Upset about drinking at baby's bday

[nc20241]

NC as may be outing.

I had a bday party at home for my little one, invite was for a few hours into the afternoon/evening. Some games/bouncy castle/food/soft drinks planned- nothing major.

Invited family members and some of my friends and their children,
Not a huge amount of people.

Some of my friends seemed to seize the opportunity for a "piss up". I usually have a couple of bottles of wine in the fridge/maybe some spirits in the house (I'm not a huge drinker anymore!)... these were all drank (fine)... however I was shocked to see the girls go out and turn up with arm fulls of wine and several more bottles of gin...

I was then told and not asked "alright if we stop over isn't it?". I felt so awkward like I was put on the spot.

I was expecting the party to end around the time I specified on the invitation... my little one was tired and I wanted to get them off to bed and then clean up... instead I had my "friends" getting pissed downstairs and their kids running wild all over my house.

I had older family members there and my in laws and I think they were a little shocked and it didn't give off a good impression at all with drunk people crashed all over my sofas (my fil had popped back as forgot his glasses so saw this as well!).

I know I should have had a backbone but AIBU to be upset? I didn't even drink myself I had one glass of wine, so I'm not sure how anyone got the impression that I was up for or okay with that.

You had the option to say ' no, time to go now'

Awful behaviour from the friends: would’ve said no to that!

I think this is something you need to get boundaries about and say something. You can’t be a pushover who festers in annoyance without saying anything and then complain.

Plenty of parties for children involve alcohol but not passing out whilst their own children are presumably unattended.

So what did you say when they said can we stay over? I would have said sorry no it's just a kids birthday party not an all nighter!! You have to not be so passive op it won't do you any favours in life at all.

YANBU to be upset with yourself.

This is a drop in the ocean compared to how many times you'll have to speak up on behalf of your child, as they go through life.

Nothing you can do about it now though.

I did actually say errmmm well I'm not sure where everyone is going to sleep, I don't really have the room??? And the response was ahh it's fine we're all happy on the sofas... by this point the people in question were already quite drunk having returned with all the wine I had no idea they had gone to get.

I should have been firmer and said no, I just felt so incredibly awkward.

I'm so embarrassed and my babies father is barely speaking to me as he found the conduct of my friends so embarrassing, he is fuming at me for not saying something.

This isn't my first child,
I have other children. I've never had a party at home though (COL tbh).

So I still tired to do a nice party for my little one. Other parties I've had for my kids have been at a venue of some type before so when it's time up everyone leaves.

I just didn't expect at all what happened, I wish I had handled it better.

You will need to learn to speak up for your child’s sake if nothing else because of you don’t advocate for them throughout their childhood, the likelihood is that nobody will.

babies father is barely speaking to me

Fair enough. If this had been a dad who had invited a load of pissheads to be around a baby, and limply let them pass out on the sofa there would have been LTB calls.

I think next time don't invite child free friends or make it very clear it ends at 5pm and suggest the after party is at the local pub (and you can even pop out to meet them after bedtime if you have any energy?)

When the lady came back in with more booze I would've taken them off her gently with a broad smile and said 'ah, thanks so much for replacing my booze. I was saving it for X event. Thanks for coming but the kids are tired and I'm tidying up now so party's over. Enjoy the rest of your night.'

You need new friends, and to practise saying "no".

100% this

Fine to have a few beers or wine at a get together-even if for a child. It’s not fine to get smashed, let your kids go nuts or invite yourself to stay. We have had plenty of kids dos at home over the years and none of our friends have ever done that-sorry you have mates that think that’s ok :(

yes, you should have said no, they couldn’t stay, and that you wanted to get DC to bed / spend time with auntie janet or whatever.

your DP could have helped you out.

The welfare of your children is more important than pleasing your drunken friends. Why on earth would you let them carry on like that at a kid's party?

How old are your other children?

Have you ever had to stand up for them or yourself on their behalf?

I wouldn't be happy at all with people getting pissed off their heads in my family's home, and crashing all over my sofas.

I didn't invite "pissheads", or single friends, they all have children. It was 3 people in particular. How would I have known this was on the agenda? I wasn't drinking myself just to be clear I had one glass of wine.

The invitation was clearly for a kids party,
I was playing games with the kids like pass the parcel and musical statues etc. hence why I didn't noticed they'd gone to get alcohol.

I went to bed with my baby as planned and didn't get involved in the drinking.

I'm 100% in the wrong for not standing up and saying no, I'm upset at myself. I understand what you are all saying however I don't think I could have foreseen this? Maybe I'm naive

She didn't invite child free friends. She invited her friends.and their children
Her friends then got drink and left their kids to tear around OPs.house while they crashed out.

Wow. You really needed to use your words with the cheeky fuckers here OP!

I've been to children's birthday parties that have turned into quite boozy evenings but only ever following the lead of the hosts! If it's 2 hours, tea and cake then leave then that's what it is.

It’s not about foreseeing it OP it’s about dealing with it as it happens. Surely they didn’t just help themselves to your bottles of wine and gin, so you must have said that was okay? If that wasn’t okay with you then you should have said “no” then.

They left the party to go get more alcohol, again, you should have said that was not okay before they did it or certainly when they arrived back with it you should have said absolutely not.

At the point they explicitly asked if it was okay for them to stay over, the answer should have been a big fat no.

They are your friends, your responsibility! I’d be fucking raging if I was your husband and rightfully so

Why on earth didn’t you say no to the staying over bit? I wouldn’t be bothered about people having drinks, but there’s no way I’d agree to them all staying.

You need to be more assertive!

Why would I have an after party for a baby's birthday party? The thought hadn't even crossed my mind? The invitation said "from X time until 7pm". How much clearer could I be?

Yes I should have spoken up but I think I was so taken off guard.

Other children are high school and late primary for those asking.

Wow.
Imagine this the other way round.
You desperately need to apologise to your husband and speak with your friends and GROW A BACKBONE.

I didn't know anyone had gone to get alcohol,
I was playing party games with the children.