To have another child when my kids are 10 and 8?

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DH and I would love to have another child. We always wanted 3 children (if we were able to) but the opportunity hasn’t been there to have the 3rd until now. We have 2 DC who are 10 and 8 and we are both 35. I suppose I’m scared that now we’ve left it too long to have another so wanted some honest opinions. Thanks.

I have a big age gap and I can tell you the disadvantages:

• it is a nightmare trying to find activities, days out, holidays which all children can do. Your elder children will want to do stuff suitable for their age, which won't be possible with a small child in tow. Your elder children won't want to do little kid activities. We spent years splitting into 2 groups, one parent with one child, which isn't as much fun as doing stuff together.

• You might like the idea of a little one now, but in 10 years time you will still be dealing with primary school, school run, playgrounds, nits, world book day costumes, swimming lessons, parties. I've been a parent for 17 years now and I'm so over all this stuff! Unfortunately my youngest isn't.

• All my other parent friends are now in the next stage of parenting, moving on and having more free time to do their own thing or doing older teen orientated stuff. I still feel stuck in kid stage. I have to say no to stuff we're invited to because of the youngest.

• the eldest resents the youngest for holding them back. They do get on as well, in fact youngest worships the eldest, but it isn't always reciprocated!

I have the total opposite experiences to PPs. We have three, 14, 10 and 1, it’s been wonderful. The way the youngest runs into their arms when they’re home from school makes me well up. The older two have both just spent the past hour building hot wheels tracks with their car obsessed little brother and often all play together. We’re a pretty close nit family though and often do activities all together.

My husband and I each spend 1 to 1 time with each of them even before the youngest arrived so they get plenty of attention.

The eldest loves to have his little bro in his room watching him on his racing game and the middle builds block towers and plays silly games with him.

Would have loved a smaller age gap but things don’t always go to plan, it took a long time for us to get our youngest.
He has just fit in so perfectly. I’d even love another if it was possible but I can’t go through that journey again.

I know siblings with age gaps of 17 years and ones with a gap of 11months. I know siblings 9 years apart who are super close and siblings 18months apart who don’t even speak to each other.

I don’t think anyone can ‘recommend’ or ‘discredit’ age gaps if they haven’t experienced them personally and even then, that doesn’t mean it would be the same in your family.

If you and your partner want another baby, you want another baby. Only you can decide if it’s what is right for your family.

The only thing I don’t agree with in families is when parents leave older siblings to ‘raise’ the much younger siblings.

My thoughts. It will really change what you can easily do as a family.

My DH has the same experience as you. He's much younger than his siblings and they've never had a good relationship even though his oldest sibling is in their sixties now.

There was a lot of resentment and my DH was basically raised as an only child. He also had the benefit of two parents who had more time and more money, which led to even more resentment, lol.

I think it will be very difficult to find activities that young teens and a toddler can do....you will feel pulled in different directions.

If you are well-supported and it’s what you want go for it! Most of the mums of my kid’s reception class are mid 30s or 40s.

I will however not be joining you. 😂

I had number 2 at 42 when my firstborn was 13. I can't see the issue here. Go for it.

My kids are nearly 9 and 7 now and my Dsis just had her first baby. Much as I love seeing my nephew, I could never go back to the baby stage now!

Do what you think is best OP. I know lots of people with similar age gaps that seem to make it work

God no I did similar and trying to entertain pre teens and a baby is a nightmare. Plus it means you are less of a support to your older kids as they are going into teen years

Also this was my experience growing up and my siblings resented me. I'm not close to them as adults

I wouldn't, no. Concentrate on the two you have.

Weigh up your desire for a baby with what is best for your current children.

I forgot to add I am 30 with 3 kids and my youngest sister just turned 15 (the others are barely 20). She was my doll as a baby and I love her very much even though she is too cool for me currently.

Every September I buy her the school shoes/bag/equipment she wants rather than what my parents would buy her. You need an Uber home because you’re worried about where you are and mum will go mad because she said you couldn’t go? Course. Going to the cinema? I know your best friend is the daughter of a single mum my goblin, quietly make sure EVERYONE gets maccers afterwards.

I think our relationship is fine. After this I think I might interrupt her TikTok scrolling time to tell her she should get on with some homework!

