A wedding question

[askingaquestionaboutthis]

Hi,

Partner of 9 years has finally (😂) started to make some noises about us getting married. He has floated the idea of a beach wedding in somewhere abroad (initial idea is Santorini) with just nearest and dearest (parents and bridesmaids etc) and our children there, followed by a party back home to celebrate where we can invite wider family and friends. He seems to think this would work out cheaper than a UK wedding. What are people's thoughts on the financial aspect of abroad versus home, and also just general pros and cons of each I might not have considered?

Thank you!

@BarrelOfOtters
I don't think she'd rule it out if it made it more affordable. I'd have to discuss it with her obviously, but I think she would be fine. To be honest, with 2 year old twins and a 5 year old she might even jump at the chance of a child free break 😂

I'd maybe stop listening to your friends. Terribly stressful to plan a wedding in under 2 years? Lucky to do it for under £20k? They seem a bit clueless.

We planned our wedding in 6 months. 120 guests, all the bells and whistles, and it was under £20k. Could have been much cheaper if we wanted it to be. We got married on New year's eve and plenty people warned us we'd struggle to get suppliers for NYE on such short notice. We had no issues at all.

Personally, I think expecting people to go abroad for a wedding is quite rude if they're expected to cover the costs themselves.

Of course they are. However, for non-Greeks - as was demonstrated in a link someone posted much earlier - getting married legally in Greece is astonishingly difficult.

I lived in Greece for several years, by the way.

OP it seems like you are doing everything you can to make it accessible for your family and you aren't 'expecting' anyone to attend. As long as it's an open invitation with no pressure to attend you are absolutely entitled to plan whatever kind of wedding you like. Good luck and enjoy 😄

Just popping back to remind women who aren't married to make sure they have proper legal protections in place for themselves and their children. There is no such thing as common law marriage. A solicitor can explain it to them.

It’s really not, as demonstrated by the link I posted earlier it’s similar to Cyprus, where I got married and involved getting some relatively simple paperwork signed by a solicitor in advance, and then a meeting at the town hall at the venue ahead of the wedding for them to check that paperwork and ID documents.

No more complicated than having the bans read at a UK church in advance really.

Sorry, OP, but I agree with this. Nine years and he's still stalling? And it sounds as though he's creating obstacles to a wedding: he's suggested a small wedding abroad, but he doesn't want an equally small wedding in the UK? In other words, he's happy with a small wedding as long as it'll be difficult and time-consuming to plan?

Same here. I like weddings, I like to see people I care about being happy... but I'm not going to be excited to the point that I want to spend a fortune, and give up the summer holiday I really wanted to go on.

You've continuously posted that it is all what HE wants and he won't listen to you. Bodes well 🙄. Perhaps the status quo is the better option
You've said, more than once, "my friend said"
You also mentioned that your parents are excited about Greece and your sister has always wanted to go there.
Were you quite young when you met OP? Just curious about you just going along with what everyone else wants and says, especially him. I mean, it's your money as well right? Will be your ring? Is that truly where YOU want your finances to be directed over the next 3 years? Especially if there are no assets

And "clearly" you know nothing about me and my wishes because it absolutely IS about being married to the man I love. Choose to believe or not believe that, I don't care😂
Clearly it isn't otherwise you wouldn't be waiting another 3 years. For a holiday and an expensive ring 🤷‍♀️
Of course you don't care, waiting for a 'proposal', or do over, because it's already been done but obviously wasn't insta-worthy, kinda explains that😂

I'd also on be hacked off if my family had to spend £000 on an overseas wedding just because the groom doesn't want his parents there but doesn't want to actually say that to them.

Were you quite young when you met OP?

Depends whether you call 30 "quite young". Personally, at almost 40, it feels young to me 😂

I can't be arsed responding to the rest of your waffle, it's late.

Eh?? He hasn't said this is the reason? If it's subconsciously part of the reason, I don't think he's consciously aware of that, if that makes sense.

This is harsh and so unnecessary. Shes been with him 9 years, whats another 3 to have the wedding she wants? Shes allowed to mention what her friends, partner and family think and feel, when people are basically bashing her for wanting a wedding abroad and saying no one else will be wanting to go. Not everyone wants to meet, get engaged and married within 2 years. That seems incredibly rushed to me, but I wouldn't keep ramming it down someones throat, especially when they've explicitly said they feel the opposite. My mother and her husband got married after 25 years together, its not always everyones top priority you know?! Yes lots of men (and women) will be stalling and stringing their partner along, but what other people do hasn't got any bearing on ops partner, and I'm pretty sure she knows him best. Shes asked for advice on whether getting married abroad is too much, stick to the topic and lay off relationship advice (criticism) she hasn't asked for and whilst you're at it keep your preconceived ideas about reltionships and their marriage timelines to yourself.

