To refuse to go on any holidays this year ?

[Sunnydaysathome]

Every year for the last 6 years we have done 3 breaks a year one abroad in summer , and 2 UK breaks (one coastal and one to see dh family Easter and then may half term)

I hate it. It’s never relaxing. The dc get travel sick, I hate organising and packing etc. I don’t like dh’s family’s dogs and cats. The last 2 years I haven’t been happy about it but dh took over the organising hit when away it’s still the same I don’t feel like I’m having a break it’s just non stop .

I told dh last year that this year I wasn’t going anywhere. I reiterated this multiple times . He’s now annoyed that nothing is booked for Easter.
There are plenty of things dc can do for days out. Or he can take them if he wanted but it’s hard as one has SEN so in reality it needs both of us there.

I told him his family can get an air bnb near us and visit us rather than us driving hours

Surely sometimes people take a year off from holidays ?? I just can’t face it this year.

Surely it isn’t the end of the world not to go to the in-laws for once, and your husband gets the message that something has to change. I think you have listened to your needs for once, which sometimes has to be done even against others’ wishes. Now you’ll hopefully have headspace to think of how to make your future holidays more enjoyable.

we have taken all ours separately over the years for weekends….eg I took my DD to Amsterdam when she was 14 for a trip together..my DP has taken DSs for sports trips ( eg to Wembley and Grand Prix) at various ages….. and I’ve taken all 3 of them ( on their own ) to London ….or to concerts, when they were younger …..would this be something you could do?

I'm completely with you on this. There are often many, underrated things to do within someone's hometown without needing to go away and I often find there's an unspoken societal pressure to have a holiday/s booked each year.
Absolutely nothing against people who love a yearly holiday; I understand why and it is something to look forward to as well........but.......personally I struggle, as I find them expensive, stressful (especially when going abroad), and far less relaxing than they should be. It's almost like you need a holiday after the holiday sometimes.
I know it's more for the kids and feel this immense guilt on a year we don't go away, but in the grand scheme of things, not having an annual holiday, won't hurt. Special memories can be made in so many ways; sometimes a simple picnic at the park, or a hot chocolate and reading a book

That’s a good idea I think it would be more manageable. Dh likes everyone to go altogether but that makes it so much harder

Agree with pp - what about separate holidays?
dd and I have been on trips together - had a great time. However, sometimes she wanted to stay at home and I took ds.

Thing is she’s got 2 who are 12 and 14 ..,.a picnic in the park and a hot chocolate are not going to be a ‘special memory’

Do your DC enjoy the holidays?

Those were just examples. Each to their own anyway, mine are 11 and 14, and some of our best times and chats, were at the most unexpected times. E.g. not when I’d made too many plans 😊

While I love holidays, and planning them, I understand your point of view.
There are a lot of expectations, especially on mothers, to organize, pack, find accommodation and entertainment for the whole gang. And over the years families have gone from having one domestic vacation to having several long-distance ones. It's very expensive as well.

Your older children are of an age to be included in the planning process. Ask them if they would be ok with staying home, or if they would be ok with going away with dad while you stay home with younger child. If your husband and older children love holidays away, then you should take their wishes and try to accommodate, and this should be reciprocated for you and youngest.

Why in hell should OP go on the most unrelaxing if the holidays that they hate the most just to appease?

Did you read what was said?

I hate it. It’s never relaxing. The dc get travel sick, I hate organising and packing etc. I don’t like dh’s family’s dogs and cats. The last 2 years I haven’t been happy about it but dh took over the organising hit when away it’s still the same I don’t feel like I’m having a break it’s just non stop .

If anything OP I'd say stuff it and stay home, enjoy the garden, enjoy the time. Let them come to you for once.

Have the PIL ever been to your place to see dcs? I dont see why they cant travel to you for one year

PIL , Dh aunt and his brothers and their families all live very close to each other literally 2 streets apart (but it’s a 2.5/3 hr drive from us) so it’s just always been that we go to them

I would book a 5* all inclusive somewhere warm and just spend it on the beach. The older ones can do their own thing

Well aren't you the joy-ducker?! I think YABU. Dump 1 or 2 hols, not all 3. My teens would be gutted if I refused to go away, they love it, even a couple of days in a caravan. If they really don't mind then that's OK, just let your dh pick one holiday and do one for him.

Also get some HRT. Your post screams of it being your issue and not circumstance.

I understand OP and don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

This is probably not a popular opinion but I don't really understand where the expectation of holidays every year has come from.

I'm not that old (under 50), but when I was growing up we didn't go on holiday every year and neither did most of my friends. I think we probably had 4 or 5 holidays as a family during my whole childhood (mix of UK and abroad). My parents ran their own business and were working most of the time. I grew up seeing holidays as a luxury and not an essential or a right, as some people seem to see it nowadays.

I was lucky enough to go on a few school trips abroad and that would probably have been my holiday that year. Simpler times I guess, when there wasn't so much pressure to spend money or have experiences.

I still don't see holidays as essential and to be honest I don't think that's a bad view point to pass on to my children. Otherwise they grow up expecting holidays every year and I don't think that is always a priority financially, or that it's good for the planet. Just creates a lot of pressure.

I don't feel like I missed out on anything, or have a poorer relationship with my family because we didn't go on holiday all the time.

I hope you manage to come to a compromise that everyone is happy with. Your holidays do not sound relaxing to me at all and I'm not at all surprised you want a year off.

Why doesn't he take them in his own?
Or take responsibility for organizing and packing?

I'm doing the exact same. We went abroad 8 times last year (completely my own doing - because a lot of trauma happened and I frankly needed to escape and make sure I was living). I really understand where you are coming from. Prices have gone mental for flights and hotels, eating out costs a bomb and frankly we have a lovely home and it's wasteful not to enjoy it. I'm doing the same as you this year OP,: we'll visit a few places on weekends or in the school holidays by car in the UK, but we won't be flying anywhere again for this year. It's such a relief not to be thinking about getting to and from the airport and the queues!

Is it the 6 year old’s needs which makes it particularly difficult? If so, I’d try to arrange something so that the older 2 can still get some kind of holiday as it’s not really fair on them.

I thought you said it was a long drive

You can’t help how you feel. I can’t imagine not going on holiday through choice. We go away 23 July and I’m already longing for the day we fly. 3dc seem to get on better when we’re away from home. That said, many families don’t go on holidays. Can you do a trip to Alton Towers or Thorpe park depending on where you live?

Tell them you're having a holiday at home, and all the usual things you do when you’re away, you’re doing from home. - zoos, museums , meals etc.

I'm with you op, I like DHs family and often have nice times but the PRESSURE holidays put on me is immense and he doesn't get much of it at all! Because I do it all!
If I have one more Christmas of watching DH get drunk with his siblings while I hold a baby I may smash something...

Let your husband take them away, leave the youngest at home with you if easier.
I think holidays are often overrated. I remember feeling frazzled when mine were younger, everywhere was so busy, so crowded and expensive.
I don't miss going away, l love being at home more. When I'm away I'm ready to come home after a few days. My kids are grown up now and do their own things, I'm on my own now so can happily please myself, at home.

Half the responses show they are not even reading the OP properly.

YANBU to say you need a year off. I totally understand why holidays are more trouble than they are worth for you with travel sick kids and a high needs 6yo.

I do think it would be a shame for the older 2 to lose out though, assuming they actually enjoy the trips that is!

I think that it's probably your perimenopause upping your anxiety. I think that you should discuss this with your DH just as you would any health issues. Splitting the children and him going away is the way to go this year.