Upset about drinking at baby's bday

[nc20241]

NC as may be outing.

I had a bday party at home for my little one, invite was for a few hours into the afternoon/evening. Some games/bouncy castle/food/soft drinks planned- nothing major.

Invited family members and some of my friends and their children,
Not a huge amount of people.

Some of my friends seemed to seize the opportunity for a "piss up". I usually have a couple of bottles of wine in the fridge/maybe some spirits in the house (I'm not a huge drinker anymore!)... these were all drank (fine)... however I was shocked to see the girls go out and turn up with arm fulls of wine and several more bottles of gin...

I was then told and not asked "alright if we stop over isn't it?". I felt so awkward like I was put on the spot.

I was expecting the party to end around the time I specified on the invitation... my little one was tired and I wanted to get them off to bed and then clean up... instead I had my "friends" getting pissed downstairs and their kids running wild all over my house.

I had older family members there and my in laws and I think they were a little shocked and it didn't give off a good impression at all with drunk people crashed all over my sofas (my fil had popped back as forgot his glasses so saw this as well!).

I know I should have had a backbone but AIBU to be upset? I didn't even drink myself I had one glass of wine, so I'm not sure how anyone got the impression that I was up for or okay with that.

Exactly.

In defence of the child free I'd like to say I may not have DC but I do know it's not appropriate behaviour to be pissed as a newt at a small child's birthday party! You need better friends Op, the DM's who brought their DC with them and then got drunk behaved very badly, I presume as they're single parents they know they can't get drunk in charge of DC so they not only drank your booze they made you their babysitter, knowing you were sober they thought they could get drunk and someone else would make sure their DC's were OK. This is not OK behaviour. I'd be making it quite clear to them that this will not be happening again.

"Why did he not say something?! It wasn't just your party, he was there too"

He doesn't live there, so if the OP didn't say something he presumably felt it would be overstepping for him to.

I won't be having any parties at home ever again or inviting these people back. I don't even want to speak to them tbh.

It's not fair to punish your children by refusing to have a party ever again. What you need to do is learn to be assertive when put on the spot and not be taken advantage of.

The stopping over on the sofa never happens but the drinking! I find that really odd! How many of them were there?!

But its not overstepping to take it out on the OP by refusing to speak to her?

He's her partner. Father of her baby.
He could have said something too and had her back. Or tipped her off that they'd gone out to buy drink.

Surely he knows the OP well enough to know that she didn't cause this.
Her "friends" overstepped the mark. Not her.

This was clear enough to her other friend who messaged her afterwards and said it was pretty clear that she very reluctant. So if she picked up on it the friends did too.

At children's birthday parties, the host is usually rushing around. OP said she was busy organising games etc and that's why she didn't even know they'd slipped out for drinks.
But all her relatives and partners relatives were there, disapproving. One of them could have said something to OP at the time.

I'm so embarrassed and my babies father is barely speaking to me as he found the conduct of my friends so embarrassing, he is fuming at me for not saying something.

As he should be, you put these idiots before your children and family. I can't believe you didn't say a thing.

Exactly!!

Even if you didn't forsee it, when you actually saw it happen in front of your very own eyes you had the opportunity to do something about it.

I haven't said I'm never having a party again for my children, I said I'm never having one at home again.

That's what I was referring to, a party at home.

Ah sorry OP they sound a nightmare and tbh I would have been blindsided too tbh, its not what you expect at a kids party!

I do think you should message them and tell them that they were out of order. Otherwise you will just stew on it.

I am completely unashamed of just telling people it’s time to go home when I’m hosting a party.

Honestly, don’t listen to that poster. One glass of wine is fine. Your ‘friends’ behaviour isn’t.

Your friends behaviour was not on but having a party that runs into the evening makes it easier to do that. Next time 2-5pm and make it clear it's time for little one's dinner then bedtime routine. I can understand how you didn't realise what they were up to until it was too late, hosting is challenging. Probably they were a bit drunk and thought it was OK to continue down the slippery slope because their judgement was impaired. I'd just tell them factually that you are disappointed in their behaviour and it has embarrassed you and your OH. If they seem genuinely remorseful and make efforts to make amends I wouldn't cut all ties but if they make excuses or say it's not a big deal I'd drop or reduce contact.

Don't let this stop you having a party at home again. Just don't invite them.

Obviously don't know the details with you and OH, but I think he has a bit of a cheek giving you grief, when he wasn't even there to help you host his own baby's party.

I would be furious and would have kicked the lot of them out
Oh and they wouldn't be invited to anything again

Exactly this. You will need to be far more assertive in future or your kids will learn that it’s ok to let people walk all over them and they will be scared to speak up for what they want.

id get some new friends too.

I would feel the same as your baby daddy.

How embarrassing for him. What will his parents think of you?

I may be very unpopular and very old fashioned but no one should get pissed on a baby or kid birthday party.
If you want one drink over a few hours I wouldn't stop you, but if you want to get pissed please leave the premises and go to he pub.
YANBU.

You need to be able to advocate for yourself and your family. You failed to do so
You’re clearly seen as a soft touch who won’t say no. Who’ll umm and ahh but passively acquiesce (which you did)
Get this sorted. Tell them they were bang out of order and you’ll not be a doormat again. And actually mean it
unreservedly apologise to your partner.

Oh dear, that is very embarrassing. Maybe that's how their kids' parties usually go. Maybe they guzzled the first couple quickly with little food then lost all sense and kept going.

I wouldn't fall out with them if they are otherwise good friends but I wouldn't let it happen again. I would say something "listen friends it was a kids birthday party not a hen weekend. My oh is mad with me and I don't really blame him. I'm pretty embarrassed." Then draw a line under it and move on.

I've seen this happen at baby showers - guests getting out of their minds and the sober mum to be going for a lie-down to get away from all the chaos. It's pretty pathetic behaviour really.

For future remember “no” is a complete sentence

I understand op needed to set firmer boundaries but honestly this suggestion is just rude.