Upset about drinking at baby's bday

[nc20241]

NC as may be outing.

I had a bday party at home for my little one, invite was for a few hours into the afternoon/evening. Some games/bouncy castle/food/soft drinks planned- nothing major.

Invited family members and some of my friends and their children,
Not a huge amount of people.

Some of my friends seemed to seize the opportunity for a "piss up". I usually have a couple of bottles of wine in the fridge/maybe some spirits in the house (I'm not a huge drinker anymore!)... these were all drank (fine)... however I was shocked to see the girls go out and turn up with arm fulls of wine and several more bottles of gin...

I was then told and not asked "alright if we stop over isn't it?". I felt so awkward like I was put on the spot.

I was expecting the party to end around the time I specified on the invitation... my little one was tired and I wanted to get them off to bed and then clean up... instead I had my "friends" getting pissed downstairs and their kids running wild all over my house.

I had older family members there and my in laws and I think they were a little shocked and it didn't give off a good impression at all with drunk people crashed all over my sofas (my fil had popped back as forgot his glasses so saw this as well!).

I know I should have had a backbone but AIBU to be upset? I didn't even drink myself I had one glass of wine, so I'm not sure how anyone got the impression that I was up for or okay with that.

Where did the extra kids sleep? I'd be seriously questioning how well their kids are looked after normally if they think this is acceptable behaviour.

How old are you? Sounds like your friends are teenagers

Most useful thing in this sort of situation is 'Right, I'm going to kick you lot out now because I have to get on with stuff!' Swiftly followed by 'Off you go, get your things together you lot!' Don't apologise and don't explain.

He's not the father of my older children, just the baby. He doesn't live here, I won't go into that rn as not totally relevant.

I've never had a party here before, no one has ever stopped over so not a regular or given thing at all no. That's why I literally have no idea where the idea came from.

I've known 2/3 of them a long time, since my eldest child. The 3rd one is a good friend originally of one of the others that I got to know over time but more so the last 2 years.

We used to go out occasionally about 5/6/7 years ago. Like once every few months, normal sort of stuff I guess? We are 30s/40s.

They left early in the morning so I wasn't hiding upstairs until midday.

My baby and primary aged boy were in my room, my teen was in his own room (he definitely sleeps in until midday).

I would have gone down had they not left, what I meant is that I could hear them
Up and even though I was awake (cause I was fuming) I deliberately didn't go down.

I did actually say errmmm well I'm not sure where everyone is going to sleep, I don't really have the room

You have to be much, much firmer than that! I agree with you, you couldn’t have foreseen they’d do this, but this is a learning experience and you can be better prepared in future. You have to put a stop to this behaviour immediately, not allow it to escalate and then find yourself unable to deal with a runaway train.

I would not allow my friends, at a child’s party, to help themselves to my wine when I hadn’t offered. That’s incredibly rude of them. That was the time to say no, I didn’t open that wine, it isn’t for today, this is a child’s party and we’re just having soft drinks today. Then if they went out and came back with loads of alcohol, repeat no, you’ll have to take that away and drink it another time. I suspect you’re frightened of “upsetting” people but you have to get over that or they’ll walk all over you, just as they did this time at your own child’s party in your own home.

I’m astonished that people can be such CFs. I can’t imagine helping myself to my host’s alcohol uninvited at a kid’s party and then going out to get more.

Hi OP, my apologies , I thought your DP lived with you. Well if it’s just you and your DC I can see how you just left them to it. I would be raging if my DH’s friends did this, but that’s because he lives here. If he doesn’t live with you, it is of no consequence to him who stays in your house.

Just remember, we live and learn, now you know not to invite these people back.
I hope you have not been left with too much cleaning up.

My babies Dad is more angry that my friends were so disrespectful in his view and that I wasn't firm enough to stop it, he also feels embarrassed of the impression it has given his relatives and parents.

I have a poor opinion of people that treat children's parties as an excuse for a piss-up. So classless and tacky/skanky.