I got married abroad - we had no kids - just three friends. Both from different countries and families wouldn't travel. We short if eloped and didn't tell people until we got back.

I agree with the above poster, factor your siblings kids into your cost as a gesture of goodwill. It's so presumptuous to say wedding is 2027 so they have time to save - three kids and they are expected to save money for your wedding choice that you having abroad to save money ..... Another thing, the annual leave issue. Weddings abroad usually hoover up three to four days at least.

Unless you are set on a beach wedding, why not pick a nice venue at home with late afternoon slot and the party after that. Marry at a local registry office no fuss but have a celebrant 'marry' you again in all your finery at the party. Does have to be the same day. Friend did this and it was great fun.

The poster above mentioned there are loads of ways to cut costs. Make a Pinterest board - a zillion ideas. You have more than enough time.

Good luck OP

I got married in Santorini. Paid for the evening before, the open bar at wedding and pool party the day after for all guests. It cost the same as a wedding here minus the open bar for guests. We only invited 15 people. Santorini is also one of the few greek islands where you can legally marry. We paid a power of attorney to sort the paperwork the day after. If you book in good time, you can get some good deals on hotels etc. you will get a wedding planner included in the cost if you go with one of the well known locations e.g santo wines so really easy to actually plan the wedding. Best time of our lives, absolutely no regrets.

@Concannon88
Thank you for that.

I've only mentioned what others have said because I've repeatedly told "they'll be resentful and hate it" over and over! I'd have thought that was obvious. And referring what my married friends have told me seems pretty normal when they've been through a wedding and I haven't? Their views were pretty much all I have to go on, until I posted here for others.

The Insta stuff I'm ignoring as that person hasn't a clue about how I use social media (I actually barely post on Insta, maybe once a month or less !). And if I was only concerned with how it looks ok social media, why would I be happy with a cheaper ring? It's my partner and not me who wants to spend more on the ring, as I've said. He's the one buying it so that's up to him as far as I'm concerned.

People who marry abroad and say their guests were really happy need to remember that guests will never tell the bride and groom how massively inconvenienced they were.

Weddings abroad can feel a bit naff and false. And the couple commit others to significant expense.

Agree on the savings thing. I save for my future, not for parties!

And yes, no one says to your face that your wedding was a ball ache. But whenever I meet one friend, he and I share a moan about his brother's wedding abroad! (The friend singles me out for this because in his words, my husband "is a relentlessly positive bastard", and won't say a bad word about it, whereas I was pregnant and had a transparently horrible time.)

Had a wedding abroad, loved it. All guests had a blast and still talk fondly of it 10 years later. Been a guest at two weddings abroad. Loved them. Would do it again in a heartbeat if money allows. Not everyone hates a destination wedding ☺️ so many Negative Nancies on wedding chats these days.

Our son got married in Italy last year

He lives in Australia. The bride and mother Austalian, father of the bride lives Hongkong and guests from England, Ireland, Scotland and America turned up for it

It came about as the Brides mother and step father were doing the "tour of europe' so it seemed like a good idea to hire a villa and get married there so that as many people as possible to get there. The only costs to guests were their own flights any food / drink they wanted outside of the villa ( villa was booked for 5 nights with caterers for 3 nights , most guests just staying those three nights )

However it wasnt legal in Australia so they had to do the registrars office back there and they threw the party for friends after that :)

It wasnt cheap, but all three families contributed to the costs so it was actually cheaper for us as Dad and Stepmum, only flying to Italy rather then Sydney, just four nights away rather then the three weeks ( not having to pay for dog boarding nor a carer for mum ) and all the other asscociated costs for long distance, long stay

Neice and Nephew got married in Greece, just their parents , best man and MOH ( a couple so no +1's ) and had the party for friends back home

Its hard to ask people to give up their holidays to come to a wedding abroad and pay their own way. I personally wouldnt ask anyone to do it Its expensive enough to go to a wedding in the same country

Wanted to update to say .... he proposed at the weekend! 🤩🥂🥰

Congratulations!
🎉

Congratulations. What is your ring like? Do you love it. Did you choose it? So many questions 😀

Congratulations 😍