To refuse to go on any holidays this year ?

[Sunnydaysathome]

Every year for the last 6 years we have done 3 breaks a year one abroad in summer , and 2 UK breaks (one coastal and one to see dh family Easter and then may half term)

I hate it. It’s never relaxing. The dc get travel sick, I hate organising and packing etc. I don’t like dh’s family’s dogs and cats. The last 2 years I haven’t been happy about it but dh took over the organising hit when away it’s still the same I don’t feel like I’m having a break it’s just non stop .

I told dh last year that this year I wasn’t going anywhere. I reiterated this multiple times . He’s now annoyed that nothing is booked for Easter.
There are plenty of things dc can do for days out. Or he can take them if he wanted but it’s hard as one has SEN so in reality it needs both of us there.

I told him his family can get an air bnb near us and visit us rather than us driving hours

Surely sometimes people take a year off from holidays ?? I just can’t face it this year.

Holidays are over rated stay cations or just chilling are waaaaaay better

There is no reason why dh family should be expecting you to come to them alll of the time. It’s fair that they should come to you. At least every other year.

I stopped enjoying holiday’s when was peri menopausal which coincided with the kids getting to an age where they didn’t appreciate much of anything.

as a result I am cutting back to just one a year as opposed to lots of camping weekends or mini breaks.

I do think your dh could take the kids to see his family.

I was struck by you saying you didn’t have any friends.

i think you may have a wider issue going on.

No, because we need to use the clothes packed!

YANBU, if you don’t enjoy them, don’t go. Have a year off going abroad and the UK holiday. I would say it’s important to visit family, but do like the suggestion of them coming to you. I would push for that, the family may enjoy the break too.
when you visit family, where do you stay? Could you look at an alternative to make it easier for you?

TAKE THE YEAR OFF.

Holidays are not a human right; your kids and your husband will survive a year without going away. Here’s your evidence: I never went on holiday as a kid and I’m still here, and so are the many other kids who never or rarely went away.

You have already done it many times without enjoying it. You’ve compromised on your feelings and sacrificed your comfort for your family. Taking a year off is not a big deal.

Ignore the people saying you’re being unreasonable. Your needs are also important and there have been lots of suggestions (often that you put forward and were repeated back to you) to have a nice time this year that don’t involve going away. And next year, demand that your husband does an equal amount of planning and organising.

Before anyone comes at me for being a joyless cow: I love holidays and go away whenever I can. I do wish I’d been on holidays as a kid. Taking a year off still won’t hurt the kids. If you can think of fun things to do to occupy them away from home, you can think of alternatives at home or on days out.

Take the year off. You might actually enjoy it more next year.

If you are the one that organises the holidays you are well within your rights to have a break for a year. A year without a holiday won’t kill anyone and if your husband is desperate to go away he can take control and do all the organising and packing etc.

I have always loved holidays and my kids travel well and enjoy it too. But the older DH and I get, and the nicer we’ve made our home, and the more expensive holidays become, the more we feel that it often isn’t worth it.

This year we are going on a cruise because it’s around the med in August so we should be guaranteed good weather, it sails from near where we live so no travel and there will be loads for the kids to do so we will get a break.

Your are absolutely 💯 not being unreasonable.

You are entitled to a break and clearly your existing holidays are not that.

My suggestion (FWIW): reduce the number of hols and spend the extra cash on getting a cook to come with you. Honestly, it changes everything.

I say this, if I’m going in a caravan it’s just cooking / cleaning / parenting in another location. I would rather save up and go to an all inclusive hotel so I don’t have the mental load of what is everyone eating all the time.

Atleast at home the kids are settled, you have your bed rather than a random hotel in the uk. I am with you OP.

I would tell DH to take the 6 year old to visit his family, he will have help when he gets there.

You sound burnt out.

I don't enjoy holidays either and would much rather stay at home and do days out.
My dream would be for dh to take the kids so they don't miss out and I stay at home. We can only afford really crap holidays though so that might be why!

