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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and his sandwiches - I'm gonna go postal

205 replies

mynamechange94 · 20/03/2024 20:31

Ever since lockdown started and DH has mostly been working from home, he has a sandwich for lunch with little cubes of cheese and cold meats etc. Every day, pretty much, he has the same sandwich.

And every single god damn fucking day he leaves the chopping board, bread knife and butter knife on the kitchen counter.

I've asked. I've pleaded. I've threatened a star chart. Nothing has worked.

AIBU to lose my shit soon if he can't just put the knives and chopping board in the washing up before he eats?

I'm obviously not perfect, and I'm well aware that I have wildly irritating habits too, but I just want him to put the stuff in the washing up pile. Is that really too much to ask? AIBU?

OP posts:
ifIwerenotanandroid · 21/03/2024 13:08

K0OLA1D · 20/03/2024 20:35

Take the knives and chopping board out with you to work one day. Say nothing. Act dumb.

Yep. I was going to suggest hiding them so they're not there when he wants to make his sandwich. Much more effective to inconvenience him than to moan about his inconveniencing you.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 21/03/2024 13:12

Loubilou23 · 21/03/2024 11:26

My husband tried this with the frying pan after cooking his breakfast every morning, a couple of times hurling the frying pan in the garden soon sorted that one out.

I don't care if this is real or a joke. I love the image!

Gettingbysomehow · 21/03/2024 13:16

He wants you to clean up after him then?
If I did that in my clinics kitchen I would have someone reporting me to management and telling me to clean up my own shit. Because literally nobody here at work does that, we are all expected to clean up after ourselves no matter what sex,gender or disability they have.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 21/03/2024 13:19

Do like I do with my kids-I shove stuff they leave everywhere in their beds. Soon breaks habits

CrappySack · 21/03/2024 13:29

mynamechange94 · 20/03/2024 21:14

I'm very much enjoying the replies.

The tiny cubes of cheese go with the sandwich, not in it. He has a coleslaw, salad and ham sandwich, every day. He also has cured meats and some little mezze things he gets from M&S or somewhere. Even I can accept, through my rage, that it does look pretty good (except I don't eat meat).

To be fair, we always leave the washing up until the evening and then one of us does it. So it's not ALWAYS me that clears it up, but I'm generally the one who does the tidying up, so whenever I walk into the kitchen I'm faced with the remnants of his lunch. It gives me the rage.

What would you like him to to with it if you've both agreed to do the washing up in the evening?

sunnylanding · 21/03/2024 13:41

Shuggie1234 · 20/03/2024 21:21

Things like this make me think about the bigger picture. How would you feel if he died and the chopping board and crumbs were gone, forever?
There are so many more important things in life, it’s some crumbs and a chopping board it really isn’t important and not worth a second thought

Where does that end?
You could end up with someone leaving their dirty crocks/pants/wellies all over the shop and still be saying "oh well. I'd miss it if they died" when actually it'd be a relief to have a clean house.

HairyBanana · 21/03/2024 23:13

Who puts dishes away before eating?

Vonesk · 22/03/2024 01:22

How to rub along nicely, living with another human being.
When my EX. Fixed the leaking sink he left ALL the bottles of chemicals out on the kitchen floor instead of replacing under sink.
Rather than replace them myself I put them on top of the thing which he treasures the most.
It was his Car.
It was much fun seeing the horrified look on his face.
Perhaps you can think of something which he treasures the most and dust with crumbs and butter.....Much more fun than fuming.

spanieleyes22 · 22/03/2024 01:57

LilFoxes · 20/03/2024 20:40

Padlocks for the cabinets? Or some kind of clear locked box to hold the cheese and cold cuts? I did this on the airing cupboard when DH was learning that if he didn't hang his wet towels up, they stayed wet and he wasn't allowed to just get fresh clean ones.

GrinGrinGrinShock

CheshireDing · 22/03/2024 04:13

i just dump that stuff in the sink. Not my problem to put in the dishwasher but I need the worktop so tough

then if other things are rinsed in the sink at the same time the said leaver of the stuff has to go through a sink of half wet things with bits of food or whatever on to put them in the dishwasher

Not my problem, they could have just put their chopping board etc in the dishwasher the first time

Autienotnaughtie · 22/03/2024 04:43

I'd put it on his desk everytime.

