Children with ASD / ADHD going to mainstream school.

[BabbaJoe]

What has been your experience of your ‘High-Functioning’ ASD / ADHD child going to mainstream secondary school? My DS is in Year 5 and very academically able. He is happy at his mainstream primary, but frankly he is hopeless socially. They struggle with social cues, have no friends, and act very silly and immature. Whilst he is accepted by his peers, he has no friends, and has been called weird / freak in the past 😔

We have been told that he will not qualify for an EHCP as he is very intelligent and ahead academically, and there are no real reasons to warrant it as he is quite happy at school.

My real concern is secondary school, as that’s when I hear time and time again that ASD / ADHD kids fall apart.

I have three options:

• Mainstream Secondary
• Private School
• Private School that specialises in students with high-functioning ASD.

We can afford the private options, but it will mean cutting back and financial sacrifices.

Those who have been in my position, what would you do, and how did your children cope in mainstream?

It sounds like your soon needs special pastoral care rather than money under an EHCP. If you are looking at mainstream schools, perhaps find one that is smaller, and maybe has a welfare officer that you can discuss your son's needs with. It sounds like the support he will need will be around transitioning to a more mature setting, with maturing teens present, and to identify that he may be vulnerable / at risk from bullying. You might find that he flies at secondary school though.

Neither of mine coped at all. Luckily for my eldest I got an EHCP and she went for a specialist school which was better. My youngest has missed two years of secondary so far, and counting. She cannot cope with mainstream at all, and I am not well enough to be able to do much in the way of home education with her, they won’t assess her for an EHCP, even if she did get one everything is cut to the bone so she probably wouldn’t get a suitable place. So she’s basically not getting an education. Just gathering the strength to start my next round of battling with the system.

But I would say the time that both of mine did spend in mainstream secondary damaged them both immensely. If you can afford another way, do it.

My 3dc have various combinations of autism and ADHD and high intelligence - they all started out in mainstream independent secondaries that claimed to have exceptional pastoral care and excellent SEN provision - one by one we have pulled them out to home school. Dd was first as she had an enormous, terrifying burnout which cumulated in a suicide attempt. All of them are so much happier at home and achieving at a very high level - they can sleep, work at their own pace, spend time on what they are interested in and socialise on their own terms.

I have 'severe' ADHD and flailed my way through school (was not diagnosed back then), clowning around - I was popular and clever, but achieved barely a thing - I remember that my year 11 maths book was completely empty (not exaggerating, I literally did not make one mark in it). I have a good set of GCSEs, but only because I was clever enough to learn the whole curriculum from revision guides at the last minute (couldn't do that with A levels and never managed those - I do have a degree in a creative subject, even that was tough because of the time restraints).

Dh is awaiting assessment for autism and found every day of school to be a day of horror - when we watched The Faculty years ago, he commented that he felt like he was the alien invading the school (although he achieved very well academically).

School is shit for ND people.

The amazing specialist school that I found for my daughter said they can’t meet her needs. I’m absolutely devestated.

Could you push for ehcp for view to going to secondary and having options?

son is autistic. Mainstream primary and now year 7 in secondary. He is also dyslexic.Primary school said they wouldn’t support ehcp until we made it clear it was to support with transition to secondary. Then suddenly they would. He is doing well. The school has dealt with the couple of problems we have pretty quickly etc. They offer support and interventions. Technically they should be doing these things anyway with or without the ehcp but I feel like it gives a bit more ‘clout’ and it gives us the safety net that we could look at special needs schools should we need to .

Mine survived until 6th form and then fell apart.

I guess it would have happened in y10 if it hadn’t been for lockdowns.

Loads of people said I wouldn’t get an EHCP for my DS who is also in year 5. Because you wouldn’t know he had ADHD on meeting him (he also has dyslexia but no ASD diagnosis). But he struggles academically and also in some ways socially/ comes across quite young.

We did get an EHCP, and even though he’s going to go to a mainstream school, the funding will be really useful to support him through school.

But literally everyone (except the school SENCO) said “oh you won’t get an EHCP, they’re so hard to get, needs to be much more severe” etc

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

I think the issue is on what grounds exactly my DS would be granted an EHCP. He has no issues academically and needs no support in the classroom. Whilst he does struggle socially, he is accepted by his peers, not bullied, and is happy to attend school. So I am not sure what support needs my DS has that would warrant an EHCP, other than ‘has rubbish social skills but is happy and gets along fine.’ Can you get an EHCP with no current extra support needed, but they may need extra support in the future?

DS ( now in his 30s) went from special primary with autism base to special secondary ditto then mainstream at his own request from Y10. Mostly flourished and got 7 GCSE A-C.
However he was statemented, teachers went on courses and listened carefully to our advice and expertise as parents plus his class were prepared in advance, support put in and social issues dealt with straight away as and when they arose.

The key surely is well prepared classmates and vigilant teachers adept at spotting signs of trouble and heading them off. Doesn't necessarily need an EHCP but does need well motivated staff and good communication with home.

mine survived until yr10, and is now up shit creek without a paddle.
Despite me warning the school this is what would happen because it's what happened to me.

