To refuse to go on any holidays this year ?

[Sunnydaysathome]

Every year for the last 6 years we have done 3 breaks a year one abroad in summer , and 2 UK breaks (one coastal and one to see dh family Easter and then may half term)

I hate it. It’s never relaxing. The dc get travel sick, I hate organising and packing etc. I don’t like dh’s family’s dogs and cats. The last 2 years I haven’t been happy about it but dh took over the organising hit when away it’s still the same I don’t feel like I’m having a break it’s just non stop .

I told dh last year that this year I wasn’t going anywhere. I reiterated this multiple times . He’s now annoyed that nothing is booked for Easter.
There are plenty of things dc can do for days out. Or he can take them if he wanted but it’s hard as one has SEN so in reality it needs both of us there.

I told him his family can get an air bnb near us and visit us rather than us driving hours

Surely sometimes people take a year off from holidays ?? I just can’t face it this year.

I TOTALLY understand OP. It's so relaxing just staying put and having easygoing days. Definitely stick to your guns on this!

DH can take whichever DC with him to PIL. I'm amazed you've lasted this long tbh

It is with dc throwing up and 6 y o screaming ! Feels like 12 hours as we have to stop about 675 times 🤦‍♀️

I’m just a bit older than you and started having holiday anxiety about the same time, although I always enjoy it when I am there. You sound very tired to me and maybe your DH needs to be educated about perimenopause and the way it can make us feel. I have stopped going on the 9 hr trips to my PIL this year as I hate the journey but my DH can manage our DDs. I’m sorry it’s not as easy for you but I understand.

You are 100% within your rights and not being unreasonable at all. Sounds like you need a bit of TLC and relaxing time and you should absolutely prioritise that. Completely agree that they could come to you for a change

YANBU as long as if he wants to take the dc you let him do so.

It’s a bit sad that none of you get to see DH’s family. My DC would hate to have no holidays so I’d do it for them at least. I get bored staying at home for the whole of a school holiday though, so I’m glad to get away.

It time they came to you then.

I agree the DH family could come to you (visiting family is not a holiday IMO - unless they have a huge villa somewhere beautiful) but there’s no reason to deprive the whole family of their trip abroad. Would your older DC really be happy playing in your big garden and getting a paddling pool? I’d be concerned they would feel resentful towards youngest DC.

It really depends on whether it’s just you who doesn’t want to go away or the DC all agree too.

Also, older kids can sort their own packing and organising!

Oh and Dramamine worked like magic for DD’s travel puking.

What about a compromise. No no no to visiting relatives, that is not a holiday. Maybe one short holiday to somewhere like Centre Parcs. Saves all the faff involved in going abroad. Just some casual clothes travel light. Lots of activities to keep the children happy, and for you plenty of relaxing spa treatments so you can chill out.
I realise there is still the drive to get there, but a lot less hassle than organising and travelling abroad

Yanbu at all op.

It’s not a holiday for you and since you seem to spend your life facilitating other people’s enjoyment you deserve to do what you choose for once. Agree with pp’s that it might be nice to do some 1-1 stuff with the older two but that means dh stepping up. If he’s that keen for the kids to do something then it’s his only option. Have your nice relaxing summer at home and enjoy it.

Holidays are not 'essential'.
They are a modern construct of the last 100 years.

And charming to say the OPs holidays are shit - although I presume you're trying to be sympathetic?

I couldn’t imagine anything worse than being stuck at home for the duration of the summer holidays, particularly if we have another bad summer.

Completely up to you if you don’t want to go away but I’d give DH the option of taking the 2 older kids somewhere if it were me.

Asking the relatives to come to your air b n b sounds perfect. You've done the trip for the last 14 years?? Have they ever been to you?

Additionally could the grandparents invite the 14 and 12 year old to stay with them? They could travel by train so less chance of car sickness, or dh could take them one weekend and either he or you all could collect them a week later, give them an adventure and you a break . . .

We had a year Off holidays and it was lovely. We did some big days out, some simple days in and I totally relaxed it so nice!

Can you make a compromise like this?

You do a family visit, but take a day or two off for yourself and relax in your nice garden, visit a museum or something that interests you, have lunch somewhere nice?

I used to get two extra bank holidays because I worked in a different county (overseas) so I'd get up at normal work time and go to the local public spa for the day by myself. I loved it. 😂

I get you OP. I am the same. I am 58, and have actually always disliked holidays, even as a child. We used to do two days of driving to get to Italy, and stay for a month. Great when you get there, but it takes a week to wind down, a good week, or two, then another week of building stress as you know you have to drive back.

I never sleep or eat very well, I used to have serious panic attacks.

I am better now, and just about get through it but it is a chore for me, and the best bit about holidays is coming home.

We have generally only gone away once every two years for our married life, and that suits me fine. We go big and expensive, but then have a blissful year at home. My DC's are now older, so have extra holidays themselves.

I don't count family visits as holidays, but I never like the travel either, and generally don't sleep the night before, or during the stay. I am better at eating now though!

We had a lovely holiday at home one year, behaved as tourists in our own town. Had day trips to local spots, ate out for lunch and dinner every day, went to the cinema. I can highly recommend!

Holidays are expensive and a huge energy drain. If you don't enjoy them, don't do them.

We haven't been abroad since pre covid. We're only going abroad this year because Scotland have qualified for the Euros 😁🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

DS is a homebody, so am I to be honest so holidays just feel a bit pointless.

Be careful what you wish for.

You do all the organising, packing, your husband is annoyed that nothing is booked, refuses to do separate holidays and refuses to parent alone.
He sounds like a burden.

2.5 hour drive? Give the teenagers medicine/the front seat and remove phones etc.

YABU

You sound quite exhausted which is understandable since you are peri and have a 6 year old with additional needs. Given the pig age difference I think you definitely should start doing separate holidays. So the 12 and 14 year old does something with one of you and the 6 year old something else with the other parent. If the 6 year old gets easily overwhelmed then maybe dh and the two oldest ones go to in-laws this Easter and you and 6 year old stay at home. Then you can take the 6 year old somewhere in the May holiday instead or if you really can't face it and your dh wants to go away he can take the 6 year old somewhere. He can't dictate that you all go and see his family, it's not his decision to make.

I do love holidays but I come home feeling like I need another one and last year after having 3 holidays I was totally worn out!
I have 3 with sen and its challenging, esp the youngest as he hates the car.
And hates being away, we try and make it the best we can and there is momments where it is enjoyable.

I think in your situation is to ditch going to see his family (bout time they came to you really) maybe do a compromise every other year.

And then all sit down and decide one holiday where you can try and make everyone happy.
Tell the older children and your husband that if they want to go away things need to change and that they all need to help with packing etc.
Look up on good anti sickness meds, and plan plan plan as much as you can.

Also when you get back ask for a night away yourself so you can distress.