Keeping pension quiet?

[Seperateaccount]

DH and I are hitting pension age. We've been together 25 years, married for nearly 20 years and I've worked sporadically during that time. DH's job takes him abroad and I follow. I'd also paid 20 years of the 25 year mortgage on my own, before we paid it off a few years ago.

I've just become aware of a pension that I'm entitled to from my working days before I even met DH, something I'd completely forgotten about. It's not enough to live on every month but the 25% tax free amount would give me a nice nest egg and I can continue to build it with the pension .

DH will likely see the extra income as a reason to play golf/go on holiday/not worry about the future.

AIBU to set up bank accounts DH doesn't know about? I'm well aware that he's paid more in terms of day to day expenses over the last few years but I also know that I worked bloody hard for years (before we met), to pay for the majority of our house.

If you reverse this your OH would be getting destroyed on here. Be honest and address your partners tendencies to overspend. It’s the very obvious and decent choice.

I would not feel comfortable lying to dh and I would not feel comfortable with the lack of financial planning I’d have to talk to him about the money situation.

So you essentially paid for most the house, which he moved in to when you'd had it 20 years.

Did he bring any assets to the marriage?

that would influence my response.

What I mean is, if you had messaged here that you had found out your husband of 20 odd years had been paid out a lump sum and regular pension and hidden it from you, his wife, everyone on here would be shouting Leave The Bastard - it would not matter if he had paid 20 years of the 25 year mortgage and you were addicted to buying shoes!

This is your money OP. Keep it to yourself. You never know when you may need it.

Honestly this speaks to a bigger issue. You and DH aren’t on the same page when it comes to finances and spending.
I’d keep it to myself at the moment but you need to be having serious discussions about both of your attitudes to finance and to get on the same page - esp if you’re both going into retirement.
If you don’t think it’s possible to agree on spending and finances then maybe you have a bigger problem.
sounds like you’ve been bossing it your own way so far (you go Glen Coco) - keep it secret and if you get on the same page then share it … if not then … you do you x

I've got a secret fuck off fund. DH and I managed quite comfortably but I've always had this money my Dad gave me from well before we even met. I've never spent it and I can remember my Dad telling me before I got married for the first time keep it safe, don't tell your DH you have it, just in case of emergencies. Dad said he wouldn't always be around. I gave this money to my sister for safe keeping about a year before I went through my first divorce and she gave it back plus interest after I was divorced. I put it back into a savings bond account. I've never mentioned it to my DH. I paid half our mortgage and half all bills all through our marriage so I still have it and don't regret keeping it quiet. Only my sister knows about it. She has a secret fuck off fund too. I also gave my DD some money after she married and told her to keep it for absolute emergencies and not to mention it to her DH. I'd say put it into a 5 year savings bond account in your name but whatever you do go paperless because you don't want statements arriving in the post. If you ever divorce you'll have to withdraw it about a year before you go for a divorce and get someone you trust to look after it for you because you'll have to declare any bank accounts you have or have had over last year.

Keep it to yourself, it can be a running away fund later if you ever need it.

Why do you feel like you have to be sneaky and hide money from your DH? Are you worried that if you tell him you're keeping this money to yourself, he'll do the same with his pension?

I could not keep it a secret and would be furious if my husband did that.

Have you previously shared finances or kept money separate? If you keep them separate then it’s fine not to share, if you’ve shared them it’s not. You should be able to tell him though, the fact that you’re thinking of keeping it a secret snd how you talk about him says you don’t trust him and I’d question the point of being together. Your life though.

I would also keep it quiet.

It's not like you'll be on the breadline or in poverty anyway.

Keep it in a private account for a "rainy day'.

Read the thread! She's told you why!

.The OP says her husband is a spendthrift and is useless with money and will fritter it all away.

She worked for 20 years on her own paying a mortgage.

Then she met and married the man.

Then she worked sporadically, while they both paid the remaining 5 years on the mortgage.

God, it's not hard to understand!!!

And what? I didn't say she should give him access to it. Lying about it or giving it to him aren't her only options.

So, like I said, why can't she tell him she's keeping it for herself?

The only reason I claim you act unreasonably is because, although you have worked very hard for extra money is because you haven't declared this to your husband and he has a right to know about it as it's your responsibility as this is is your spouse and you. have a duty to It with him.

If you’ve only worked sporadically since marrying has your husband financially supported you? If he has then you are beyond unreasonable.

Given what you've said about your DH spendy ways, I'd keep it to myself.

Especially if you think there's a chance of divorcing down the line, given your DH's spendy ways.

I'd absolutely do what @caringcarer suggests.

Is this the 1950s???

OP who's name is on the credit card and it's repayments?

Yep I would keep quiet about it. He's lax with money by the sounds of it. Some people can still be lovely but be shit with money. Protect yourself.

Aside from this pension do you have enough to manage during retirement? Has he got a good pension? Have you got any other pension?

(If you don’t withdraw a lump sum the 25% tax free applies to regular draw down. It isn’t just lump sums that are tax free. If you take a tax free lump sum the rest of your pension is taxable / counts as taxable income.)

Have you had entirely separate finances all the time you have been together? or has he used his money to support you?
when you were paying the last 5 years of your mortgage what was his money doing?
Just to say when i pointed out that my male dp had hidden assets from me the opinion was unanimous

I don’t know. Feels bad you’ve not worked and now you’ve got some income you’re going to hide it. You need to reign in your DH’s spending. A pension lump sum is to see you through your retirement. Yes some people might choose to blow it on a big cruise etc but you need to be realistic and you could live until 90 odd. I’d declare I had it, but say it’s going into x savings account where it can’t be touched for 2yrs (interest rate is good right now) and then you will review. Just feels wrong to me he’s been the one bringing in the income all these years now you’re going to keep this to yourself (regardless of who owns the house, given you’ve not worked most of your married life that will have evened up)

if hes so irresponsible with money I’d just keep quiet and build up a nest egg for retirement. If he was less of an idiot with money honesty would be the best policy.