To expect my husband to support me?

[pregahes]

need some advice on a recurring issue with my husband. Whenever I feel upset or wronged by someone, he always dismisses my feelings or acts like he doesn’t care. It’s getting to the point where I feel like I can’t count on him to have my back.

For instance, during a recent long-haul flight, I put my seat back, and the person behind me kept pushing it forward. When I politely asked if I could recline my seat, she replied aggressively, supported by her husband. I called the flight attendant for assistance, and they resolved the situation.

However, my husband, who had his headphones on and missed the whole exchange, didn’t seem to care when I told him what happened. He simply shrugged it off and went back to his seat and said it isn't his problem, even though I was visibly upset and shaken by the incident.

This isn’t an isolated incident. My husband always seems to side with others instead of supporting me, leaving me feeling unsupported and alone. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take my side in situations like these? I’d appreciate any advice or perspective on how to handle this. Thanks.

Honestly you sound very emotional, where drama surrounds you and your husband isn’t interested in being involved.

we co-exist in a world with other people, they will at times behave in an unexpected way but what’s the point in getting yourself upset over such insignificant things? Have you ever heard the phrase “pick your battles”?

you keep mentioning being 40 so needing to stand up for yourself. I really don’t understand the impulsiveness/propensity to be volatile? I’m in my 20s and would have ignored the majority of what you have described, because in perspective, I have a dozen other things going on that warrant my attention. You must have a pretty easy going life if this is what riles you up?

You are definitely being unreasonable.

You give an example of an anti-social airplane act and expect your husband to defend you.

You sound all entitlement.

And yet we know reclining aircraft seats is a matter of etiquette. Short European flights - it's just rude, which is why seats on new shorthaul aircraft no longer recline.

When passengers are eating. It's difficult, not impossible, if people recline their seats.

When you go on longhaul flights (7+ hours), everyone needs to sleep. Everyone needs to accommodate everyone else.

But seeing all the yobs on flights - you did exactly the right thing and directed it to cabin crew to manage.

Your husband did the right thing and did not get involved with this woman and man. Or you might have found yourselves both escorted orf the aircraft or arrested on landing.

So what do you want?

No one is entirely right or wrong in an aircraft chair situation. Fat people press their bodies up against yours with no permission. You reclining makes it difficult for people in the row behind to get out and go to the toilet. Your husband not getting involved, saved you from becoming arrested.

It's a difficult one.

You seem to have no empathy for how you impact people around you.

And yet you want sympathy because your husband does not understand you you may feel???

Well, your husband isn’t going to change so it’s on you to change how you feel about it. Hopefully, if you’re in a serious conflict he would come to your rescue. In the meantime, don’t sweat the small stuff.

People like this are vile. You feel the need to have a partners backup when you feel like being aggressive to others. Normally the type to pick on single people with children

i haven’t read the whole thread but it seems like you’re getting a really hard time from some posters and your thread is getting derailed. Of course you should be able to put your seat back. I’ve never asked anyone and no one’s ever asked me. That’s why the seats recline.

Your husband sounds like a dick. He needs to support you not ignore your needs.

By the time you are in your 40s and have had to put up with an additional 20+ years of people being arseholes you might think differently.
I avoid confrontation and my DH hates it, but sometimes you do need to stand up or otherwise people will just continually get away with treating others like shit.

Slight difference between losing a large sum of money and having an embarrassing barney with someone on a plane. Maybe he doesn’t agree with how you deal with others or felt embarrassed by how you handled the situation. I mean I can’t remember ever needing any support from my husband after an altercation and it seems as though all of your posts add to how bad it was to garter more support from posters

OP, I totally get where your coming from. Upon starting a new job a few years back, I began to get bullied immediately. I put up with it for about 2 months, thinking maybe I was imagining it, so I didn't say anything. One day though, after a particularly humiliating day I came home & just burst into tears, finally telling hubby about the bullying etc. His response "are you sure it's not you"? It wasn't & I left that job shortly afterwards, but thanks

Is he simply a coward?

His response "are you sure it's not you"? It wasn't & I left that job shortly afterwards, but thanks

That’s awful @savethatkitty . Has his attitude improved?

When I get a whiff of that kind of victim blamey attitude from a partner or friend I’m off. I had a now ex-friend who said similar. Good thing HR, ACAS and various colleagues didn’t agree with her and upheld my grievance and compensated me. Even they could see it wasn’t me.

Yes, his attitude has improved. At the time, I was being bullied by highly educated professionals. My superiors. My bosses. It was so unreal that they could be the instigators, it just defied belief they could act in that way. So I can kind of understand how he didn't get it at first. I didn't get what was happening to me at first either!

You’ve had some odd replies on here. Seat reclining v not reclining threads are usually 50:50 ish.

It does sound like that couple were really aggressive and rude to you and that your husband was very wrong just to leave you to it. Regardless of the rights and wrongs of seat reclining.

But you ask first. You are, after all, crowding someone behind you and maybe they have a drink, or a child on their lap, and you've just reclined as if no-one is behind you. You were in the wrong to do this and then you were 'polite' and would not take the answer that you should not recline your seat. I suspect your husband thinks you are a bit of a drama queen and ignores it for the sake of peace. Maybe think more about how your actions might affect others - because you did not think about this when you reclined your seat.