Keeping pension quiet?

[Seperateaccount]

DH and I are hitting pension age. We've been together 25 years, married for nearly 20 years and I've worked sporadically during that time. DH's job takes him abroad and I follow. I'd also paid 20 years of the 25 year mortgage on my own, before we paid it off a few years ago.

I've just become aware of a pension that I'm entitled to from my working days before I even met DH, something I'd completely forgotten about. It's not enough to live on every month but the 25% tax free amount would give me a nice nest egg and I can continue to build it with the pension .

DH will likely see the extra income as a reason to play golf/go on holiday/not worry about the future.

AIBU to set up bank accounts DH doesn't know about? I'm well aware that he's paid more in terms of day to day expenses over the last few years but I also know that I worked bloody hard for years (before we met), to pay for the majority of our house.

Is there a reason why you can't be honest. Is he financially controlling or do you have different attitudes towards finances? How would you feel if he did the same?

How did you pay 20 years of the 25 year mortgage on your own if you only worked sporadically?

Is he a mad spendthrift or a financial abuser?
Would you be OK if the boot was on the other foot?
I’m pretty sure if you were posting this the other way round everyone on this site would be shouting LTB. Anyway, if you decide to hide it make sure you don’t get found out.

I can buy whatever I want as long as I use a credit card! He's happy to spend our income every month with no thought to the future. I prefer to stick to a budget and save a little for emergencies. I just know that as soon as I add £x per month, he'll spend it!

Why would you do this?

Because I worked for 25 years before we met. Worked sporadically since we met. I have no idea what LTB is, but thanks for your input.

I might get slated here but I would definitely keep that news to myself. I would call it my running away fund.

If he keeps spending the monthly income with no thought to the future or emergencies then I would be inclined to keep it quiet and save it. I assume if there was an emergency you would use those savings for both of you? I'm similar to you, I like a safety net.

Save it up because it doesn't sound as through he's responsible with money.

Surely this lump sum is for your old age security?
How would he spend it if its in an account in your name?
Personally DH and I are completely open about our finances but you must have good reason to need to do this??

Absolutely keep it to yourself.

He’s benefited from you paying for the mortgage on your own for 20 years and it sounds like he will always spend more than you as he’s a spender and you’re a saver.

Keep a next egg for YOU with zero guilt.

It would be totally sneaky, immoral and dishonest. But up to you.

In your shoes I would probably keep it to myself.

But having said that, I'd never be in your shoes because no man has such redeeming qualities that I'd want to live a shit life of chucking everything on credit.

He spends money with no thought for the future? I would have no qualms in not telling him.

I'm curious to know how you paid 20 of the 25 year mortgage on your own, if you've been together 25 years?

Surely it's just swings and roundabouts and his wages went on other things, in order for yours to pay the mortgage?

Well thanks for that.

Depends on whether you expect to have access to his private pension or if he is free to keep his own too ( without giving you any details about it).

I would do the same.

So you got a mortgage at 18 say? Worked for 25 years paying it and met him at 43 paid for another 20 years and you're now 63? (Maths isn't my strong point) how did you pay mortgage on your own working sporadically?

Yeah, I think you should keep it to yourself @Seperateaccount , even though it's sneaky and immoral (as a pp has aid,) because (from what you say,) your relationship sounds quite poor/not very strong. So you need to secure your own finances.

After 30+ years together, I could never imagine doing this to my DH.

Because we're old gits. I got a mortgage, worked my ass for 20 years then met and married this man. (20 years on my own and married to this man for just five of the 25 year mortgage).

If he's a 'spend to the limit' type, I'd keep quiet and put your 25% tax free in a private account.

You never know when an emergency may arise, and your dh doesn't sound particularly financially competent. Having something in reserve makes sense.

I paid 20 ofvthec25 years before I met him.

I wouldn’t do it. But my OH and I have very similar attitudes to money, spending and saving. We pool finances. We’d both be outraged if the other kept income or savings secret.

How do finances work between you? Is it joint income/spending/saving? Or do you each normally have “your” money and then split bills?

I think it’s OK not to add this pension to the day to day income, and to say you are going to save it in case you need it for future . It’s OK to have it in your own name so he can’t access it. But not to hide it from him.

He is more than welcome to manage his own finances

Behave 🙄