Upset about drinking at baby's bday

[nc20241]

NC as may be outing.

I had a bday party at home for my little one, invite was for a few hours into the afternoon/evening. Some games/bouncy castle/food/soft drinks planned- nothing major.

Invited family members and some of my friends and their children,
Not a huge amount of people.

Some of my friends seemed to seize the opportunity for a "piss up". I usually have a couple of bottles of wine in the fridge/maybe some spirits in the house (I'm not a huge drinker anymore!)... these were all drank (fine)... however I was shocked to see the girls go out and turn up with arm fulls of wine and several more bottles of gin...

I was then told and not asked "alright if we stop over isn't it?". I felt so awkward like I was put on the spot.

I was expecting the party to end around the time I specified on the invitation... my little one was tired and I wanted to get them off to bed and then clean up... instead I had my "friends" getting pissed downstairs and their kids running wild all over my house.

I had older family members there and my in laws and I think they were a little shocked and it didn't give off a good impression at all with drunk people crashed all over my sofas (my fil had popped back as forgot his glasses so saw this as well!).

I know I should have had a backbone but AIBU to be upset? I didn't even drink myself I had one glass of wine, so I'm not sure how anyone got the impression that I was up for or okay with that.

They clearly ARE pissheads. Normal people don't get wasted at a baby's party.

How many people stayed over? Did they at least help clear up in the morning?

I totally agree. He's not my husband.
But if his friends had done this and he hasn't put a stop to it I'd be fuming. So yea I deserve everything I get.

2 plus children in the end. The other drinker got a taxi back home,

Okay, but you saw them coming back with alcohol so you needed to say then, no. When they then asked to stay over, say no. At the point they are dossing about mortal drunk infront of family and presumably children I would have literally physically chucked them out of my house, friends or not!

I don't understand how you don't think you were drinking when you had a glass of wine.

We usually have a drink at the kids birthdays but noone gets drunk, although I'm sure other people have different traditions. I don't understand why you didn't say anything or why you don't feel you can't be honest with your friends.

My friends and I are close enough we can say to each other if we want to be alone now, even if it's just that we are feeling talked out without offence.

The drinking isn’t necessarily an issue here, it’s the saying no to them about them staying over unless you agreed this was ok before.

Didn't they have partners expecting them home? Where did their children sleep? Were they driving and too drunk to drive home? Sounds like a fiasco, did you give them an earful in the morning about getting too drunk to go home and virtually abandoning their kids?

Yes it sounds really simple doesn't it,
I have no idea why I didn't act and use my words. It's not something I'd ever think to do personally, I'd never want to impose myself on anyone or just suggest I stop over, I was just so taken aback.

2 of them are single parents and one is married but I think the husband doesn't like her drinking at home or going out so it's like they used it as an excuse for a girls night.

Nothing was said to me beforehand or even hinted at.

Not even. Why would anyone be drinking alcohol at a child orientated party?

I did actually say errmmm well I'm not sure where everyone is going to sleep, I don't really have the room???

Instead of channeling Deidre Barlow you should have said no not tonight, it's my kids birthday, it's not appropriate.

You need to be more assertive. Is there a history of your friends walking all over you?

So I didn't come downstairs in the morning. My older children were still asleep. I stayed upstairs with baby until they got the hint and left.
I've ignored messages since as I'm
Fuming and trying to think what to say and how to approach it.

One friend phoned yesterday (not involved in drinking) and said that they were inappropriate and said that it was very clear that I wasn't up for a piss up or keen on them staying (but I understand what everyone here is saying,
I should have said very clearly NO which I didn't).

Other children are high school and late primary for those asking.

And they had to try and sleep with kids 'running wild all over the house'?

Was everyone still crashed on the sofas when they got up in the morning?

Yes, you could have handled it better and sent them on their way. But ultimately the fault lies with these tragic idiots who think a kid’s party is a place to get pissed.

I’m torn with this one. When you said, ‘bouncy castle’ and ‘party games with children’, my mind went - alcohol should be mandatory to get through these travesties. But when you describe drunk people passed out on your sofa’s, presumably with kids 😳😳😳.

I don't know why everyone is blaming op. The friends' behaviour was appalling and op should not have been put in a position where she needed to act like the party police! How many people really would feel comfortable taking bottles of wine off grown adults and telling them they weren't allowed to drink it. Yes, it would have been better to refuse the request to stay over but she should never have been put in that position.

Honestly OP, these friends do not respect you. I would be questioning the friendships and I certainly wouldn't be inviting them to your house ever again.

Thank you @Iscreamtea

I know I'm wrong for not speaking up but I think I was just so shocked to have been put in that position in the first place, it never for a moment ever crossed my mind that that was the way the party would.

I won't be having any parties at home ever again or inviting these people back. I don't even want to speak to them tbh.

I don't know why everyone is blaming op.

Because it's her house, her party, her kid, her other half and her responsibility.

Overall though Op do you really consider these people to be good friends or do you just know them as you have kids that age?

Dear me! How long have you been friends with those people? Maybe rethink having them as friends.

They're blaming the OP for not taking responsibility.

No-one's saying her friends weren't out of order.

But it's the OP's house, the OP's DC's home and the OP's friends.

Therefore she should've been firm and put a stop to it. I agree about taking the alcohol off them though, that's just silly. You just tell them they'll have to drink it elsewhere.

OP you didn't say anything at the time to them about how inappropriate it was, but you can still say it now. You need to tell them it was ridiculous what they did. You have to say something to them now at least.

You couldn't foresee it, because most people wouldn't get that drunk at a kids daytime do or go out for more supplies, but you saw it coming when they returned with more booze, you could've prevented it from then, ended it. Hard to believe you went to bed with your kids and stayed upstairs until they had gone the next day without saying a word, extraordinary. You and your kids sat upstairs in your own home trying to do pyjamas teeth and bedtime while they were all on the piss downstairs all night? You and DP both let your kids down.

If a woman came on here and said her DP let his friends get drunk and let their kids run wild at their baby’s party, everyone would rightly say it was not on. If he let them sleep on the sofa and cause mayhem, while he skipped off to bed and didn’t even get up to get rid of them in the morning, everyone would be shouting Ltb.

Honestly OP, with every post you are coming across worse, and you seem to be blaming everyone but yourself. You are a mother of several children, grow up and take responsibility for your own inaction.

Where were their kids who were running wild, did they also sleep over, sounds like chaos. One you won’t forget.

Why do you call him your babies father? Are you not together? Does he live with you?

Have you had these friends round before? Was there drinking?
Have you been to parties at their's before?

Is it normal to sleepover? How well do you know these people?

Some people would consider what you describe pretty normal...a tight knit group of friends socialising together and crashing at the hosts house....but it doesn't just come out of no where. I am guessing this is what they are used to?

You say you weren't drinking but one glass of wine IS drinking.....and I would have had one myself...but it's not like you said "no drinking" please