To refuse to go on any holidays this year ?

[Sunnydaysathome]

Every year for the last 6 years we have done 3 breaks a year one abroad in summer , and 2 UK breaks (one coastal and one to see dh family Easter and then may half term)

I hate it. It’s never relaxing. The dc get travel sick, I hate organising and packing etc. I don’t like dh’s family’s dogs and cats. The last 2 years I haven’t been happy about it but dh took over the organising hit when away it’s still the same I don’t feel like I’m having a break it’s just non stop .

I told dh last year that this year I wasn’t going anywhere. I reiterated this multiple times . He’s now annoyed that nothing is booked for Easter.
There are plenty of things dc can do for days out. Or he can take them if he wanted but it’s hard as one has SEN so in reality it needs both of us there.

I told him his family can get an air bnb near us and visit us rather than us driving hours

Surely sometimes people take a year off from holidays ?? I just can’t face it this year.

We meet in the middle.
No one does a really long drive as it's halved. Feels more like a real holiday if I'm not at home and not staying with family. Is this an option?

It's very odd that so many posters scream selfish at the OP when she has a child with SN.

Have they actually read the posts?

I think if you have a child with SEN a holiday is not the same as often the SN child struggles with change of routine which can make things hard for the whole family. For that reason YANBU. What do your older children say? Would they feel like they are missing out?

I would also say that holidays are not essential. They are desirable for most people but not everyone loves the build up, travel anxiety plus of course the cost involved. I think a compromise of one trip away for something which will suit everyone would be good and PIL visit you for a change.

I feel that way about Christmas tbh.

When all of the organisation and preparation falls to you, I get why what is a nice holiday for others no longer is for you. Some people find all of that really stressful and exhausting. When my (autistic) children were little, we had limited funds for holidays, if we had them at all, and always ended up self-catering (food allergies an issue too), so I never felt I got a break and often felt more tired going home than I was at the start of the so-called break, as I had all the usual domestic tasks I had at home plus rushing around doing 'fun stuff' with the children as well.

As others have said, I absolutely would not classify family visits as holidays. I have 2 suggestions to potentially ease the burden on you, OP.
Firstly, ask parents in law to come to you. Explain to your husband that you are burned out and cannot keep making all of the effort, there needs to be some give and take. It is harder to keep smaller children entertained and content away from home; you have the added challenge of your 6 year old having SEN. That is hard work. He will be happier at home where he has his own things to keep him busy and in his routine.
Secondly, are there residential respite opportunities for your youngest available to you? Even of you don't use them for this time, perhaps using them at other times would give the the break you so obviously need. Your husband could take the older 2 and you could have a rest. It may be that your in laws don't understand how much it takes out of you to always go to them, with the added challenges of 2-1 care needs, and your son being in respite when you visit might mean they kick off about not seeing him. That might make it clear to them just how hard it is having a young SEN child, however, and they might then see visiting you as the lesser issue.

Personally, I'd ignore all of the 'I love holidays, so you must too' posts. I suspect that those posters haven't taken the relentless task of caring for an SEN child into consideration. It's not anything like normal childcare. For your own wellbeing, and so that you can continue in your caring role, it's so important that you get regular breaks.

Just want to point out to everyone talking about the drive. I drive an hour and a half for work 2 days a week, so roughly 3 a day with no road issues, but there are always road issues XD and I can tell you I am absolutely fine till it hits the 2 hour mark. Anything passed 2 hours and I’m hating life. I also very rarely stop because stopping makes me hate it more so 2 and a half hours- 3 with kids and needing to stop every half an hour is a longggg time 😅

"A year off from holidays" sums it up.

I'm so with you on this! I haven't been away for yonks and love it! The awful travel no matter by road or air. Too many people all squashed together. Then you know in a few days time you have to do it all over again. Yuk. . Yes, you are right about the same activities wherever you go. All the shops are the same. No, don't go. Let them visit you.

This is definitely relevant. I used to love travel, but once perimenopause came along I couldn't deal with any stress at all. I really wanted someone else to do all the planning and organising, but no one else would, so we stayed home.

Hot chocolate book dates worked well with my then teen and I plan to implement it with my 10 year old too.

We have holidays but sometimes just me and the 10 year old. It's exhausting but we have fun but also there's lots to do locally and you can totally be a tourist and enjoy local attractions too.

You've hit mental overload. It's very underrated how tiring it is remembering everything, plans, etc. I'd tell your husband this, and maybe go on an overnight spa trip by yourself or with a non stressful friend or family member. We need to nurture our mental load as well as physical.

My first though was sounds like you need a holiday on your own. Ie a relaxing break where you can not have responsibilities for other people. And also for yourself.

Maybe you can send the kids on a summer camp so you can get some peace. Or your partner can take them to your inlaws. Or both!

You need to look after your wellbeing. If you feel burnt out, listen to it. Theres a reason why you feel like you do and dreadings. Its just as fair that everyone tries to care about you this year as much as you have cared about them.

No! I totally get this. It’s not compulsory to go on holiday 🤣. When you don’t go on holiday you can all wake up in the morning with a complete day with no commitments ahead of you and just mess about in the garden and house or go out to a museum or restaurant if you feel like like it. Play games listen to music and chat and potter about. Delightful!!

You could agree on just one holiday this year and DH go and visit his family or they you. It's not impossible for them all to arrange to visit where you live surely, just not as convenient. I love going on holiday but it's also nice to just chill out at home so hope you can reach a compromise xx

All the planning is what she doesn't want to do. My husband works FT and I PT. We both love staycations, nothing like your own bed!

Sorry I’m coming late to this post - OP, I do wonder if you are depressed? You have such a lot going on all the time, then menopause and all the holiday (or not) stuff on top of that. You said yourself you feel you are heading for burnout - would you consider having a talk with your GP about how you are feeling? 💐

Theyve had family holidays and will again

How's that going to work when one child has sen that means they need 2 parents to look after them, not many summer camp will take children with sen

My DP hates holidays, so I started going away with the kids without him. There's no point paying for him if he moans. I'm much more into short breaks, the kids like that as we can go somewhere nice last minute and just extend it a bit.

That’s exactly what we do and we don’t miss his moaning so we love it