Children with ASD / ADHD going to mainstream school.

[BabbaJoe]

What has been your experience of your ‘High-Functioning’ ASD / ADHD child going to mainstream secondary school? My DS is in Year 5 and very academically able. He is happy at his mainstream primary, but frankly he is hopeless socially. They struggle with social cues, have no friends, and act very silly and immature. Whilst he is accepted by his peers, he has no friends, and has been called weird / freak in the past 😔

We have been told that he will not qualify for an EHCP as he is very intelligent and ahead academically, and there are no real reasons to warrant it as he is quite happy at school.

My real concern is secondary school, as that’s when I hear time and time again that ASD / ADHD kids fall apart.

I have three options:

• Mainstream Secondary
• Private School
• Private School that specialises in students with high-functioning ASD.

We can afford the private options, but it will mean cutting back and financial sacrifices.

Those who have been in my position, what would you do, and how did your children cope in mainstream?

He sounds like a good fit for grammar

I'm in the process of getting an EHCP for my very able year 6.

You have been given wrong information about EHCP. It's really common for that to happen. So many myths and so much penny pinching!

You can read the SEN Code 2014 yourself if you like. It's freely available online.

And come over to my EHCP support thread.

I think reasonable concerns. Of course you don’t have a crystal ball but teenagers can be awful. I am (mildly) autistic and my teen years were hell. It was like I had a target on my back saying ‘different’ even though I’m nice, funny, look conventionally nice, nothing untoward like i wasn’t different looking, still something radiated from me and everyone could tell I was always the outsider. It’s hard but OK when you find a tribe.

Personally things didn’t really get better until after I graduated and was able to find employment (in a numbers-based industry, lol) and meet loads of like-minded people 😂

Are you able to name the school? PM if you prefer

EHCP support thread no. 2 - www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_educational_needs/4989146-ehcp-support-thread-no-2

He will be a lamb to the slaughter at a state secondary. Don't do it.

Maybe not great advice if the OP lives in the majority of areas in England that do not have Grammars.

Comments like this don’t help. It’s not one size fits all and not all schools are the same either.

In my experience as a clinician who sees these children the last option is what I would say is best.

My son was completely miserable in state secondary - bullied and never fitted in. Didn’t leave the house at weekends.
Got a scholarship for private sixth form and it transformed him. Fabulous house master and kids not afraid of academic competition.

Now at Oxford, friends and, most importantly, lots of self confidence.

Grammar would have been great too, but none locally.

I work in a private school which has quite a lot of students who are high achieving but with ADHD/ASD - to be honest most private schools do now as diagnosis is so much more common.

I would say that things are difficult for them socially if they really want friends. If they are happy just doing their own thing they tend to thrive as the environment is naturally quite good for ASD kids (quiet lessons without poor behavior, calm corridors etc). A lot is also down to luck with who is in their year/form as well. And whether their behavior is perceived by their peers as "annoying".

The school does a lot to teach staff about teaching neurodiverse students and make accomodations (for example quiet space to eat at lunch is available, it's not labelled as being anything to do with ASD but that's really who it is there for) but there are some demands like e.g. quite high levels of homework which are more challenging for some students than others and wouldn't be waived for anyone.

He’s not eligible for an EHCP now but that might change when he’s older. My 13 year old adhd DS was ok in primary but secondary transition was very difficult for him and he now does have an EHCP. It comes down to how much it’s affecting their learning, it’s not intelligence level per se. The EHCP also has other goals, social and emotional etc.

Maybe if you read my previous post that would clarify it :)

You'd need evidence that be requires specialist provision. I'd stay clear from specialist private schools though. I say that from personal experience.

Can I add there’s a chance your ds may just be unlucky in the class he’s in? One of my sons had a class where literally everyone who came in was welcomed in, and another son has a class where there was a high proportion of not quite mean kids, but there were cliques, kids on their own etc. It all comes down to the people really in the end. (No help but best of luck x)

My experience:
Me, undiagnosed autistic, bullied mercilessly in state school, moved to private and it was ok but I never fitted in and there was some lower level bullying like exclusion from friendship groups etc which is hard in a small school

DD, diagnosed autistic, 14, state school, struggled in primary but school couldn't see it, secondary was disastrous she burned out and then got chronic fatigue, hasn't been to school for two years, might get two GCSEs if she's lucky. Life pretty ruined.

Ds, 9, awaiting assessment on very long waiting list (5 years) struggled at primary who again says they didn't really see it despite him literally melting down there. I removed him a year ago and home educate him.

