Keeping pension quiet?

[Seperateaccount]

DH and I are hitting pension age. We've been together 25 years, married for nearly 20 years and I've worked sporadically during that time. DH's job takes him abroad and I follow. I'd also paid 20 years of the 25 year mortgage on my own, before we paid it off a few years ago.

I've just become aware of a pension that I'm entitled to from my working days before I even met DH, something I'd completely forgotten about. It's not enough to live on every month but the 25% tax free amount would give me a nice nest egg and I can continue to build it with the pension .

DH will likely see the extra income as a reason to play golf/go on holiday/not worry about the future.

AIBU to set up bank accounts DH doesn't know about? I'm well aware that he's paid more in terms of day to day expenses over the last few years but I also know that I worked bloody hard for years (before we met), to pay for the majority of our house.

Keep it to yourself, since he's shit with money and entitled.

Why do the 25% draw down if you are just going to bung it into savings? I’d take the higher pension amount and then channel that into savings. You take the lump sum if you need it because you are losing access to a company car- or need to pay off a mortgage. There is no need in your case.

@Seperateaccount YANBU in doing this.

I'm in exactly the same situation as you and have done precisely this very same thing.

Open an online account with the highest interest payable - draw down your 25% tax free sum and pay that in and, yes, pay in your pension also when that comes along. Or into premium bonds/mix of the two?

I see absolutely nothing wrong with this whatsoever.

Financial autonomy in my circumstances has brought me so much peace of mind.

I think your DP is a bit more savvy than he lets on. By the sounds of it he has an equal stake in a home that you paid 20 years worth of the contributions on? Is that right? I’d be wrapping up everything else so bloody tight it would be impossible for him to get his paws on it.

yes i am thinking the same as @Pheasantsmate
bit of a situation as regards your house

Definitely agree with the importance of having some independent money. I’ve got my own savings from before my marriage and so does my DH have investments but they’re not a secret. I can totally understand why some need to keep them a secret though in abusive marriages.

I'd check with an IFA and an accountant that the money is going to get it's best return and also that there isn't going to be a situation where you have to do a tax return you h will be privy too.
And then go for it, it's a really good idea to have some money squirreled. It will be a an unpleasant conversation if you later divorce, but it won't be the only unpleasant conversation if that happens!

Tough one. I think that morally, you have to be honest about its existence, but I totally understand not just chucking it in a joint account if he's awful with money. Use this as an opportunity to talk to him about your differing financial styles. Tell him this is your money and you're keeping it to one side because you're not OK with it all being spent.

I agree, every woman should be encouraged to have an independent savings account.

'We share everything' is all well and good but relationships do break down and that man who you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with could suddenly turn on you.

OP what's his attitude more generally to money? Does he pay a fair share (since you got together obvs, not taking the previous 20 years into account)? How do the two of you organise your finances? You clearly have different approaches, you like to have some in reserve, he wants to spend it now. Who pays if something big goes wrong - need a new boiler, say. Would he not have anything to contribute so either you have to pay if you can or there's no boiler?

And given what you've said about his spending, the most important one. Does he think that what's his is his, and what's yours is...his?

Those things would all have a bearing on how I treated the money if it was me.

And for the doubters, I would say the same if it was a man wanting to keep his pension and the woman wanted to blow it all before payday.

Just a teensy warning to anybody tempted that this is hiding assets in a divorce, almost certainly illegal, and can land you in hot water...

I think this also. I think it's healthier for transparency within the marriage regards finances but also you need to ring fence it so it doesn't get frittered away.

When I divorced ex neither of us asked to see each other savings accounts and pensions.

Ex was convinced I earned much less than him and I was convinced he didn't earn much more than me.

So when we did our Financial Order, we put in what we each wanted to put, because we both signed the form and the judge does not ask to see evidence of savings, pensions if all looks reasonable on the form and both parties are happy with the split.

Sounds like you got the better deal!!

In the situation you describe I’d keep it quiet too. If you know he’d just spend it without a care I’d keep it out of his way !

YANBU
It would be nice to think the savings fund is for both of you, if he’s contributed more financially but that’s your decision.

It is odd that you are thinking of keeping it secret

Be honest but keep it for yourself
I assume the mortgage is in your name ?

How would you feel if he did the same to you? Personally I'd be raging if my husband lied/withheld information about money. I assume from what you've said that you've had shared finances since marrying given you haven't worked much. I'm sure if a man did this to a woman the members of MN would be telling you to leave the bastard.

Jeez - that's a sad relationship ypu have there. No trust or admiration. Keep your nest egg and find a better life.

Hi OP, I think 'LTB' stands for 'leave the bastard'!

I can see why you're tempted to keep schtum about this OP, I probably would be as well in those circumstances. I'd just be afraid of DH finding out in the future! Maybe if he does, you could say that you were saving up to "surprise" him! Let us know what you decide to do.

Honesty is the best policy! Being sneaky and not communicating will only result in lack of trust and hurt.

Oh the hypocrisy. Great idea for a woman to have a secret bank account, but woe betide a man who does that........

Is honesty the best policy when one party will get railroaded into spending their money on things they are not happy with? Sound’s financially abusive to me.

@Seperateaccount

Has he been paying into a private pension for you and making sure your NI is paid while he’s been working and you haven’t??

You should definitely keep the pension to yourself and not tell him and make sure you have some security beyond relying on his credit card!!

Right now only he has access to the overview of finances and can take what he wants… you get the scraps. It isn’t fair. Or secure.