To refuse to go on any holidays this year ?

[Sunnydaysathome]

Every year for the last 6 years we have done 3 breaks a year one abroad in summer , and 2 UK breaks (one coastal and one to see dh family Easter and then may half term)

I hate it. It’s never relaxing. The dc get travel sick, I hate organising and packing etc. I don’t like dh’s family’s dogs and cats. The last 2 years I haven’t been happy about it but dh took over the organising hit when away it’s still the same I don’t feel like I’m having a break it’s just non stop .

I told dh last year that this year I wasn’t going anywhere. I reiterated this multiple times . He’s now annoyed that nothing is booked for Easter.
There are plenty of things dc can do for days out. Or he can take them if he wanted but it’s hard as one has SEN so in reality it needs both of us there.

I told him his family can get an air bnb near us and visit us rather than us driving hours

Surely sometimes people take a year off from holidays ?? I just can’t face it this year.

I’m in my early 60’s. Done it all. Find away from home very tiring. But you’ll be dead a long time Try and just do the bits that done wear you out.

I think the issue is that you're seeing the family visits as holidays. They are not that as they are something else entirely. A necessity. Get them to visit you yes, it should alternate surely, why is it always you doing the travelling? I live north east and visit my family in the south as often as they visit me.

Have a good think about it with dh and all the kids and find something you'd all be happy with, and do that as your main holiday. If you can't convince them to just not have any this year that is.

Absolutely stay at home. If you're not enjoying the holidays it's just a waste of time and money. Your kids will probably love staying home. I know mine do. Maybe next year you'll fancy a holiday.

You're not unreasonable at all to want to stay home and relax! Invite his family to visit for a few days and book them an air bnb. He'll just have to lump it! Or he can go and visit on his own if he wants 🤷‍♀️

Unless you have a SEN child, it's very difficult to grasp how awful holidays can be. Our attempts at holidays in the earlier years were exhausting and just too much for our youngest DD to cope with. We had short, fairly local breaks for years and only in the last couple of years have we ventured abroad (she's 15 now and much better at being able to regulate herself or tell us what is causing her distress)

Don't beat yourself up about having a break for a year or two, find some great local days out and intersperse with beach days (if you have one near) picnics, bbq's etc. Getting a big pool is a great idea, mine love our pool and it saved our sanity during the summer, let the older kids to invite their friends over.
Absolutely let family know the situation and that they are very welcome to visit, but you are taking a much needed break.

OP I get it.

For one year it won't do anyone any harm in staying home, if DH is moaning, I'd be reiterating sharpish that I said I wasn't booking anything - why can't he do it and take the older ones to see his family if he wants to? I appreciate the younger one needs both parents but if you've said you'd cope for a weekend - bloody do that!

I'm the family organiser and it drives me fucking insane at times, I suggest holidays but it's all "Yeah maybe" til I have to push it and then it becomes war time peace negotiations on where people would like to stay and I have to magic up solutions 🤬 - that's me slightly projecting there....

Have a year off and enjoy being at home. The teens will want to hang out with mates and there are weekends away if you ever fancy it later on.

I think YANBU at all, a year off sounds lovely.

You have a lot on with your youngest and it sounds like a lot of work.

Many people do love holidays, but many others don't, and that's fine.

I totally get you
I've 2 with SEN ,and I'm doing the same as you this year .we usually go away at Easter too .I've not booked .
It's horrendous,and my husband works right up to the day we go ,so I have to pack everything.the kids will not give me their clothes to wash untill a few days before,so I spends days packing clothes food everything for 4 people.we have two dogs that come ,one is very ill and needs a lot of medical equipment,so I have to pack that also.
Then when we get there they are so traumatised from the journey they don't want to go anywhere or do anything,and you can't just go out to eat with 2 dogs and us all vegan ,it has to be planned ,not every where takes dogs ..the last 3 times the car has broken down on the way there ,just to add to the stress .
I'm so done of it all ..
The only holiday that would be relaxing for me ,would be a hotel with a pool by myself...fat chance

We're not going this year. We have to stay in UK for medical reasons, have elderly dog and I have to do everything. It's easier doing the self catering at home. No. Just no.

YANBU. Really really sensible idea for in-laws to stay at the Airbnb near you instead of you packing up the whole family to visit them.

And you mention a UK coastal break. Nothing more depressing than an English seaside town.

I haven't been on holiday or gone anywhere since 2017 - it's great!

Can you not invite the family down to stay at yours with your kids and you and DH have a few nights away? You get a rest and he gets a holiday? Even a short flight to Spain for some sun?

Surely they owe you that much?

I dont think 2.5 hours is that bad. You haven't said how old his family are and if you see them any other time?

I think that your DH taking the older two to see his side of the family over Easter weekend and you staying home with your youngest is a good idea. Just try it and see what happens, you may find that not everyone going together is far less stressful.

