Keeping pension quiet?

[Seperateaccount]

DH and I are hitting pension age. We've been together 25 years, married for nearly 20 years and I've worked sporadically during that time. DH's job takes him abroad and I follow. I'd also paid 20 years of the 25 year mortgage on my own, before we paid it off a few years ago.

I've just become aware of a pension that I'm entitled to from my working days before I even met DH, something I'd completely forgotten about. It's not enough to live on every month but the 25% tax free amount would give me a nice nest egg and I can continue to build it with the pension .

DH will likely see the extra income as a reason to play golf/go on holiday/not worry about the future.

AIBU to set up bank accounts DH doesn't know about? I'm well aware that he's paid more in terms of day to day expenses over the last few years but I also know that I worked bloody hard for years (before we met), to pay for the majority of our house.

I stand by what I said.

For me, that would be a shit life being married to someone with such a lax attitude towards money and debt 🤷‍♂️

Yes, DH and I have had the odd time over the years, where we've had to put a few important things on credit because we've had no other choice but that's completely different to you saying....

I can buy whatever I want as long as I use a credit card! He's happy to spend our income every month with no thought to the future.

If you don't think that's shit then fine, you might as well tell him about your pension (although I personally wouldn't if I were you).

You clearly have not bothered to read any of my posts, except the ones that make your point. Have a nice life.

@Seperateaccount

Were you able to check your governmentgateway account relative to your pension?

If you don’t have a full record is your husband willing to make it up?

Had he been paying into a private pension scheme for you all this time you haven’t been working, or what provision has he made for you - both in terms of pension when he is alive and whether you will receive his pension/a proportion of it when he dies?

You don’t need to answer those questions, but that would be what I would be thinking about and checking off if I were you, to make sure you are secure and have access to your own funds.

Glad you were able to talk to him and he agrees regarding your wishes.

Yes I have a little NHS pension that husband knows about but he hasn’t mentioned it for years. I just Chuck it into my fun money account. I genuinely do not think he remembers it!!

If your dh was financially responsible and not controlling I'd say tell him but sounds like a child with money burning a hole in his pocket. My ex was the same I hid money by buying shares at my employers instead of taking bonuses and a separate savings account. At least one of you need the maturity to think about the future. If you stay together he'll benefit too if the need arises, if not you'll have something to fall back on. Add to it too don't just leave it resting inflation is a bastard.

Context is everything. I would put in into an account and not discuss it. It is a rainy day fund therefore it is prudence not dishonesty. Also given that it is from before your met your husband. As @OnePlumFatball says you will ultimately both benefit from it.