A wedding question

[askingaquestionaboutthis]

Hi,

Partner of 9 years has finally (😂) started to make some noises about us getting married. He has floated the idea of a beach wedding in somewhere abroad (initial idea is Santorini) with just nearest and dearest (parents and bridesmaids etc) and our children there, followed by a party back home to celebrate where we can invite wider family and friends. He seems to think this would work out cheaper than a UK wedding. What are people's thoughts on the financial aspect of abroad versus home, and also just general pros and cons of each I might not have considered?

Thank you!

We got married abroad and I had nothing to do with where anyone stayed, what flights they booked or how long they stayed for, we left that to individuals to arrange. I just put a dress in a carry on bag and DHs suit went in his, you don’t have to get involved in what all the guests are doing :)

As long as everyone we knew were coming were at the destination on the day we were getting married I left them to it.

A lot can change in three years. People feel pregnant and life happens.

I am generally against destination weddings and cannot see why people sacrifice having friends and family around them in order to have photos in the sunshine.

Anyway, if you do want to have an abroad wedding I would thoroughly discourage you from going to Santorini. We went a couple of years ago with our teens. It was hilariously overcrowded and full of influencers. There were people everywhere taking photos for social media. We found it amusing. But it is definitely not a place I would want to take young children to and not somewhere for a relaxing or romantic break. It is all about the photos and Drones overhead, snapping picturesque scenes. It is full of tourists and extremely expensive. It was absolutely fascinating for getting a glimpse of society today, but definitely not a wedding destination. There are many other beautiful Greek islands to choose.

quite a log of this data is Googl-able, OP.

https://beyondweddings.com/blog/getting-married-greece#:~:text=In%20order%20to%20do%20this,valid%20for%206%20months%20thereafter.

This in particular jumped out:

”The process of getting married in Greece can be fairly tedious….Therefore, we would typically recommend marrying in the UK and then celebrating a non-legal wedding blessing/celebration once you’re in Greece - minus the hassle! “

Better yet, get your partner to do the research, especially as he’s the one who’s suggested the idea.

I want to make a lifelong commitment to the man I love and the father of my child, because I love him and I want to be his wife. Pretty much all there is to it, really.

I'm a vicar in the North east- not Northumberland. I think church weddings can offer really good value for money and a beautiful setting. It can also be very personal - I love getting to know the couples and their children in the build up to the day. A 4pm service followed by a party in a community hall is the cheapest way of doing it but of course there are lots of good venues if you want something a bit grander.

@Concannon88
I mean the traditional "will you marry me?" proposal with a ring. He wants to do all that part first, with a ridiculously expensive ring by the sounds of how long he wants to save for it 😳 I'd be genuine happy with a cheaper ring and for us to be engaged sooner. He doesn't want this.

Also @RosesAndHellebores what if I want to say my own personal vows to him? Is that allowed? They can be about whatever I want them to be then right?

Plenty of places abroad really easy to get married and legal with nothing to do when you get home - Cyprus is a good place to look at, really simple to get married there.

@RosesAndHellebores

They are religion specific marriage vows. I presume the OP is not having a church service. You are aware not all weddings are religious?

Our families are around 100 miles apart so wherever we married there would be travel involved and overnight stays. We didn't want a big wedding. We got married abroad and said this is where it is. It would be lovely to see you but fully understand finances / childcare / annual leave etc. We said absolutely no gifts and meant it. (None of this no boxed gifts crap that really means money)
The people who came had a fabulous time. We were not in the slightest offended by anyone who didn't come. Because we're adults and we get it. And we didn't have a seating plan! Except top table everyone just sat wherever. We used a wedding company and they just did everything. We also had a day where we hosted everyone ( villa) informally at a little gathering.
We didn't bother with a big party when we got back because we still would have had the logistics of travel. And some had already travelled.

Ahh wrong thread hehe

Absolutely. And the religious, spiritual promises blessed by God have sailed here, which is why I suggested a register office wedding, done as simply as possible.

The OP seems to have crossed wires about what represents a marriage and an expensive shindig. I'm also not sure how an expensive wedding can be planned if they aren't yet engaged or why there has to be an expensive ring that requires ages of saving. If he can't afford the ring, than as sure as eggs are eggs, he can't afford an expensive wedding.

@RosesAndHellebores
🙄🙄🙄

There is such a thing as saving for expensive things, right? That's the plan, hence the 3 year gap between now and the wedding.

And HE wants the more expensive ring. We could get a cheaper one tomorrow, but he doesn't want that. I've said that few times now.

@askingaquestionaboutthis it all sounds very much like champagne tastes and beer money to me. DH not being able to afford a very expensive ring didn't delay our engagement or marriage. We had what we could afford.

The only thing I’d be wary of OP is that he’s not just using the excuse of an expensive ring to put off proposing/getting married. That’s what my friends partner did, they’d had years worth of discussions about where they’d get married, had even gone to wedding fayres, discussed guest lists and venues etc, but he always “wanted to propose properly with a proper ring” first. She insisted she’d be happy with a £30 ring from Pandora and genuinely meant that, she just wanted to marry him, but he was always “oh no, you deserve this amazing ring and this perfect proposal” etc etc. 5 years down the line still no ring and no wedding, another child later, and he left her. The talk of rings and proposals kept her sweet and stopped her pushing on timing but all it really meant in the end was that she ended up left with 2 kids and none of the legal protection that just a quick registry office marriage would have provided while they could then have saved for their big special day. Nobody ever thinks it would happen to them until it does so just be careful x

Have a chat with your sister and consider what ages her kids will be

Will you time it with school holidays? Or are you expecting them to take time off school?

This is exactly what is going through my mind having read about your partner's desires for the wedding/proposal. It strikes me as odd that he has chosen a ring that he wants to give you, but it seems as though you have no say in his choice? I'd hate to be given a ring I hadn't had input into, even more so if it's so expensive.

You know what, that's really fucking unpleasant.

We earn relatively well, we can save for a decent mid range wedding within a couple years. Just because we don't have the money right here right now, doesn't mean it's out of our grasp to save for it.

Are you suggesting that because we don't have 15k to pull out of the air at this precise moment, we should just go to a registry office? Why? We have the disposable income available to us to save for better than that if we have the wedding in a couple of years, so why wouldn't we?

Oh yeah I'd make sure it was school hols.

Sisters kids are 5 and 2 now (younger 2 are twins). So they'll be 8 and 5 in 2027.

It’s more odd that OP has had a DC with her DP without considering cohabitation vs marriage in terms if legalities, money etc. Perhaps OP is a high earner with her own assets: hope so!

Get legally married in a register office asap, just with 2 witnesses.

Honeymoon or family holiday in fancy abroad venue.

Big wedding celebration party back home in the summer, wear your wedding dress and have a ceremony of some sort, ie hand tying.

Win, win, win

Hmm. I don't know tbh. He's not really entertained even so much as a discussion about marriage in the previous 8 years or so. He's always said his previous marriage put him off.

It's only recently that he's begun to open up conversations about it himself, and tell me he's been looking at rings etc and considering venues. I'm not sure why he'd do that if he didn't want to?

I don't know about higher earner, I earn circa 50-60k. I don't have assets.

If you decide on abroad I'd talk to your sister too since it sounds like she's the one who might find it most difficult. Maybe you could talk to her about dates and locations so she could tag a holiday on as well somewhere she'd want to go rather than use up her holiday budget and annual leave just for your wedding?