We’ve holidayed separately at various times due to cost and annual leave constraints. For example, DH has taken both DD and DS on separate holidays to destinations that I’m not too bothered about, but they wanted to visit. I stayed at home with the other child and our dog!
I also took just DD to see my Dad last year and she really enjoyed that trip with just me.

It sounds as if you need to rethink your holiday ideas so that everyone has a good time. Everyone always going together isn’t always the best strategy, especially as they get older.

I think for families that have a child who requires two adults to manage them (or even one if a single parent), it's a good idea to start accessing respite services from a young age to get the child used to short breaks away but also so the family has backup for emergencies. I used to work in this area years ago and it's awfully hard on everyone when a child needs to be put in respite suddenly for the first time because of an emergency.

Anyway, the point of that is (if you haven't already) look into planned respite for your youngest because that would be helpful to you at times like this. Your youngest could be getting a break somewhere, your husband could take the others to visit his family, and you could be lying in bed relaxing.

YANBU

I'm a homebody and can go for years without going on holiday. Last one was November 2019, within the UK.

My husband loves to travel, I've no problem with him going himself (which he enjoys), so he's off to Germany in June.

Why is your husband surprised that nothing is booked for Easter? It's his family, why didn't he book it himself? There's nothing stopping him going alone, or with the eldest two at least, although, that's shit of him to leave you alone with 6yrs old with SEN, when presumably there would be at least two adults, possibly three when he visits his family, but that's men for you...

Take a break this year, and if he wants to travel, he can book it himself and go alone. Then perhaps you also take a solo trip too, to recharge.

I'm really surprised at some of the responses - I didn't realise so many people view holidays as an essential. As a PP mentioned, I think my family had about four holidays in total during my entire childhood - I never felt deprived!

DH and I do usually go on holiday twice a year (mostly in the UK), but sometimes we just book the time off work and then do lots of day trips, exploring things in our local area which we often take for granted or overlook. I love it, we get to spend quality time together seeing and doing new and interesting things, but come back every night to the comfort of our own home, with none of the stress and hassle of holiday planning, packing, getting the cat to the cattery etc.

In all honesty I probably prefer it these days to going away. Interestingly I'm also perimenopausal and I do think it's a factor as I generally feel more anxious, more easily stressed, and find it harder to plan and feel motivated about things, so holidays feel like a bit of a chore these days (although I do usually enjoy them when we get there).

Your holidays sound exhausting. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all to want to give it a rest for a while.

Is anyone else like me?
I take a relaxing 2-3 hours to pack for holiday.
Then I take a very relaxing 2-3 months to un-pack when we get home.

A couple of years ago, I was totally burnt out, and could not face our usual 2 week holiday in uk, which is about a 500 mile drive. As we have got older, we have broken it into a 2 day drive.
Our child has additional needs and needs constant entertainment and movement. Honestly my work is a rest from parenting.
We have always gone as a family but that year DH took DC on their own. It was hard for DH but I was so grateful for the break. I chilled at home and recharged.

We now holiday closer to home and for one week only.

i loved holidays as a couple but holidays as a parent for me are just a hard physical slog. I have significant health issues impacting mobility and energy levels which have drained the joy from much of life.

Do what you need to do to make ,Iife bearable. I love my child and spend much of my life doing everything I can to make them happy, but the relentlessness of a 2 week holiday is too much for me now.

Could the older 2 DC do something like PGL in the summer?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5033232-things-you-simply-cannot-be-arsed-with-anymore

hey, don’t know if you have seen this thread recently. It isn’t exactly what you are talking about, but it is full of mid-40s women and things they just CBA with anymore. And I think it’s because after years of putting everyone else first something just gives. I am 47 with 3 kids and am increasingly reducing the things I put effort into. All the people on here calling you selfish etc. surely a year without a holiday will do zero harm to anyone. Let people come to you. Let people prioritize you. You aren’t suggesting not feeding anyone for a year. I have heard some people don’t even go on one holiday a year and survive!!! Shocking 😜

Why ? OP does it every year what about what she and the kids would like .

OP stay at home enjoy your Gardena bd kids . The family know where you live .

Yabu because visiting family isn't a holiday, it's family.

Why does this only apply to OP travelling every single year to see that family? Why can't they come see her?

Family life is busy. I have no patience for family (especially retired type family in my case) who want everything to revolve around them. OP is well within her right to say - 'nope this doesn't work for me' and put it back in other people's court to accommodate her needs.

YANBU OP. You sound tired and in need of a break. Sometimes you have to put yourself first. It's okay to spend your Easter doing something you would like to do.

YANBU as long as if he wants to take the dc you let him do so.

Maybe the OP wants to stay home and spend time with her children. It is also her life and her family - she should get to do it her way sometimes.

Why can’t they take it turns and his family visit sometimes as well?

Time at home is never what you think it will be. And more of the same can be exhausting. What you haven't book you need to book is time alone for yourself. Even when you are on holiday you need days off too. Do you do the cooking on holiday ? You are not on holiday. Change of scenery is not what you need. Just saying.