Children with ASD / ADHD going to mainstream school.

[BabbaJoe]

What has been your experience of your ‘High-Functioning’ ASD / ADHD child going to mainstream secondary school? My DS is in Year 5 and very academically able. He is happy at his mainstream primary, but frankly he is hopeless socially. They struggle with social cues, have no friends, and act very silly and immature. Whilst he is accepted by his peers, he has no friends, and has been called weird / freak in the past 😔

We have been told that he will not qualify for an EHCP as he is very intelligent and ahead academically, and there are no real reasons to warrant it as he is quite happy at school.

My real concern is secondary school, as that’s when I hear time and time again that ASD / ADHD kids fall apart.

I have three options:

• Mainstream Secondary
• Private School
• Private School that specialises in students with high-functioning ASD.

We can afford the private options, but it will mean cutting back and financial sacrifices.

Those who have been in my position, what would you do, and how did your children cope in mainstream?

There are different types of special schools though ,my son sounds similar to your son and attends a school for children with severe to profound learning disabilities
But there are special schools for children who are academically able and have autism and struggle in mainstream
They do tend to be private though and cost ££££,s so getting the LEA to.agree to fund wouldn't be easy.

@x2boys Yes, the specialist private school is for academically able children who have a variety of SEN needs, but all expected to achieve GCSEs. A lot of the children who attend are socially awkward, anxious etc.

I imagine a funded place would be difficult.

My sister went to a special needs school. She has autism. She did amazingly there and even got 4 a levels and went to uni. Was 100% the right decision for her to go there.

We were so fortunate there was provision for her to go there. Might not be the same these days.

In your situation I would absolutely go private.

Mainstream high schools tend to be less supportive of Sen he would potentially start to struggle

My very academic ds with ASD/ADHD has an EHCP and is thriving in a supportive mainstream. I applied for the EHCP, and fought the LA at every turn. I took them to 2 tribunals and won both. It doesn't matter how bright a child is if they can't access education and are mentally broken by it.

Don't take the ehcp thing on the chin. Your child is entitled to one no matter how academic he is. Schools will say any old shit to wriggle out of paying for one.

There’s a lot of policing terms on social media. I’m autistic and comfortable referring to myself as high functioning and my diagnosis is actually Asperger’s so I will continue to use that. Autism is a huge spectrum and I think sometimes it does help to give a general indication of where someone’s strengths and difficulties lie.

BabbaJoe.... if it's the place in Cardiff that I think it could be... my DS goes there so feel free to send me a message

@BabbaJoe people will give anecdotal accounts. And yes some children like your dc will get a ehcp, but usually after hard stressful fight, which may end up at tribunal. Ehcp's are needs led not diagnosis. Having a diagnosis is one thing but there has to be sufficient evidence of the functional impact of these diagnoses on learning, social skills, life skills, communication etc.

You're in a great position both in terms of time and resources. I'm sure you'll find the right school for your dc.

@Didiplanthis
It doesn't matter how bright a child is if they can't access education and are mentally broken by it.
^ I'm sorry you've had a struggle but op isn't saying the above about her child.

My son sounds very similar to your own DC. I fought for an EHCP and got it despite his very high academic abilities. Socially he was completely out of his depth by yr 4, Covid hit and he never went back to mainstream. Best decision I ever made. Now yr 8 and in a private specialist provision and taking 3 higher level GCSE's this year as he's just flying. The school have been amazing, his learning ability would just have been lost in mainstream and held back from reaching his full potential. I just knew he wouldn't fair too well and the 'divide' really is glaringly obvious the older they get. Some rub along and cope - some become school refusers and sadly some become targets for constant bullying. Personally I'd be fighting for the ehcp as it's not just about education 'health and care' are also just as important. You know your child best, you do what's right for you.

Your son reminds me of a child at my school (I retired last summer from the SENCo role) who had an ASD diagnosis. He was academically very able and was mostly very settled and happy at primary school. He did have some sensory needs and sometimes struggled socially but we managed to support him without an EHCP.

However, I was concerned that he would find the transition to KS3 challenging. Parents shared my concerns as did our LA Inclusion Support Service. So we went through the EHCP assessment process for him and it was successful.
His mum has been in touch with me since to tell me how well he's doing in Yr 7 and that his EHCP has been instrumental in this.
Could be worth exploring?

I am going to apply for the EHCP, I have nothing to lose and it may well help DS with whichever secondary school we choose. Thanks everyone.

I've not rtft so apologies if I'm missing anything or repeating others but here is my experience. My DS was pretty happy in primary, they looked after him well, but I knew he wasn't really achieving what he could and definitely had many social/emotional needs etc. Like you I was told he would not get an EHCP due to being so far ahead academically, like you I knew full well he'd need it for the transition.

