Upset about drinking at baby's bday

[nc20241]

NC as may be outing.

I had a bday party at home for my little one, invite was for a few hours into the afternoon/evening. Some games/bouncy castle/food/soft drinks planned- nothing major.

Invited family members and some of my friends and their children,
Not a huge amount of people.

Some of my friends seemed to seize the opportunity for a "piss up". I usually have a couple of bottles of wine in the fridge/maybe some spirits in the house (I'm not a huge drinker anymore!)... these were all drank (fine)... however I was shocked to see the girls go out and turn up with arm fulls of wine and several more bottles of gin...

I was then told and not asked "alright if we stop over isn't it?". I felt so awkward like I was put on the spot.

I was expecting the party to end around the time I specified on the invitation... my little one was tired and I wanted to get them off to bed and then clean up... instead I had my "friends" getting pissed downstairs and their kids running wild all over my house.

I had older family members there and my in laws and I think they were a little shocked and it didn't give off a good impression at all with drunk people crashed all over my sofas (my fil had popped back as forgot his glasses so saw this as well!).

I know I should have had a backbone but AIBU to be upset? I didn't even drink myself I had one glass of wine, so I'm not sure how anyone got the impression that I was up for or okay with that.

I think part of the reason I felt awkward was because the main instigator of the drinking and inviting themselves to stay- had helped me with some of the party preparations. I just thought they were being a decent friend and at no point while they were helping was any drinking discussed at all.

I’m sorry this OP, but you either have zero boundaries or your friends are the most disrespectful twats.

First they felt comfortable enough draining your house of all its booze, then they went off and had an unscheduled piss up while you watched, schtum. Why did they think this was okay? Why did you not throw them out?

You shouldn’t need to break the bank having out of home events, because adults can’t control themselves. You choose better company or learn to stand up for yourself and your children.

That's very strange behaviour at the kids birthday party. It's time to rethink these friendships.

of course you should have said something but I understand how it happens (feeling too awkward to say something in the moment) and why you are upset

you still can say something though and I think you should:

hey xxx, it was lovely to see you yesterday and thanks for the gift blah blah. But I wanted to raise something that has been bugging me as I felt awkward in the moment: it wasn’t my intention to have a big party for adults yesterday so sorry I actually didn’t appreciate you going out to buy more alcohol without asking me and then drinking till late. I love a party with friends as much as anyone else but I prefer to keep it separate from kids’ party so I can relax and actually enjoy it. Hope you understand that yesterday went not how I expected”

It's nothing to do with your partner if he doesn't live you,so why is he getting so angry? Also you were drinking all of you, it doesn't matter if you only had one, they probably thought you were up for a piss up. I just don't get why you didn't say right I'm going to bed now you will have to go, your a grown ass woman with 3 children.

I feel really sorry for you OP, your friends have been disrespectful and presumably know enough of your nature to have felt comfortable taking the piss with no expectation of reproach.

With your DP, apart from acknowledging that yes, you wish you'd been more assertive and you're disappointed about your friends I don't think there's much else you can do there.

With the friends, I'd message them to say I'm disappointed in how they treated my home and hospitality. Even if you don't do that, I'd take a big step back from anyone who treats you like that.

Having one drink is an invitation for a piss up?

If you wouldn't have had a drink perhaps nobody else would have.

It sounds like that ‘friend’ basically took over your baby’s party and had planned to do so too. That’s not a friend. The others were crass and stupid to join in, so I wouldn’t be speaking to them either until they’d apologised.

I quite understand why you didn’t say anything. Who’d expect such entitled twattery at a baby’s party? You were probably too surprised to speak. However, I’d have shoved them all in a taxi after I’d recovered from the shock.

Find nicer friends.

I think you are getting a tough time on this thread OP. (I've skimmed a bit towards the end, so apologies if I'm wrong) Your friends were crap, but I don't think much of your partner's behaviour either.

You've already had one friend who said " they were inappropriate and said that it was very clear that I wasn't up for a piss up or keen on them staying"

I don't understand why your partner is'nt speaking to you because of this.The question is.. why wasn't he supporting you? Why couldn't your partner have backed you up spoken to them nicely and asked them to ajourn to a nearby pub or something like that.. Instead of standing there being "embarrassed" with his relatives tutting away and being more worried about "the impression" of you, this gave his relatives. Why? You weren't the one necking down the alcohol. He watched whilst the situation got out of control whilst it was clear to others that your "friends" were just doing what they wanted. And now he's punishing you by not speaking to you.

It'ss not great that it happened but Hindsight is a wonderful thing and you couldnot have predicted how far they were going to take this.
Yes you could have said no to them, but they clearly didn't take the hint and rode roughshod all over you.

You probably will be better prepared next time to either invite nicer guests who don't take advantage of you or make your feelings clearer, but it is interesting that your partner's reaction is to completely blame you and not speak to you.

Oh f* off.
One glass of wine is NOT an invitation for a piss up

That can be very difficult when there's a large group of determined drunks, they are unlikely to respond positively to 'no, time to go now'.

Weird behaviour. We have friends and it’s a given at a kids party we all do this but it’s expected! Your friends seem oblivious to your feelings!!

But if op hadn't cracked a drink open then perhaps nobody else would have.

Yes when I thought about it I thought "this sounds like friend x" who is ND. So I do apologise.

Well at least no-one attempted to drive!

Feel sorry for you OP having to deal with a drunken mob, although only 2 stayed overnight at the end. They do need telling that it was inappropriate, embarrassing and will not happen again.

It's a given everyone gets drunk and stops over on the sofa?

See I've never experienced this ever so it's not normal to me.

It's not normal. I've never been to a kids party that ended up like a student piss up.
They're not your friends.
I'd have nothing more to do with them and try to develop your assertiveness.

I didn't "crack" a drink open.
They had already helped themselves to wine from the fridge. I'd only offered tea/coffee/soft drinks and directed them to help themselves to cans of soft drink in the bottom of the fridge.

I was offered a glass of wine at some point by one of the ladies, I was busy running around/ speaking to all
The guests/ getting other people food and drinks/ playing with my baby and doing party games... I just said "oh right okay, yes just a small one why not".

I think you are getting a hard time here, it's so easy to tell people to use their words but I fucking hate confrontation, yes OK huge failing in me but I am who I am and I can well imagine I'd have ended up in the same position feeling awkward and upset but being railroaded by absolute CFs. Any decent friend would not have dreamt of putting you in that position. I'm so sorry this happened, I hope you can explain to your partners family and that you can distance yourself from these arseholes, your families will likely let it go if they know that you are upset by the event and planning to distance from those people.

@nc20241 This 💯 percent.
These aren’t your friends, they are cheeky users takin gross advantage of your soft nature.
”No” is a complete sentence.
”No, this is an alcohol free house “
” No, it’s not ok for you to doss on my sofas while your feral kids run riot”

No wonder your husband was fed up.

These women sound awful.

I would reply to the friend who has contacted you to say, while you appreciate the apology, you are horrified at the behaviour of so called adult friends and you will be rethinking the relationship. To the ones who haven't bothered to get in touch, I would be saying similar but emphasising that they embarrassed you and took liberties and you won't be in touch again. And block them.

It’s absolutely not normal to have a boozy chaotic party at a baby’s birthday party.
Just have a zero alcohol policy next time and ditch these users who are not friends of yours.

Why did he not say something?! It wasn't just your party, he was there too

You should have just asked them to leave. I never have or will put my young children in the presence of drunk people.