To have another child when my kids are 10 and 8?

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DH and I would love to have another child. We always wanted 3 children (if we were able to) but the opportunity hasn’t been there to have the 3rd until now. We have 2 DC who are 10 and 8 and we are both 35. I suppose I’m scared that now we’ve left it too long to have another so wanted some honest opinions. Thanks.

My mum and her sister are 14 and 12 years older than their baby brother. It's worked out fine, they weren't very interested in him as a baby but now they are super close as adults. Genuinely lovely to see all 3 together. So it can work out just don't expect them to be besties growing up. 35 is not too old, go for it.

Mine were 12 and 9. I was 36. It was great and the older children loved having a baby in the house. They are really close and go on holiday together.

I’m the oldest of four - with my youngest sister being born in 2014 when we were 14, 13 and 10. It worked out great for us - as we’re all very independent. The three older ones did a school-year abroad each at age 15 or 16 and now that we’ve all moved quite a distance away and gone (or finished) university my parents have been enjoying their time with the youngest. Otherwise they’d be living a pre-retirement lifestyle for which they’re still too young and active so I think it’s worked out well for them. No resentment from the older ones of us - even though obviously my parents do have comparatively more time and disposable income to enjoy with my youngest sister - we each went our own paths that worked out well for us. Honestly I think the argument for the older kids losing out on bigger holidays etc is completely overrated as some of my favourite memories are from the holiday in the year my younger sister was born when we stayed for two weeks in a self-catered holiday flat in the same state (not from the UK). I’ve never flown anywhere with my parents for example and do not feel like I missed out on anything. If I do really want to see and experience somewhere - I’ll always have the opportunity to do this myself, with my partner, or with my family later, but I do think a good family environment is so much more important

We did. We're a blend, both formerly widowed so a full-time blend if that makes sense. DS was 12, DD was 10 and DSD was 9 when DD was born last summer. They adore her. I was 37 when she was born; DH 42.

I won't lie, it is exhausting and like butter being spread over too much bread at times. But it's also wonderful. We've been lucky to have a generally chilled out (so far) baby, which does help.

im 43 and have a 19 and 13 y old

i would LOVE another baby as my chance was taken away from me in 2020
partner left us for my ex friend winter 2020,i was 39 and we were trying for another one, when one day he left overnight

ive been single ever since
ive just need sperm but cant afford to pay for it

I notice that these type of age gaps often involve the older children having to bear responsibility for the younger ones, helping with homework, feeding, dressing, taking to the park and general supervision.

Not good.

People who have done this or love having babies will tell you this will be fine. But I personally think it would be really unfair on your current children. I'm not saying it's going to be life ruining, but do you honestly think it would improve the quality of their life in anyway?

If I was 35 I would go for it. There's no one specific age gap that's ideal.

Mine are 7 and 5 and I wouldn't go again but I'm pushing 41 - if I was younger I would.

I have an 8, 3 and 1 year old. So not quite as large as yours however the 8 and 1 year old are similar. I do feel my 8 year old misses out on some stuff because of the little ones. It's not as easy just packing up going out for the day. The little ones do control our day to day plans. Nap times, bed times etc etc. I am grateful my children have each other so it's completely up to you. But have you thought your youngest may be "alone" growing up. His older siblings will be off out and your child will be home alone? Just a thought xx

We considered this with similar ages. My DH has a much younger sibling and he resented her and his parents as he felt like his life was limited due to his sister. They have no contact now. This put us off and we have decided not to. Think carefully about the impact on your DC xx

All I can say is, I would have regretted not having a third child. Mine were 7 and 5 when my youngest was born. Gap was lengthened by miscarriages.

There's another thing. If you have two healthy children - and are now 10 years older than when the first one was born - your risks have gone up significantly. Do you want to roll that dice again?

My children are 20 10 and newborn. My elder two have always been best friends and now they both adore the baby. - a 10 year gap is really lovely in a lot of ways. Also you’ve had the experience of the two close together. Best of every world. I say go for it. ♥️

If you both really want another child just go for it. It will all work out . My two eldest were 7 and 5 and they coped . The youngest who is now in his 20s was the wisest and jokes that he learned from his siblings mistakes in their teens ☺️Cannot imagine life without number 3 .As adults they all are very close but very different personalities.
I was 37 when I had number 3.

I have a 7 year age gap between me and my brother. It did not limit my enjoyment of things or hobbies at all. I had plenty of friends and could go off to play at their house without my brother. We didn’t play together much obviously when he was little because of the age gap. But I had a sister 2 years younger to play with, tbh she cramped my style a lot more! There was much more arguing and jealousy between us as we were similar in age.

now we get along very well as adults, the age gap doesn’t matter any more.

there will be an 8 year gap between my son and his sibling when they arrive.

Life doesn’t always happen how you imagine, not everyone can have the “perfect” 2 year gap.

That's almost identical to the gaps between siblings in my own family. Possibly our gaps were a bit less, since your children would obviously be older by the time the third arrived. For us, it caused no upheaval or resentment. Older siblings were excited about the new arrival and were old enough to help in small ways (fetching things, keeping an eye on the youngest for short periods, and so on).

Can only agree. Older sibling 10 when youngest born. I was 6. Oldest and youngest don’t talk much, even 6 yrs is a big gap.

Well, to counter the 'never talk as adults' anecdote, I was 10+ when my youngest sibling was born. I loved playing with her when she was little, and as an adult, I'm closer to her than I am to the middle sibling with the more standard age gap.

There are no guarantees, but siblings with a large age gap can be close, and siblings born in rapid-fire fashion can have nothing in common.

Not fair on the older ones. Very selfish at this stage.

My husband has a 10year age gap with his sister. Absolutely no relationship ,but it’s because she is bloody hard work and has been difficult to deal with. The age gap is irrelevant.

Really. Not a very considered reply!!

There are 12 years between my 3rd and 4th so it's like he is growing up an only child, he is 10 now and has a lovely relationship with his siblings they have a lot of fun with him and he really looks up to all of them. Looking back I suppose the only time I found a bit difficult was having a 3 year old and staying up late helping my daughter revise for her GCSE's I remember feeling tired then , but you just crack on with it really. No regrets here .

As with any family dynamic. It may be brilliant. It may be difficult.

Have you had any conversations with your children to get a feel for how they would feel about a new baby? Not asking their opinion on yes/ no, but generally having open conversations about family/ babies etc. That should give you an idea about how difficult or easy the relationship may be.

Good luck!

Not inconsidered. We as female mammals have a biological urge to reproduce. The urge to want another baby will be there for most of us much of the time. Doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. And with a large age gap and two healthy children already it needs a long logical deliberation way beyond “I want another baby”. Because it will have a massive detrimental effect on the older two.

My 2 are 8 years apart by choice. We are not going for a 3rd. Youngest is coming up for 8 soon.
So far I have not any feelings of the urgency that it will be too late to have another. I know I will not regret not having another. Being in my 40's probably helps with that.

I really enjoy the freedom in the last 4 months ish. My youngest has always been hard work and I do not wish to repeat that at any time.