To refuse to go on any holidays this year ?

[Sunnydaysathome]

Every year for the last 6 years we have done 3 breaks a year one abroad in summer , and 2 UK breaks (one coastal and one to see dh family Easter and then may half term)

I hate it. It’s never relaxing. The dc get travel sick, I hate organising and packing etc. I don’t like dh’s family’s dogs and cats. The last 2 years I haven’t been happy about it but dh took over the organising hit when away it’s still the same I don’t feel like I’m having a break it’s just non stop .

I told dh last year that this year I wasn’t going anywhere. I reiterated this multiple times . He’s now annoyed that nothing is booked for Easter.
There are plenty of things dc can do for days out. Or he can take them if he wanted but it’s hard as one has SEN so in reality it needs both of us there.

I told him his family can get an air bnb near us and visit us rather than us driving hours

Surely sometimes people take a year off from holidays ?? I just can’t face it this year.

Totally agree with the op.

Staying home is great

I absolutely love holidays, they're the only time I get a break, but if you're not getting a break I can understand.

My holidays all include AI hotels where I don't have to lift a finger. We live 10 minutes from an airport so the only real travel is the flight, and I always book somewhere with a short transfer at the other end now. Holidays should be relaxing, the very reason I no longer go anywhere self catering, or where I have to clean. Sounds like you need to examine what you want from a holiday and change it up accordingly!

I echo this, its horribly stressful, I have two SEN, one who utterly hates travelling, and I gave up making him go, the other one is quite easy about travelling even though he does suffer motion sickness. I spend a whole trip away worrying about the trip home. I do have a partner who will pick up a lot of the load too though, and he helps out greatly.

I wonder if you might be beginning to suffer carer burnout, you need a break, some respite or at the very least to find some supportive fellow SEN parents to talk to and get support from.

I don't know why so many posters suggest OP stays at home with her youngest while dh takes the oldest (and easiest to look after) kids away. OP is knackered from having to do all the work and visiting her DH's family - I get why he wants to go but there's not much in it for the OP. Maybe he should take the youngest and let OP have the oldest at home, chilling like they want to and maybe she would find that a better break!

You should be able to stay at home with your family and make memories in your own space days out to local park’s museums movie nights etc barbecues picnics and maybe you could save up do some kind of all inclusive holidays with entertainment food options etc and then the only stress will be the travel to and from there . Another alternative is you definitely don’t need to bring pets on holidays they can go in a cattery /kennels as trying to organised 3 kids one with additional needs and pets thrown into the mix sounds like hell on earth and holidays should be just that a holiday x

On top of my message re all inclusives you could look for one that had spas etc that you can have a wee hour or two by yourself give you a break as well as we all need it

My kids are about the same age as your’s. If one child has SEN it’s likely one or both parents also have SEN which might be the root cause of this.
my in-laws make holidays very difficult as everything is on their terms (but I pay for it) and I have no privacy (even when we rent an air bnb they come and sleep on the sofa!!).
my husband will let me organise it all and then when we are there always check he’s comfortable before considering anyone else (and he often won’t consider anyone else).
I set my boundaries after a few disastrous holidays and it has worked.

The age of your older two you might not get many more chances, they’ll soon start refusing to come.

I think you'll regret it OP when your older DC are 18/19 & no longer want to go on holidays with you. You've only got a handful of years left to do big family holidays anyway. Things change so much when older teenagers go off to Uni/college/learn to drive/have serious relationships etc. Plus you've got some very expensive years ahead of you when you might not be able to afford so many holidays so now is a great time to book some really lovely ones that YOU also want to do. Plus yes, get yourself to your GP to discuss HRT options. I'm 48 & peri M too & I also find planning/booking & packing/travelling for holidays stressful (as we also have pets to sort out) but it's still worth it once we are there. Travelling to stay with inlaws is also NOT a holiday so don't expect it to be fun/relaxing -lower your expectations then hopefully you won't be as disappointed. Plus I used to drive 3 hrs to visit my family with my DC alone (from when they were babies) while my DH was working. I really don't see why you all have to go every time. & if your youngest is too much work for your DH alone then keep them at home & plan special trips for just the 2 of you.

Just suggesting in addition to the all-inclusive trips some people have mentioned the ones that offer kids clubs do often have options for SEN kids as well! I worked at Neilson holidays and they had great staff who were specially trained and there was a family with a non-verbal 16yo who came back regularly because of that! Your SEN child might not manage all day with them of course but even just a few hours a day would give you a good break and a chance to do something for yourself!

