To have another child when my kids are 10 and 8?

[SongSingers]

DH and I would love to have another child. We always wanted 3 children (if we were able to) but the opportunity hasn’t been there to have the 3rd until now. We have 2 DC who are 10 and 8 and we are both 35. I suppose I’m scared that now we’ve left it too long to have another so wanted some honest opinions. Thanks.

Just realized I messed up my SIl’s age in my first post! She’s 27 and my husband is 39. 🫢

Mine are 7, 16 and 17. When the youngest was tiny it was lovely…it’s harder now as they aren’t interested in him really.

Mine have never had to do this, he’s my child not theirs.

@EsmeSusanOgg it could also give you no idea at all as to how the relationship will pan out , if I had asked my ds when he was 16 as to how he would feel if I had a baby I could pretty much guarantee his response would have been negative. But him and his little ds , now 10, have a great relationship they play football and darts together and ds10 really looks up to his older brother,

8 and 10 are such great ages. They're grown up enough to do interesting stuff, and not yet teenagers. So probably the easiest age.
Plus they play together, they have built in company - which the new baby won't have (unless you have two babies, one now and one in two years, which genuinely might be easier than having one baby).
How will you feel having two teenagers and a 4 year old? Two early twenties and a teenager? (If the answer to this is "fantastic" then go for it! But otherwise, think carefully)

I haven’t RTFT but @SongSingers we had always wanted 3 or 4, stopped at 2 for many reasons and I never felt done particularly. We had a surprise baby when my other two were 13.5 and 10 and it was honestly the best thing that could have happened. I was older than you as well. Good luck if you decide to go for it.

Obviously it’s hard in some ways, I should have said! But the joy outweighs the hard bits for us at least. The kids can be as involved or not as they like.

I've got 25,21,16,13 and the biggest surprise blessing of 4 months.

I'm 42 too, but she is so loved. Still can't quite believe the curl ball that life has thrown but we are all so in love with her xx

My parents had a 12 year gap between my DBs . I as in the middle and was born in the same decade as the youngest. The boys are different generations and had nothing in common. I am the link between them.
My younger brother missed out on a lot as all the cousins were older. Mum returned to work full time whereas she had only been partime with us.
Parents friends didn't need sitters etc as they had older teenagers or kids had gone to Uni.

My cousins have a similar age gap and the three of them are all very close as adults, so it can work.

I have two toddlers and if we are going to have a third it would have to be now, not in 7 years' time, due to my age. But I think we are going to stop at two because we both work full-time and I want my children to be able to do extra curricular activities and so on when they are a bit older and I think with three children we'd just be trying to keep our heads above water the whole time and wouldn't have the time or the energy or the money for any nice-to-haves.

I am a bit sad that I'll never experience pregnancy again or have another baby though.

I'm the youngest. My sisters are 7 and 10 years older than me. I'm now 45, and we're all very close as adults and got along well as children. Yes, I was 'parented' a bit by the eldest (she wanted to, my parents didn't expect it) but we were, and are, close. I've never felt disadvantaged by the age gap, and neither have they.

A teen who stays up late and a toddler who wakes up early- no thanks!

Mine are 11 and 8 and there’s absolutely no way I’d go back to the baby stage, but I’m older than you (42). I like their ages now, they’re good company and we can go to interesting places etc. They also do lots of activities and a new baby would put a stop to lots of that mainly because of the financial implications of a third child, but also the time too.

True.

I know people with over a decade between them, who are close. And thsoe who are not. Same goes for siblings with small age gaps.

But they won't be wanting to do them with you!! Sounds like you'll always regret if if you don't- and you're still young enough. So what if there's a big age gap? There were 11 years between my mum and uncle.. was nothing as adults and they were so close.

I knew a guy who was absolutely amazing with babies. A wonderful Dad, totally natural rocking child to sleep etc. I asked him how come he was so good at it all, and he smiled and said ‘Mum had a baby when I was ten.’

Fhe age gap might be a bit tricky but you’d actually be doing your older children a huge favour in terms of teaching them what parenting a baby looks like.

More importantly, if you want another baby and don’t even try, you’d regret that.

Strangely enough this is also the age gap between me and my sisters and I had a more positive experience than you.

When I was small they were great. Indulgent big sisters who would often entertain me and read to me, they would also babysit sometimes. Of course they had their own lives and interests and spent time away with their friends.

By the time I was about 8/9 they had mostly left home so I did experience much of my later childhood and teenage years largely like an only child. However several times in my teen years it was a comfort to be able to get general growing up advice, from my eldest sister especially.

During my younger adulthood I would say we were friendly without being overly close. But as we get older I think we have a much stronger bond, especially since our parents died.

So whilst I can't comment on these age gaps from a parental POV, from a younger child in that scenario I would say it can work.

Was going to say very similar based on DH's experience. His youngest sibling is 8 years younger and he found it really difficult that all holidays/leisure activities reverted to having to be suitable for young children. That might sound like a minor thing but it left him feeling really unsupported/shut out, when he inevitably got bored and would be told he was ruining it for his sibling. I'm sure some families make it work fine, but I would ask yourself honestly how it will change things for your older DC and whether you are happy with all of those changes.

My 2 DC were 10 and 8 when I had a surprise pregnancy. The older 2 were really good with the baby. They are all grown up now and 2 boys who were my younger 2 DC are very close.

I had my DDs with this exact age gap. I was 38 when I had DD3 (she’s 13 now). She was intended and I always wanted a 3rd, it just took me a long time to persuade DH. It’s been a long haul and I can’t say it’s always been easy. Finding family activities, days out and holidays that suit everyone has been difficult. DD3 has felt like she’s the only child at times. At other times her sisters were a bit mean and resentful.
On the plus side, she’s a delight and I wouldn’t be without her.

Bumping to read later, in similar dilemma- glad not the only one!

As someone who was the eldest DC in this situation, I loathe these posts -
I say this as someone whose parents went for a third, sibling was born with severe additional needs and we were very poor for years because all their childcare plans had to change. I look back and it absolutely blighted my later childhood because there wasn't enough time/ money/ energy to go round - I had to do without basic things like a school coat and sanpro because we couldn't afford them.

I was really close to my DM and all of a sudden I was presented with a sibling I hadn't wanted and whose needs were very much greater than mine (which would be the same for any baby - but theirs will always be more). I went from having a happy, reasonably normal life to one which was completely ruled by my sibling; I was having an utterly miserable time following the move to secondary school and just wanted my mum, but she was far too tired/ busy to spend any time with me. Sadly we never recovered that closeness and I moved out as early as I could.

Please, OP - you have two DC who have no idea what impact a much younger sibling (or siblings - how would you cope if it's twins?) would have on their life - I really don't understand why you'd want to go back to the baby stage now when it would be so tricky for family life. You may be able to cope financially but emotionally would be a whole different kettle of fish!

Do you regret having your sibling?

I have 3 living siblings. My mother had 5 babies by the time she was 28. One died days after birth. All the other children were fine, until at the age of 7, one developed the epilepsy that characterised our entire childhood.

Am I bitter? No. Just relieved that I dodged the bullet that changed the whole course of my sibling's life.

Just to add, of my three siblings, I am massively more close to my youngest one, 9 years younger than me, so I was away at uni when they were 9 in turn.

You can't forecast/pre-empt anything. It is all in the luck of the draw. I still say, if you would regret not trying for another baby, then go for it. If you had had one or even two children in the interim since your second, other than that it would be a large family with the ire that attracts, nobody would be questioning a thing.