To expect my husband to support me?

[pregahes]

need some advice on a recurring issue with my husband. Whenever I feel upset or wronged by someone, he always dismisses my feelings or acts like he doesn’t care. It’s getting to the point where I feel like I can’t count on him to have my back.

For instance, during a recent long-haul flight, I put my seat back, and the person behind me kept pushing it forward. When I politely asked if I could recline my seat, she replied aggressively, supported by her husband. I called the flight attendant for assistance, and they resolved the situation.

However, my husband, who had his headphones on and missed the whole exchange, didn’t seem to care when I told him what happened. He simply shrugged it off and went back to his seat and said it isn't his problem, even though I was visibly upset and shaken by the incident.

This isn’t an isolated incident. My husband always seems to side with others instead of supporting me, leaving me feeling unsupported and alone. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take my side in situations like these? I’d appreciate any advice or perspective on how to handle this. Thanks.

Perhaps he felt you reclined your seat at the wrong time, so didn’t agree with you.

You should always ask before you recline your seat. The fact you didn’t ask in the first place puts you in the wrong. When you say you “politely asked” what you mean is, you’d already put your seat back, and were now passive aggressively escalating the situation.

Then the fact you got poor staff involved, just makes you sound like hard work. Perhaps your husband is just exhausted with it all.

I think it depends on the situation and if he agrees you’re “in the right”. I have to say I wouldn’t be getting involved if my husband had reclined his seat back and pissed off the person behind him, he’s an adult, we aren’t kids in a playground, he doesn’t need a little squad “on his side”.

I also think if being told off for reclining your seat left you “visibly upset and shaken” then maybe you’re being a bit dramatic in general and he’s fed up of it, which is understandable.

But in more serious situations I am always on his side & have his back and vice versa.

@DustyLee123 aside from when food is being served., there isn't a wrong time and food wasn't being served.

The way they spoke to me was disrespectful and he didn't care at all.

Is there a wrong time outside of during meal time not recline your seat because if there is I didn't know about it and even if there was when a couple is being aggressive to your wife I expect him to be on side. They thumped my seat forward and were really intimidating.

He doesn’t need to take your side when you’re wrong. You should’ve checked before you put your seat back- people have had laptops broken and it’s really easy to knock over a drink or something if you don’t.

You’re a grown woman, maybe he just assumes you can handle such a relatively minor situation. I’d be unimpressed if my husband jumped in when I was dealing with something.

No one owes you “respect” 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I think you're getting the wrong end of the stick - I don't expect him to jump in but I do expect him not to befriend the people that did it and also no one has ever asked me if they are ok to recline the seat. Ever and I've taken probably over 100 flights in my life.

What airline are you guys flying with? I surely cannot be the only person to not ask? And more to the point, the lady behind only had to politely ask me to put it up then not be aggressive with me

@Herdinggoats yes they do, everyone should be respectful to others it's basic.

Did previous posters miss that OP has two passengers behaving aggressively towards her? I would absolutely expect a partner to be concerned in that situation.

It’s perfectly normal on long haul flights to (slowly) recline the seat outside of mealtimes. I have never had someone in front ask my permission beforehand and I didn’t mind at all.

@Mrsttcno1 I wasn't being 'told off!' In fact the flight attendant came and told the other woman off and she explained I have the right to recline my seat if I want to

Interesting that you say this but yet don’t feel you had any need to ask the person behind you on a flight before reclining your seat ? Respect is a two way thing

You said this isn't the only incident that he has sided with others against you . Can you say what the other incidents were ? I can see your point in that he could see you were upset and didn't seem to care .

@Brindelz thank you, I'd love to know what airline everyone else is flying on because I've never ever had anyone ask to recline their seat in my life.

I never ask to recline and also have never been asked. It’s to be expected someone might want to put their seat back and agree as long as you don’t do it at a meal time it’s fine. I also have flown hundreds of times. nonsense!

your husband should be on your side and be a person to provide emotional support. Agree he doesn’t have to get involved but it’s part of the marriage deal he should listen to you, show some empathy and not just be a dick.

I never recline my seat on flights but I've been reclined upon by the seat in front many a time and no one asked me if it was ok to recline.

Is it a thing to have to ask before reclining?

I don't really know what he could have done after the event. I guess he could've said 'oh, what a bitch. Her poor husband. I hope you're not too upset?' etc etc. but if he has no genuine interest in it then they'd just be empty words.
My DH often just kind of shrugs when I tell him some tale of a person acting a bit arsey. I wouldn't take it as him being unsupportive. He's just thinking about or doing something else.
If you were seriously wronged I would hope he would have genuine sympathy. But the airline seat and involving the staff etc is not exactly the post office scandal mark 2.

It’s not about asking for permission as such, but informing incase that have a drink/laptop on the table. It’s just polite, but not everyone is obviously.

How often do these situations occur because to be honest, I’m struggling to think of a time I’ve had any sort of row with a stranger and certainly not one I felt I needed back up from my partner! Is it possible he doesn’t agree with how you interact with others so keeps quiet?

I always tell the person behind I'm reclining. It's good manners. I fly loads.

Can I also explain the lady behind me was seriously horrid and I was actually concerned she may hit me. I'm not a dramatic person, whether you believe that or not is up to you but even the guy next time me asked if I was ok and the other lady next to me said the woman behind was rude - so clearly it was not me in the wrong here.

They absolutely intimidated me and punched my seat forward to put it upright / that is not normal behaviour

Is he a good partner in other ways? As being supportive and kind to your partner is pretty basic.

And the OP is really polite, so she should know this.

In the moment of a situation, I would always be there to back my wife up, and my default position would be that she's right. Although tbh she's better at dealing with contentious situations than I am, so she rarely needs me!
Afterwards though. I'd be honest if I thought she was in the right or wrong - and I'd expect the same from her if the situation was reversed.

Can I also just point out I didn't expect him to start a row with this couple - but I don't expect him to laugh along with them and I would also expect him to ask if I'm ok or say bloody hell that's ridiculous or something. Instead of 'it's not my problem' and huff.

I told him I was worried to go back to my seat because I will recline and she could get violent with me (you had to be there to understand why this was was entirely possible). If I were my husband I would have perhaps just when I sat next to them said my wife wants to put her seat back are you ok with that or something. And this ain't a man woman thing it's a team thing.

When someone wrongs him I'm there - sticking up for him and asking him if he wants me to do anything to help.

He had a dispute where he was set to lose 25k over some deal and I said I will get on the phone and get the money back because I care.

I don't get the same in return I feel