Long story short, we got one in place by the end of year 6, he's now at a grammar school and thriving. The 1st week or so was horrendous, sensory overload, the change, everything about it. He would come home and be unable to speak for 2 hours. But the school knew about him, they looked out for him, they communicated with me, and things got easier. The SENCO there has been amazing so far and all the teachers really seem to 'get' him. He's made friends. He got on a stage for the 1st time since year 2.

Is it all plain sailing? Of course not, he is exhausted, some kids pick on him and he melts down at home. BUT these situations have been minimal, and dealt with well and overall he is happy and thriving. I do believe that EHCP was the thing that made the difference though, as they were looking out for him from the start. Do apply if you can, and appeal if they refuse to assess. Good luck!

Sorry I meant to say that this child went to a mainstream secondary which had an ASD Focus Provision.

Fair enough @BabbaJoe, my apologies if I got the wrong impression. It's just that you were so wedded to the idea that you would not get an ehcp for your son when, plainly, I see academically able autistic people with ehcp's every day of my working life. I have a very bright son of my own, who has been very successful academically, with an ehcp. I have found a bewildering number of ill-informed primary school staff, however, that told me I could never get a 1:1 LSA, wouldn't get the help I needed for my son. They were all wrong. My doctor originally told me that because my son wasn't tearing up his office then he couldn't have ASD. He was so wrong. There are lots of people out there who think they know more than they do, I've battled them at every turn. And I'm bloody glad I did.

Yes I know they exist but there’s nothing like that near to me. Getting the LA to find is a nightmare. We had to fight a cease to maintain at 19 so my son could go to a specialist independent residential college. The LA said he could be supported in adult social care and it wasn’t a good use of public funds! It was 8 months of hell. Legal fees and professional reports were tens of thousands. The LA could not win, didn’t really try to fight it, ignored all the tribunal directions, submitted no evidence (they had none) and conceded when they had no choice because the tribunal would have chucked it out. It was the most awful time ever . Worth the fight for how well he did there but emotionally and financially it nearly finished us.

My experience? It was a nightmare. Years of misery and bullying. I would have given an arm to go to a private school specialising in ASD without learning disabilities.

The EHCP process may not be complete by secondary submission date although the specialist place process sits outside of that.

Existing EHCPs for Year 5 should be reviewed in Summer term with a view to naming the secondary provision and so request for places start to be considered/allocated from now on.

If it comes through by March (and it should) it may help with mainstream secondary but from what you say he is highly unlikely to meet the threshold fro a specialist place in a special school. Do any mainstream secondaries have unit/resource provision?

Our secondary , although crap in some areas, offers a wrap around service during school which seems mainly to support children with SEN and children with social difficulties ny offering a safe space for them to be during 'free time ie playtimes/lunch.
A friends son accesses it most days and he has developed some school based friendships through it. Like minded kids doing activities they enjoy in an environment they find safe. He's doing really well at school.

my son was always that child, the one not invited to parties, 1 or 2 friends in primary but he would think they were his best friends and then we'd find out he hadn't been invited to their party etc. , no boundaries, crap socially with kids, better with adults.

he struggled in lower secondary, never socialised with anyone outside of school but then he hit year 10 and suddenly found his tribe, about 8 "misfits" who all made friends, it was brilliant.

1 of them is still his best friend now at 19 and he still sees a few of them regularly.

he was always in mainstream.

Ds has adhd and autism. At mainstream secondary and is thriving.

Be careful of any mainstream school that promises a learning resource centre for SEN. The school my ds went to had one when he started & within a year it was closed down & there was no provision for any pupils with SEN. My fiends son was permanently in the learning resource due to ADHD & ASD, the closure resulted in school washing their hands with him & him missing a full year of school until a place was found for him in a specialist school.

I have 4 dc with autism.

Dc1 (aged 17) did much better in secondary than primary and even better in college. He wants to be sociable but struggles, so he joined lots of clubs so he would have something to do at lunchtimes.

Dc2 (aged nearly 16) struggles. He has on average about 2 massive meltdowns a year in school where he screams and sometimes throws things. Plus a lot of less serious ones. He is more able socially than dc1 but struggles more with sensory issues.

Dc3 (aged 13) has adhd as well as autism. He likes to be sociable but isn't good at it.

Dc5 (aged 9) is still in primary. The school are applying for an ehcp for him but the autism support teacher said there is no way that he will get a place at special needs school. He doesn't have learning disabilities but he has pica and he needs a lot of support at home and school to keep him safe.

We were in your position OP. Tried secondary state mainstream. Dire. He was socially isolated and bullied. The (supposedly excellent) school was rowdy and violent, with lots of kids who would kick off at random things. It was the unpredictability of the other pupils he found hard to handle.

We sent him to a private school instead. They are a selective school so you have to be bright to get in. What we have found is that because it is selective there are a lot of kids like him. Clever, a bit geeky, socially awkward. He likes it. He feels normal. He has a large group of nice friends. Any rowdy kids are threatened with being thrown out of the school, which is a very effective threat.