My son is 10 (albeit and only child) and to be honest, there is no way I would want to go back to the baby stage now.

The last few years especially, life has been so much easier. He is independent- no more nappies/sleepless nights, he eats well and can obviously feed himself. He has a great personality and we can have proper conversations with him. We went to Austria in summer in a hotel - best and easiest holiday ever but wouldn't have been with a baby/toddler.

I do think you need to consider the impact on your existing children - they will be getting older and it would be a huge disruption for them.

Friends of mine had an unplanned bundle of joy when their DDs were 15, 13 and 11. His sisters dote on him and he is so laid back because he is used to fitting in with family life rather than family life revolving round him. The parents do a lot of work with young people and when he was small he went with them - my DD1 was at an event they were at and she ended up with him sleeping on her at a very loud event.

I can absolutely comment from a personal point of view. We had DS when DD1 was 10 and DD2 was 6 (nearly 7). I was 44, nearly 45. For us the dynamic has been an absolute delight. Never regretted it for one moment. His sisters adore him and he them. We have kept on doing things as a family longer than perhaps we might have. All round, the arrival of DS (who is now 12) has been a total blessing. Obviously health and financial concerns might mean this is not there right course for everyone.

8 years is massive. I'd say 4 is bad enough. Don't do it.

I know 2 families with a similar set up, both positive. A baby can be very grounding for older children, brings out their empathy and responsibility. It can be a good distraction from teenage angst. Not saying this is guaranteed!

See my youngest is soooo not laid back despite having to fit in around schools runs and such because of two older siblings.

She is the most clingy would climb in your eye ball if she could, crys if she so much as thinks she may of done wrong child I’ve ever met 😅 gets embarrassed if you dare even mention something that was funny but at her expense at all. Like even a oh when blah blah was little she did X.. nope crying not cool and I’m not talking of pooping pants or anything. Maybe a telling someone to stop laughing because their belly/boobs was wobbling their head during a cuddle.

I had my 3rd when my first two where 11 and 15, it is a massive gap and it means you will be parenting little ones when you get more freedom with the older ones. However if you enjoy parenting and don't see it as a sacrifice l, then why not go for it.

Sounds like my relationship with my youngest sibling (other sibling very close in age to me).

I know 2 families with a similar set up, both positive. A baby can be very grounding for older children, brings out their empathy and responsibility

A pet has the same impact with less of the drawbacks in my opinion....

I have a similar age gap between my siblings and we are and always have been super close! We're all in our 30s and 40s now so the gap almost doesn't exist anymore, I would ask yourself the question, would you rather regret having a third or regret not having a third (if that makes sense?) if it was me personally in 10, 20, 30 years time I don't think I'd look back and think "oh god I'm so glad I didn't have a third child", I think it would be the opposite. You know your own family dynamic and circumstances more than anyone so just go with what feels right, some children are really maternal as well and might love having a little baby sibling! Good luck!

My sister has large gaps between her first DCs and her youngest (remarried and went for a last one). We were all a bit like “but you were just getting your life back!” Which was true. She had a lovely new husband, new house, they were getting to have loads of lovely holidays and getaways as older DCs would be with their dad half the time and sometimes longer in the holidays if he took annual leave.
But that said, sister also has enjoyed this one so much more. It’s a combination of knowing it’s the last and making the most of it, being more experienced/worrying less than the first two and getting lots more support from her new in-laws this time, so her and DH still get plenty of time to themselves. And as someone else said that can make a huge difference, as well as the youngest just slotting-in. Not sure if it would’ve been the same if he was a more challenging baby (her eldest had terrible colic, CMPA, never slept etc. this one has to be woken from naps or he’d sleep all day and happily entertains himself).
Only you know your family dynamic and whether another baby could work. Consider worst case scenarios too, like what if the child had complex special needs. Would you be able to make this work? But also would you regret not at least trying if you decide not to have another?

I did it, there's 10 years between DD21 and DS11. Both of them got to experience a few years of being a lone child and DD was great helping out picking up DS from school when she was older and doing little things to help out. They're not very close right now but that's due to DD21 having DGS1 now too. DS is however very attached to DGS as they all live with us.