Children with ASD / ADHD going to mainstream school.

[BabbaJoe]

What has been your experience of your ‘High-Functioning’ ASD / ADHD child going to mainstream secondary school? My DS is in Year 5 and very academically able. He is happy at his mainstream primary, but frankly he is hopeless socially. They struggle with social cues, have no friends, and act very silly and immature. Whilst he is accepted by his peers, he has no friends, and has been called weird / freak in the past 😔

We have been told that he will not qualify for an EHCP as he is very intelligent and ahead academically, and there are no real reasons to warrant it as he is quite happy at school.

My real concern is secondary school, as that’s when I hear time and time again that ASD / ADHD kids fall apart.

I have three options:

• Mainstream Secondary
• Private School
• Private School that specialises in students with high-functioning ASD.

We can afford the private options, but it will mean cutting back and financial sacrifices.

Those who have been in my position, what would you do, and how did your children cope in mainstream?

Secondary has been shit for most of the autistic teens I know.

The last option has worked best for friends of mine with ADHD/ASD schools. They tried all 3. Private school was the worst as they were fully unequipped. Mainstream was marginally better. Kid is driving in a private school that specializes (very small classes, lots of attention and tight friend circle).

To counter that, my son who sounds similar to yours except is academically average and was pretty unhappy at primary has absolutely loved secondary. He has friends, not as I understand them as he only really socialises with them at school and a bit on WhatsApp. But he's really, really happy and settled. He had a bit of a shaky start to year 7 but otherwise, it's been brilliant!

State special school for autism if you have one. Private would be my last option and wouldn't touch it with a bargepole tbh.

I have a ds who is very similar and is going to main steam high school in September. I am Dreading it but if he finds his tribe he should be ok. I’m a secondary teacher and I agree most of the time main stream high school for our sort of kids is usually a very difficult time. I fully intend to be ‘that parent’ in terms of ensuring ds has all the support around. Transition and communicating a lot with school.

There is no state special that would be suitable. DS wouldn’t be eligible for an EHCP, and he doesn’t have learning disabilities. There is a private school that specialises in neurodiverse children, but it is very expensive.

My child isn't high functioning and has always gone to a special school.,but in your shoes I would try and get him an EHCP parent's can request them ,which if successful.will not only get your son some support in school but might give you more options regarding which school.

Sorry just to add that he's in Yr 10 now. And has owned the weird label. He will cheerfully tell you that he's very weird and so are his friends. No bullying.

I have been in exactly your position and I’d go for the specialist secondary school.

Private specialist, but get your child involved and see what he makes of different schools and, whether he would be happy to go. There can be a wide range of needs that may not work with your kid.

I'm considering this too, though my child is a lot younger and has very complex needs. I was watching him play with "friends" today and they were so lovely and sweet with him. But I'm worried it won't last as they all grow up and I worry about bullying in secondary. It's hard enough for NT kids, can't imagine how hard it is for ND ones.

Not great for mine. Like yours, told during primary that they aren't suitable for an EHCP because they're "too clever".

He's in year 10 and it's been a long slog. He struggles socially, almost too old for his years so finds his peers irritating - doesn't tell them of course, but isn't interested in friendships with them.

Whose told you he wouldn't be eligible ?
EHCP,s are not just for learning disabilities .

l’d be very surprised if this was an option.
Even if such a thing exists in their area ( it doesn’t in mine) then a child with no EHCP or any real current concerns from his school is highly unlikely to be given a place in specialist provision.

Whatever you do you should apply for the ehcp. Just because your child is academically able does not mean they will not qualify for one - you can apply for one yourself and do not need the support of the school, there are so many misconceptions about ehcps. You may find that you need it as he gets older as once children with asd etc reach secondary age this is where they tend to struggle more as the gap widens socially and the nature of the academic work creeps up.

My son is 11 and has asd and is very academically able - way above age expectations in many subjects- he’s had an ehcp since 3 and has been in a specialist school for children with autism since he was 5.