I wouldn't put a ND child in any school given the opportunity to redo things. Schools are damaging for us.

My Ds is now in college and struggling - high functioning Asd/ adhd .

my regret is not referring for echp. They will still look at needs . Things that can help reduce sensory overload , breaks etc .

I would definitely explore all 3 decide which is best for your Ds .

my opinion of secondary is his good the Senco is varies . Senco of my Ds’s school left after a year . The replacement was 100% better . I even wrote to the head to tell him .

college have been crap don’t get him at all.

My DD has ASD and ADHD. She has never been academic but managed OK in Primary.

Year 7 and 8 of Secondary were impacted a lot by Covid lockdowns. She didn't do well with home learning despite me being at home and doing everything I could to support her.

Year 9 - all seemed to be going well but struggling academically. On track for maybe 3 or 4 GCSE passes.

She was masking so heavily at school and at home, I didn't see the warning signs at all. I regret not seeing how hard it was for her.

Year 10 - A ramp up in GCSE pressue, friendship issues, a change of Hesd and lots of changes at school and Boom. Absolute autistic burnout.

It's been terrifying and heartbreaking. As a parent I've never felt so helpless and out of my depth.

The law says she should be in school every day. The reality is that would probably kill her.

We are limping through Year 11. She is classed as persistently absent as her attendance is so low. There won't be any GCSE passes.

We now have an EHCP but it's too little too late. The school has provided absolutely nothing the EHCP says they should and I no longer have any strength left to battle them. We thankfully only have a few months of this nightmare left.

We are hoping for a fresh start in a new post 16 setting for September with a much slower pace of learning and a more relaxed atmosphere.

I think what's happened to us is probably fairly extreme but sadly ASD girls just collapsing at Secondary School seems to be very common but is largely unpublished. If you can afford it go for the private setting with as much ASD support as you can get. Do everything you can to avoid ASD burnout happening to your child.

There are no grammars here, unfortunately. It is mainstream, private or private specialist. Some of the private schools are known as accepting high numbers of SEN. The specialist school advertises itself as academic and students there do GCSEs but also has OT, SALT etc on site.

Even if my son got an EHCP now, I wouldn’t be able to name the private or specialist schools, as he has coped in mainstream up until now. The EHCP may help (force) staff to understand and accommodate him at mainstream secondary, but it’s more the other kids being horrible that I’m worried about.

DD is in y5 and we've been touring lots of mainstream privates. She is autistic with a PDA profile and many sensory issues and she really won't cope at these schools. The long days, the uniform (even with reasonable adjustments), the extra curriculars, the expectations. However many ND children will be fine. Not sure where she will end up.

Not diagnosed until 13, very academically able, issues with friendships at secondary and the lockdowns affected her ability to socialise and tolerate noise etc, leading to school refusal and severe mental illness in Yrs 10 and 11. She spent time in a hospital school in Yr 11 and we paid for private tutoring when she was well enough so she did well at GCSE. Now back in mainstream but it’s not easy in terms of sensory overwhelm and being triggered by other ND students in the Support Dept dept who sensory-seek and talk a lot, whereas she is very quiet and doesn’t like noise or lots of people. This is also a problem in my school - ND children often have very different and conflicting needs but are often all expected to coexist in a Support base in the same room.

Definitely don’t wait to set the ball rolling with an EHCP - they are also awarded to very academic children. I can tell you as a teacher and a parent that the emotional and sensory demands are hugely increased at secondary, compared to primary.

I had 3 autistic children at grammar. It is the worst place for autistic young people. They only care about grades and resilience and autistic children are already having to produce resilience in spades. It broke two of my children and one is still very ill. The local FE college was even worse. Utterly horrendous .Even though she was grammar educated my dd has an EHCP and got one very easily.

Oh god this is my future! So scared. Well I’ve been told absolutely no to private school but if you have one that actually supports ASD kids, fab! Have you looked around?

Had to home educate from year 7. The social aspects just eroded all confidence and is practically a recluse right now (very intelligent adult but cannot function in the world as it is).

@Newsenmum We haven’t looked round yet, but it has a very good reputation and has been established a long time. It is approximately £2,000 a month, so really not cheap. There are children there who have EHCPs, but I don’t think my son is likely to get one. At the moment there really isn’t the ‘need’, so I am not sure what grounds I’d even be applying on. It’s so difficult for our children 🙁