Next time make it clear that you are hosting 2 to 7 or whatever. They seem to be CFs ! who treats a childrens party like that ? Esp with older relatives as well

What happened to the drunk friends' children? While their mothers were getting trashed, who was looking after them? That would seriously concern me, that I knew people who chose to drink themselves stupid in front of their children. I'm not teetotal by any means, but I wouldn't see a children's birthday party as an excuse to drink a bucketload of alcohol.

The whole things sounds hugely dysfunctional and I'd be distancing myself from these "friends".

I hope you have forgiving neighbours OP!

I put that on the invitation, that it was ending at x time. I did the birthday cake shortly before this time and expected people to leave.

I think he sounds like a dickhead. Yes okay you maybe should have been more forceful in telling them to go but it's a bit of an overreaction. Why didn't he ask them to leave? Also what impression did it give - that you have friends who drink, so what. Of course it was inappropriate to get drunk at a childs party and I don't know anyone who would do it but you're not responsible for other peoples behaviour. You said they could have a glass of wine and they took it too far, okay you should have said No you can't stay, party is over but I'm guessing you were so taken aback and in shock.
I think you, your other half and a lot of posters on here are being way too hard in you. Your OH needs to just suck it up and forget about it and move on.

Also 7 is too late. You want to be ending parties for kids 4pm/5pm (max!). Give out party bags and says lovely to see you, thanks for coming, off you pop now.

It was from 4pm-7pm. I thought that was enough time to do some games, food and the children have a play on the bouncy castle and soft play.

Yes. Predictably people have assumed the pissheads were childfree.

So the kids that stayed are older primary/ secondary age. So it wasn't little toddlers left to run around not that it makes it any better.

Have a talk with your partner and find better friends. Mature, genuine friends would have never behaved this way.

Stop beating yourself up, most importantly. Yes, you should have spoken up, but it's over and I'm sure you've learned a LOT from this unfortunate experience.

Why didn’t you ask them to leave?

But other than that there is usually booze at baby birthdays IME, because really they are for adults.

Turning up with armfuls of booze and getting wankered with no invitation to do that is odd though, so you may want to reconsider your friendship group.

In which case you have a bigger problem than boozy friends. It’s honestly not that big a deal, anyone who thought badly of you for it is a twit.

I think the impression it gave was that I have friends who drink excessive amounts of alcohol around children and hijacked a baby's birthday party as a piss up.

I'm in absolute agreement with everyone who says my OH is right to be upset with me. Id be devastated if his friends did this and ruined our babies birthday.

I will 100% be taking a step back from these people, they aren't my real friends because they would not have put me in that position.

See I would think that way too late. Get it over and done with earlier next time OP, then you have time to tidy up and people can't get too comfy for the evening.

Can always use the excuse that you're going out to dinner as well so they can piss off and stop taking advantage of your hospitality.

I would have been livid. I am not one thats able to hide my feelings though 😂 ive upset many people at events when they try to hold my baby and i just blurt out "no your drunk, your a hazard" (this was after one lady fell over and was slurring, not exactly after one drink, but still thought i was highly strung)

We never have alcohol at home, so my friends and family just know its a booze free zone so luckily Don't have that issue.

now you know from this experience you can put boundaries in place prior, so if they don't like it, they just don't come.

I am quite strict with it mainly safety reasons. If you can't drive a car legally or safetly, how can you be on call with kids accidents or whatever gets thrown at you. Never know if an impromptu trip is required. Plus i am used to my mum being drunk, which involves dropping glasses, falls and arguements ect so i guess those risks around kids are in my mind.

It's also pretty shoddy parenting in their behalf that these late primary/secondary age kids just bunked down on someone's floor/sofa with no PJ's, toothbrush, change of clothes etc so they could get pissed. Talk about sending the message to kids that partying is being prioritised by your Mum, over looking after you!

He really doesn't have a right to be upset with you (and all the people on here reinforcing this are a disgrace). It sounds like the party went fine and the kids enjoyed it there was just more of an issue at the end. If he was annoyed for a short time yesterday that is understandable but he should not still be annoyed with you.
Out of interest who organised and ran the party i.e. the party games, bouncy castle etc - did he do any of this?