My experience has been that some pupils with autism have coped and some have thrived in mainstream and one or two have struggled and eventually gone to specialist provision.

It wasn’t always straightforward and there were some tricky times, but the majority went through to the end of year 11, took GCSEs and went on to post 16 courses.

Plenty of flexibility, plenty of adjustments and some luck!

DD year 7, ASD and ADHD, at grammar school and so far managing well. Has found her tribe who accept her for who she is.

she came from a small private primary and seems to be doing well in the bigger school which I was a bit worried about, but there is a bigger pool of children for her to find friends from so it seems to have worked well so far

Dd went to mainstream but bespoke special provision. They wanted to send her to a unit with no track record of taking GCSE's or a levels so I fought for this hybrid option. Wasn't plain sailing but she got most a*'s. She had a desk in a walk in cupboard at the back of the school office, laptop and could leave classes and return to her bolt hole at will. Ladies in office gave her lots of mugs of tea and biscuits.

Can you get an EHCP if your child is academically ahead and has no real concerns at school though? He is happy, just crap socially. My worries are all to do with secondary school when of course, demands become much higher.

Absolutely awful op. Really regret not sending him to a special school who knows about autism. Huge mistake for me.

Oh and I second grammar if you have one as an alternative to specialist. They tend to have a lot of kids with your child's profile and are very used to what they call socially "quirky" kids who tend to have very intense academic interests.

What has been vital for mine at state secondary has been a quiet place he can escape to at break and lunchtimes to decompress. He doesn't have a social life but he's happy that way and is doing well academically. He gets on with his classmates well enough and tends to quietly fly under the radar so has been ok. We were warned by the dr that assessed him that he was going to have a terrible time at secondary school and would need huge amounts of support. Well he isn't like the other kids but the key thing was not expecting him to be. To others he may have 'failed' socially and be missing out on all sorts of things - but that's him and he's ok with it.

My eldest did much better at secondary. We aren't in the UK and this country has a system similar to the old grammar schools so he went to one of those. Friends who were more studious and less silly seemed to rub off on him which helped a lot. He's now in y10 equivalent and not getting the grades he should, but he's happy and doing ok. He doesn't want to use any medication and we're happy to let him make the choice.

I don't have any advice about school places, as my daughter is going to specialist school.

However, you can still apply for an EHCP assessment. It's not just academic ability that stops a disabled child accessing education. There are specialist EHCP only schools for academically able autistic children. My daughter is going to one, although she will be in the nurture group as she has learning difficulties. Those schools wouldn't exist if no academically able child needed the provision.

I would suggest the FB groups
Not Fine In school and Educational equality.

If school won't help you make an application, you can make a parental application. If the Local Authority says they won't assess, appeal. It's a delay tactic to save costs. 96% of parents win the appeal

Section 36(8) of the Children and Families Act 2014 states the two criteria for an EHCP needs assessment are:

1. Whether the child or young person has or may have special educational needs (“SEN”); and
2. whether they may need special educational provision to be made through an EHC plan.

If the answer to both of these is yes, the local authority have a duty to carry out an assessment. Lacking social and communication skills is very much something that can need significant extra provision.

Ipsea is a very helpful resource if it's something you want to consider https://www.ipsea.org.uk/asking-for-an-ehc-needs-assessment

I think it’s about finding the right setting for the individual child.

my son is in year 9, he has an ehcp which gives him full time 1-1 and goes to a very supportive mainstream secondary. So far it is working very well for him.

we considered specialist but actually none of the options locally could cater for his needs properly.

DD (Y6) is very bright and well behaved. Model student as far as teachers are concerned so very little support in her state primary.

Has ADHD which for her causes anxiety and bullying for being 'sensitive'.

She likes to stick to rules and loves to read so those things also mean she's a target.

She's going to a selective, all girls, independent school in September.

We chose it based on many factors but #1 being that the girls there seem like her. Nerdy, chatty, sweet.

Being a girls school they have a much better understanding of ADHD/ASD in females.

She's very excited to find new friends and start afresh. And we are too.