To expect my husband to support me?

[pregahes]

need some advice on a recurring issue with my husband. Whenever I feel upset or wronged by someone, he always dismisses my feelings or acts like he doesn’t care. It’s getting to the point where I feel like I can’t count on him to have my back.

For instance, during a recent long-haul flight, I put my seat back, and the person behind me kept pushing it forward. When I politely asked if I could recline my seat, she replied aggressively, supported by her husband. I called the flight attendant for assistance, and they resolved the situation.

However, my husband, who had his headphones on and missed the whole exchange, didn’t seem to care when I told him what happened. He simply shrugged it off and went back to his seat and said it isn't his problem, even though I was visibly upset and shaken by the incident.

This isn’t an isolated incident. My husband always seems to side with others instead of supporting me, leaving me feeling unsupported and alone. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take my side in situations like these? I’d appreciate any advice or perspective on how to handle this. Thanks.

You definitely said he was laughing along with them. I think you are forgetting your story as you embellish it more with every post.

Anyway by your tone on this thread and some of the language you use, I expect you are regularly getting into spats with random people and your husband is absolutely sick to death of it, especially considering he is the one more likely to be punched in the face.

Well then you have to be prepared to come up against someone who is unwilling to let you recline, or who will make it awkward for you.

your husband should be on your side and be a person to provide emotional support.

No, not if you've been an arse. And no, I didn't sign up to be the default emotional support animal for my partner. I expect a partner to be able to manage situations they get themselves into and manage their own feelings to a great extent. In exchange I look after myself and manage my own feelings. I'm not my partner's security person or therapist and I don't expect a partner to offer those services to me.

I would not want my husband getting involved. I can stick up for myself. I think you are quite right on an overnight trip to recline but yes I would always wait until after the meal. My husband has very long legs and he was once nearly kneecapped by someone going back really quickly without notice. When going back, I look round, make eye contact and then go back very slowly.

I fly regularly for work, never had an issue. And any passenger who is unwilling or making it awkward I’d not engage, I’d let cabin crew deal with them,

They are not going to divert a flight because someone prevents you from reclining your seat lol.

I never said they would? The point is poorly behaved passengers are not my problem, I wouldn’t engage, simply let cabin crew deal with them,

Well, having been on the receiving end of someone reclining a seat into my lap when I was holding an 18 month DC, I am struggling to sympathise.

But yeah, your DH should have your back. But maybe he thinks you're in the wrong and was embarrassed at your behaviour.

@Lampslights yes I know you didn't, but I'm just thinking what can cabin crew actually do if someone stands their ground, keeps their hand on the seat in front to prevent reclining?

As long as the person who doesn't want someone reclining onto them is polite throughout all exchanges, there is literally NOTHING they can do.

This. I got into a spat with a really nasty red neck American on a flight once. He turned to my husband and said “Please will you control your wife?” My bloke raised his eyebrows and said “Good luck with that” and went back to his book.

I just knew twats were going to derail the thread based on the reclining seat detail.

Whatever you bunch of martyrs think, fliers are entitled to recline their seat. It’s during landing, take off and meals that you can’t. Get over that.

100% this.

OP you don't have a reclining seat problem, you have a husband problem. If that happened to me my DH would have been all over it and vice versa. There's no way I would allow someone to do that to anyone I was with let alone my DH.

What's he like normally. Is he kind and caring or is he usually a dick? Did he maybe want to diffuse the situation because you were in such close proximity for several hours or was he just being a dick?

As for everyone jumping on the OP for not asking before reclining her seat, that is not a common thing that happens. Passengers should be able to recline their seat without being abused by another passenger.

Generally they would call the captain to habe a word, tell the person to stop behaving in this manner, if they continue to do so, then yes they may consider divering it the person continued to escalate and refused to stop if they couldn’t move the people in front. They certainly would not be allowed to fly the airline again in either instance.

Oh the IRONY of you calling people twats. 😂

@Lampslights good luck to the captain.

By your own admission you escalate things and don't back down.

He's probably just sick of the unnecessary hassle you create.

I'm also the type that just wouldn't be arsed getting involved with mini spats over small stuff. I'm not a pushover and can stand up for myself but I'm not spoiling for a fight all the time. If my partner had a spat with someone over reclining a seat, I would stay out of it and be annoyed if he escalated it in any way.

You can't control how other people behave but you can control your reaction to it.

To comment on the reclining seat issue isn’t derailing the thread. The OP asked if her husband had been unreasonable in not sticking up for her. If she had been walking along the street and someone out of the blue slapped a drink out of her hands then, yes he should stick up for her. If she has been a pain in the neck, reclining her seat without checking if the person behind has got a drink or laptop on the table and got herself into (what sounds like yet another) altercation, then he’s probably just tired of it.

It's annoying as hell when people recline their seats on flights. I know it's "allowed" outside of certain times but it isn't polite imo.

Maybe your husband feels the same so didn't want to get involved in an issue where he secretly thought you shouldn't have reclined your seat.

There is a special place in hell for people who recline their seat. Unless it’s night time and everyone is doing it.

Surely asking cabin crew to intervene is the correct response in the situation OP outlines? DH getting involved would likely only exacerbate the situation. OP had already called for cabin crew so there was nothing for him to do.

With the seat recline thing you are in the wrong I'm afraid. But you can't accept that I see and keep defending it.

My OH often does what I would call really embarrassing complaining/setting people straight. He wouldn't call it that. I find it hideously embarrassing and often walk off so people don't know he's with me. Two things are going on at the same time. I'm mortally afraid of any type of confrontation and hate having attention drawn to me. He thinks he's being reasonable and is confident enough to speak out. Maybe your OH is a bit like me?

That would be a massive red flag for me . Loyalty is probably the most important thing in every relationship I have from friends to partner . You stick to yours no matter what .
My partner is much better at diffusing a situation than me I give him that , but we have each others backs.

No one has ever asked me if I mind the seat being reclined and I've been on plenty of flights.

Soz, mistake. Deleted.

Sounds to me like de- escalating this utterly trivial situation by not getting involved is exactly what this situation needed!

Either you, the woman behind you or both of you were spoiling for a fight. In that case ‘having your back’ by failing to get involved made it better, not worse