three kids are very close in age, two of them do not get on very well, and although I live in hope that will improve with age- I can accept they are very different and that close relationship may not happen, despite a 2 year age gap.