NoIamcactusius · 22/03/2024 05:30

BingoMarieHeeler · 21/03/2024 08:33

Why do you need the rest of the surfaces clear though? Aesthetics? It’s not very aesthetically pleasing if you have a big pile of washing up in the background.

Show quote history

So that the rest of the household don’t have to clear it away to use it.

NoIamcactusius · 22/03/2024 05:35

plominoagain · 21/03/2024 08:54

My husband and I used to work opposite where I would follow him. So he would do early turn , I would take over from him for late turn ,and he would then come home. I would leave the kitchen normally clean and tidy , and would return at past midnight to find the dinner stuff all on the side , despite having a perfectly serviceable dishwasher . I mentioned it , he improved , and then slid back. I mentioned it again, he improved , then slid back . So the next time in a fit of pique , I left it all on the side , then piled every last clean cup, saucer , bowl , plate , pan and item of cutlery into the boot of my car, and took it with me to work , where it remained until I came home. Not happened since .

Bloody brilliant!

NoIamcactusius · 22/03/2024 05:48

MorningSunshineSparkles · 21/03/2024 07:55

He’s an adult entitled to make his own decisions about when he cleans up, if you act like his mother then you’re not in a relationship.

Would you say the same if he worked in an office? Sharing a space with other people means you should be considerate of their use of the house too. Moving the stuff to by the sink/in the dishwasher and wiping away crumbs is literally a 30 second job. 30 seconds to leave the kitchen as you found it for the next person to use it.

Loubilou23 · 22/03/2024 06:11

ifIwerenotanandroid · 21/03/2024 13:12

I don't care if this is real or a joke. I love the image!

Show quote history

Very real 😅

Bordesleyhills · 22/03/2024 06:26

Leave it and count the days- if he gets food poisoning tough

sassyclassyandsmartassy · 22/03/2024 06:49

SnarkMode · 20/03/2024 20:32

Put it on his desk. Every time.

👆🏻this! I hate nothing more than forced incompetence. Perhaps he needs a few more things to do around the house so he doesn’t become blinkered to mess!

Friedgreentomatoes1981 · 22/03/2024 07:25

My 21 year old daughter is similar, just does not pick up any of her shit.
I bought 1000 red sad face stickers from temu for about £2, and now if she leaves something out it gets a sad face sticker on. If it's still there after a day or 2 then it's going to go in a bin bag in the garage, and if she doesn't ask after it, it's going in the bin. Its not got that far yet as she moves it when she notices the sticker.
If it was my husband doing this, I just wouldn't wash it up. Leave it there so it's still dirty when he next comes to use it.

Elly46 · 22/03/2024 07:54

It’s my pet hate. Every day I wipe down and clear the kitchen work surface and every day when I come in to kitchen in morning it’s scattered with crumbs and an array of bowls, butter smeared knives and used drinking vessels by DH.
Even worse for me: he will leave the tiniest inch of drink in the clan/carton/glass and leave on the side to save finding the recycling container (which is often right near where he’s left the dreg of drink) and putting it in there! I despair.

StormingNorman · 22/03/2024 09:19

Can’t get that sandwich out of my head now. Not the point I know, can he make you one too?

Dancingonthemoonlight · 22/03/2024 09:34

Couldn't get wound up about this tbh, I'd just move them myself, it's hardly a big deal is it?

Platformboots · 22/03/2024 09:55

Life is too short..... At least he uses a board and doesn't leave a load of crumbs on the bench.

Wheresthescissors · 22/03/2024 09:58

Dancingonthemoonlight · 22/03/2024 09:34

Couldn't get wound up about this tbh, I'd just move them myself, it's hardly a big deal is it?

If it's not a big deal he can fucking do it himself, can't he?

SpringSprungALeak · 22/03/2024 10:02

WinterMorn · 20/03/2024 20:33

I haven’t heard anyone say “go postal” for ages!

@WinterMorn I thought that too!!

@mynamechange94 yeah of course he should, especially as you've made it clear it bothers you. However, it's only moving it to a pile of washing up, does it really matter? If the kitchen was clean & tidy no dishes hanging around, I'd be more annoyed, but as there's a pile of dishes anyway, how much difference does it actually make?