A wedding question

[askingaquestionaboutthis]

Hi,

Partner of 9 years has finally (😂) started to make some noises about us getting married. He has floated the idea of a beach wedding in somewhere abroad (initial idea is Santorini) with just nearest and dearest (parents and bridesmaids etc) and our children there, followed by a party back home to celebrate where we can invite wider family and friends. He seems to think this would work out cheaper than a UK wedding. What are people's thoughts on the financial aspect of abroad versus home, and also just general pros and cons of each I might not have considered?

Thank you!

It’s not only the cost, it’s dictating to other families that they take time off and have their own holiday choice all forced around your preferences.

You either pay for everyone or accept that they either decline or do accept but resent it, which is probably even worse.

I also think it’s only cheaper for the couple if you do nothing at home.

I keep getting the same comments over and over so to clarify:

Only bridesmaids would be my 2 sisters - one is absolutely in a financial position to attend and has already said she would be there no question (she's child free). The other sister and BiL have 3 children so I accept it may be trickier cost wise for her, but I'd be happy to help her with the costs as someone else suggested. Other bridesmaids are mine and DP's 2 adult / teen daughters, who we are obviously paying for. And a flower girl (our own young DD). The only other people I'd want obviously are my parents, and they've said it's fine and they'd be there.

The only guest my DP wants is his best mate (he doesn't really get on with his parents and won't be bothered if they aren't there). I think his mate might come, I'm not sure. But DP would have to decide how much of a deal breaker that is for him if he couldn't I guess.

Re children - there's only my sister in the bridal party with 3 small children. They are of course invited as they're my nieces and nephew. So there'll be no fallings out re children attending or not.

I think "abroad weddings" in most circumstances are inconsiderate.

2027?? You want to get married, so just go to the Register Office and do it now for a few hundred pounds. You can also choose to have a family holiday in Greece, if you wish.
But absolutely nobody wants to hear you banging on about a wedding for the next 3 years, nor be expected to save for that long to attend a marriage abroad.

Have you been to Santorini? One side of the island gets a huge amount of tourists from cruise ships and it's not somewhere I would want to be in the summer.

Legally you get a Greek government document for a civil ceremony and register the marriage back in the UK as far as I know.

Weather - depends where in UK and what time of year. Consider the record heatwaves in Europe last summer - you might boil in Santorini.

I got married in June and it rained but the venue was on high ground in the middle of the Pennines in Yorkshire. Bristol might have been a different story.

So this will be on school holidays? May make it pricier

Also my friend told me that a wedding abroad isn't legally recognised in the U.K. and so we'd need to pay for a ceremony here too to make it legal - does anyone know why this is?

A factor other than the cost is that you are asking people to use their annual leave to go to a place they might not want to have a holiday. (Or are you expecting them to fly in the day before and fly home the day after?)

It depends on the country and whether they have an agreement with the UK for it to be legally recognised. Just like you can only get married legally in licensed premises in the UK. It had to meet certain conditions for it to be legal.

I think you have already decided on the wedding abroad and don't want to hear how difficult and costly it is likely to be for your family to attend. In particular bridesmaids who feel obligated to attend and will have all the additional costs.

Wow. Such hostility.

Actually the initial response I've had from my closest family about our thoughts has been overwhelmingly excitement and happiness! We are a very close family and believe it or not, I LOVED listening to both my sisters "bang on" about their own special days for ages in the lead up to the day and also helping to plan and be a part of it, because I love them and was excited for them too!

We aren't all misery guts you know, some people have close families who share each others excitement and joy!

Thank you!

No I haven't. So this is helpful to consider.

You think wrong. Would I bother wasting my time posting if I'd made up my mind? 🤔

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/#:~:text=Your%20legal%20rights%20as%20a,than%20if%20you're%20married.

Really don't delay getting married because of the legal protection that it offers you is invaluable. Especially if death or separation happens before you get married because you have a 5 yr old. Nobody can tell the future so try put legal protections in place quickly. In your position. I would book a registry wedding ASAP & plan an after party afterwards.

That's incorrect.

https://www.gov.uk/marriage-abroad/y/greece/uk/oppositesex

"Your marriage will be recognised in the UK if:

• you followed the correct process according to the law in Greece
• it would be allowed under UK law

You won’t need to register your marriage in the UK."

@askingaquestionaboutthis then think about listening to posters rather than getting cross because you are not getting the responses you want.

Okay is he suggesting this as a way to ditch his own parents?

Could you do a nice registry office with just your kids?
Then have a party (and even a "promise ceremony" or thanksgiving service) somewhere cheaper. You could even make this less accessible for his parents.
Otherwise it is going to cost at least £150 per person for flights.

www.santoriniweddings.net/how-to-i-get-married-in-santorini/
It seems as if you need a civil wedding and have to be in Santorini for about 20 days.

@Stickyricepudding
Thanks, but partner doesn't want to do a registry office. He wants a larger ceremony.

Much cheaper to find a nice little venue and do small do here to be honest. I know pretty venues here you can do everything for 30-40 guests for £4000. Just add dress, suit, rings and a few flowers.

@PaulGalico1
Lol where have I got "cross"?! 😂😂
I am responding to posters in the exact tone that they are posting in. If they don't want me to be rude back, they might wish to consider their own posts.

@MollyButton
Ooh you might have a point there! His words actually were, "I know my mum and dad wouldn't bother coming if it was abroad", so maybe it is a way of ensuring they don't. I'd have to dig deeper on that one.

On your initial Q your DP’s suggested option seems unlikely to be cheaper than a larger UK wedding, for you as a couple, even if you pay nothing towards your ‘overseas’ guests’ travel and accommodation expenses. Unless perhaps the UK celebration involved no or v little food/drink that you pay for.

Giving a lot of notice to the ‘overseas’ guests doesn’t address most of the negative factors for them.

My friend reckoned I'd be struggling to get the whole cost under 20k in this country! Hers was close to 30k. That's what's put me off😩

@askingaquestionaboutthis I was trying to be polite with 'cross' you are right rude is much better.