Why doesn't DH book something last minute for Easter and takes the DC and pets away? That way, he gets his holiday and you get a break, which might mean you feel more amenable to doing something later in the year.

If your 6 year old DS has SEN and by the sound of it quite serious then you should be able to access overnight holiday club for those with SEN. They can be a charity or council run. A couple of nights would allow the rest of you to visit relatives. As for holiday, look for something that has good kids club so you can have some time on your own (or just with DH) while away. That's what we and other families I know with SEN kids did.

Its absolutely fine to skip holidays for a year but it won’t fix the underlying issue that you don’t enjoy the type of holidays you currently go on. Visiting family can be a holiday but it depends what you do when you get there, if it’s just full of chores in a different location than home then no that’s not a holiday. Your kids aren’t going to suddenly recover from car sickness next year so stop doing long car journeys! DH family will need to visit you from now on or you meet up for a joint holiday close to you.

Design the holiday you want to make it as relaxing as possible (within reason with kids). DH should be doing 50% of the planning and packing and your older kids should be able to pack/unpack by themselves now.

If we fly we only do 30 min transfer either side. I choose a hotel where we will be catered for and really enjoy not cooking or cleaning AT ALL for a week. We don’t fill the holiday with activities outside of the hotel just enjoy the beach, walks around local town, ice creams, cinema on the beach, hotel spa etc. Take it in turns with DH to enjoy an hour a day to yourself in spa/lying by the pool. There’s not many UK breaks that offer this total break with good weather, I personally CBA going camping/to a lodge etc it’s just too much work and not a break from chores. But a couple of nights away to a country hotel with activities for kids and spa for me sounds good.

Can you book an Air BnB near your in-laws? So you still visit but get space from them?
Or you all meet somewhere half way so the car journey is less and it feels more like a holiday?
Honestly you sound burnt out. Maybe you need a night or two away yourself doing something you like to recharge a bit?

@TheDenimQuail well put, though time off work is quite rightly one. Though most people don't view it like you or I.

I feel one of the more effective non-custodial sentences that would be a deterrent would be passport withdrawal, given many people view a week or fortnight sitting in the sun as if a human right.

Could you take the train to the in laws? I much prefer this, the kids can stretch their legs and hopefully no travel sickness.
Then get accommodation nearby so you get some space. You could even get a day off mid-break and have a day to yourself.

I feel the same. I used to love family holidays but the organising of them always falls to me which I find really stressful and then people moan once there. I’m be really happy to skip this year but DH has had a horrible year and really needs a break so no break this year 🙄

YANBU.

But, to switch it up. Send older kids by public transport to relatives a couple of days ahead. Gives them some independence. Gives you, DP and younger child some space.

You can follow by car later?

This year I am CHOOSING not to go on holiday.

Fixed it for you.

OP you sound utterly worn out. Put yourself first and just take it one break at a time, instead of making a dramatic announcement that you're not going anywhere for a year.

Ie, just say you're not up to going away this Easter. If your DH wants to visit family that's up to him, but you are too worn out with life right now.

Repeat with other holidays as and when necessary.

Some people enjoy holidays absolutely fantastic for them. For several years holidays were absolutely awful for us with no-one in the family enjoying them - due to too many conflicting needs. Maybe if I had renamed them a "learning experience" it might have been acceptable but holiday it was not so we stopped doing them for a few years. We did try again last year and actually it was OK because everyone was now of an age that they could do as little or as much as they wanted. A holiday is only a holiday if it is at least part enjoyable in my opinion.

Refuse to go anywhere this year. Your DH isn't your boss he can't make you. State clearly you are staying home this year as a done deal and do it.
Trouble is women just fume. They don't tell their menfolk cleary what they are or are not prepared to do and carry it out.

DH’s family can take it in turns to visit you . It s their turn if you have done all the driving for years. Doesn’t have to be all at once and they only need to stay 1 -2 nights. Can stay in the Air BnB.

the journey sounds like hell for you. YANBU

OP, you sound as though you desperately need a break (burnout). It's the right call to look at how you can simplify life and cut down on the things that are too much to cope with right now.