"Oh, she has the brains, does brilliant in class tests, but she struggles getting it on paper during exams!"

Yeah, no shit sherlock.

Private with good Senco.
It's the small class sizes and less noisy atmosphere that has worked well for my DD15. She did mainstream primary but struggled and got overwhelmed towards the end. Small nurturing school has worked great for her.

@BabbaJoe you keep repeating the same thing about what you’ve heard/been told - these are just opinions and completely irrelevant. The child highly likely has the conditions, therefore the child should be assessed, end of - just make it happen and go from there. The social difficulty is plenty, believe me - it’s not nothing. The more support and understanding a child gets, the better.

OP I don't have experience of my own teens in mainstream. I have a high support needs teen with ASD in a special high school and an NT child. in mainstream state high school. Both are very happy. Hopefully other parents can share their more relevant experience

I myself was an academically gifted but undiagnosed autistic/ADHD I went to high school late 80s early 90s. I have many amazing happy memories, and had a lot of friends inside and outside of school, but I struggled at times with bullies (but so did a lot of people I know)

I would not however want to attend many mainstream high schools today. I think in spite of all the "awareness" and increase in diagnoses, things are not any better for our Youngers. In many ways it's worse

Just wanted to share this - I’m a big fan of the Charlotte hale parenting adhd guides- this” raising rebels “one is a really comforting read for anyone who has a child with ODD that constantly pushes boundaries or challenges authority. She seems to really get how exhausting and frustrating it can be, and this book made me feel less alone. It gave me a fresh take on my child’s behavior and helped me approach things with a bit more patience instead of just reacting.

Who has told you they won't qualify for an EHCP? Even with one I'd stay away from special schools if they are academically very able, as they tend to leave with less qualifications (I'm a SEN teacher). I'd try secondary mainstream for a bit as there might be other kids like them they'll be friends with, or look for ND clubs.

Depends on the special school. I’ve known kids do very well academically in special schools who would’ve just school refused in mainstream.

Mainstream secondary has not worked out for almost everyone I know in this position. The pattern seems to be that their ASD DC just start refusing to go to school and it becomes very hard to move them back into any sort of meaningful education. We have preempted this and moved my high function ASD DC in year 5 to a mainstream private school. It is working out very well so far and we are happy with our decision. There is no way they would have coped in a mainstream secondary school

I'm confused, your child couldn't have gone to a mainstream secondary.. they start in y7. Do you mean mainstream state?

@Foxesandsquirrels
As stated it's a mainstream private school as opposed to a special needs private school which the op mentioned as an option. It's an all through school so DC can stay for a secondary

We're in a position where we don't have much choice but to go along with mainstream secondary.
Child is however surrounded by quite a few that he can see are ND in some way.

The school are accommodating a little ( one class for example always allows a quick break to expend energy), we had a few incidents usually given detentions that they've let go.

Can you realistically ask and expect any sort of support in secondary school without an EHCP? We have conditions diagnosed. ADHD and Autistic.
We're looking at ADHD meds to see if it helps make life easier. ADHD issues seem to dominate.

@Tittat50 yes, lots. They can have a SEN profile that teachers should all read. Mine was never given a detention because of his SEN, had a certain seat near the door, "escape card", excused from homework, PE and ultimately put on reduced timetable, allowed in through office and excused from tutor, nurture place for break/lunch. Many schools have somewhere kids who are struggling can go when they can't manage lessons, pastoral team, ELSA, leaving lessons early to avoid corridor crowds/lunch queue/ busy loos, exam accommodations like small room and extra time, being put in a class that has a child who has an LSA so there's an additional adult in the room. Strong relationship with a particular "safe" adult in school.

My son had most of this stuff in place before the decision was made to apply for an EHCP. Some is evidence of things failing rather than really a solution, eg the reduced timetable. Ultimately they couldn't meet need, he still couldn't cope, and he moved. But yes they can absolutely do more than nothing.

Our experience is they tend to be quite good at accommodating specific requests, but as parents it's hard to know what to ask for.

@Marsayla wow. This is a mainstream secondary?

@Tittat50 yes. Could not meet need. He moved to one with better SEN provision.

(I should say some of what I wrote he crucially couldn't have at his old school - nurture group for both breaks and lunch, safe place to go during the school day.)

Honestly - our experience was a nightmare.
Our son sounds very similar to yours, we got an EHCP in year 7, by year 8 he had moved to specialist school, just couldn't cope with the noise and stimulus of even a small mainstream.
Sadly we were limited for choice with our special school options locally and our son refused to board (understandably) and our local private schools were highly academic and therefore equally unsuitable as he had been ostracized during his private primary school setting.
The special school did wonders for his attendance and friendship groups but sadly not for his academic progress.
Our son has now moved to a small mainstream post 16 college, but the reality is hitting home again that he cannot cope with mainstream and will need an apprenticeship or special provision for next year.

My advice would be look at all options and if you are able and have the right private schools to nurture then choose what's right for your child
Equally I would recommend getting an EHCP if you can, they do help create understanding in a setting about WHY your child reacts in certain ways and can provide things such as movement breaks during lessons or exams, taking exams on their own to minimise distractions etc