I was all for you op until I saw all your dhs family live near each other and the drive is 2.5-3 hours. That’s nothing. Travel sickness tablets, no technology and a sick bucket. It’s doable i feel like you just don’t want to and you should be honest and say that.

It’s not a one way road so I really don’t see why it matters for one year

When you have kids and especially one that has SEN you are still looking after them whether you are AI or not, so relaxing 100% is out of the question. You can't lay by the pool and enjoy the sun, because you have to either be in the pool with the children or sitting up watching etc.

I hear you OP! I am so over holidays. I know it’s a luxury problem but they’re hard work! Research, booking - everything from flights to taxis, packing, activities. Then coming home to a shit ton of laundry and jet lag. I have teenagers who behave like it’s a hardship anyway! I’m done. Maybe it’s just harder being a single parent … I bought this last year. So I can just hitch up and leave…

Holidays aren't essential. Breaks are. But holidays (as in travelling away from your home) are a luxury, not an essential. OP is right, if she finds travelling a chore and not relaxing, she's getting nothing she needs from them. I like days at home or days out close to home. I still feel refreshed and relaxed. Travelling with a small child is not relaxing. It's parenting somewhere else without the majority of mine or her comforts.

I crave travel, holidays and time like this with my children. My life is a world away from yours however and I would do anything to be able to take my children away-I won’t go into it but I am on my own with my kids through no fault of my own and financially struggling.

I do think that if you can’t appreciate it then don’t go but if you can find the fun and laughter in it and have some good memories from previous holidays then I would say time with your children is limited before they grow up so go and enjoy. Just change the holidays to make them more what you want-more chilled.

You've got a 6 yo who requires 2:1 care, I can't imagine anything is going to make a trip away from home feel like an actual relaxing, restful holiday.

If you feel you can manage DS alone at home, send him with the older kids to see his family or if they'll visit you, send him somewhere else the older kids will enjoy. Then next time, swap. Pick something the older ones will get engaged with and leave DS with Dad. Obviously when you're both home alone you can do as much or as little â you both want and make it special time

The number of people willing and able to to take on a 6yo who's level of care alongside his siblings is too much for his own father is likely to be minimal

I understand how your husband feels because working full time, I would resent using my holiday up for staycations. It just feels like a waste. I want a proper treat as a reward for all the hours I work. But you could compromise and have one bigger luxurious all inclusive holiday in the Summer or at Easter and then stay home in the other holidays. I do sympathise as I have a SEN DD and travelling with her can be very stressful but for me, the good outweighs the bad mostly once we get to our destination. Maybe forensically analyse all the pressure points and then try to plan a break that helps her enjoy it more. I have to book flights in the afternoon only to avoid tiredness and travel sickness as my DD is worse in the mornings and at night. Build in lots of rest time in the hotel in between activities. Make sure I am confident about everything and have it planned really well so I can tell what is happening all the time, etc.

I think the in laws in the next door b&b is the perfect compromise, and I don't think YABU at all. If you find holidays stressful (and I can see why) obviously you don't want to go. But..there's 4 other people to think of, so personally, I'd try and compromise there too. I'd pick the least worst out of the UK and abroad break, and say I'd do the one but not the other. Can't say fairer than that.

There's 5 people in your family what do the kids the 4 want?

You can’t understand her mindset because you love holidays - that’s fine, you don’t need to understand it. Empathy is what is required! The OP doesn’t enjoy the holidays her husband wants and they seem to always involve extended family. She might though, not feel up to any holiday. She says she’s perimenopausal and exhausted. That is harder for some women than for others. If you’d read her post properly, you’d see that she is happy for them to go without her 🤷‍♀️

Tbh Easter at the inlaws sounds crap. Now a week in Turkey or Maldives sounds much nicer. Get ya summer holiday booked

Unless people have an SEN child themselves I do not think they can understand the relentless pressure of caring for them - whether on a so-called "holiday" or not. I do not know what sort of SEN your child has but maybe respite would help - and when they are a little older there are organisations that do holidays for special children (which means you can have a holiday yourself!). Meanwhile maybe cut down the number of "holidays" and do whatever you can best manage - if that means in-laws coming to you I hope they can manage that.
Look after yourself so that you can continue to cope.

I’m with you … peri menopausal here .. the only holiday I want is going alone. Sitting by the pool, read a book and catch some sun and spend rest of summer in my garden .