DH and his sandwiches - I'm gonna go postal

[mynamechange94]

Ever since lockdown started and DH has mostly been working from home, he has a sandwich for lunch with little cubes of cheese and cold meats etc. Every day, pretty much, he has the same sandwich.

And every single god damn fucking day he leaves the chopping board, bread knife and butter knife on the kitchen counter.

I've asked. I've pleaded. I've threatened a star chart. Nothing has worked.

AIBU to lose my shit soon if he can't just put the knives and chopping board in the washing up before he eats?

I'm obviously not perfect, and I'm well aware that I have wildly irritating habits too, but I just want him to put the stuff in the washing up pile. Is that really too much to ask? AIBU?

My partner does this occasionally, and it drives me nuts. It's like his time is more important than mine and disregards my kind request to tidy up. It's disrespectful, I get it. As a person whose house is my office (sahm) I get m fed up if someone cannot clean up after themselves. Cleaning the kitchen 100 times a day is more than enough.

My DH sandwich crime is that he’s never able to locate a plate (they’re in the plate cupboard). So, will just make his sandwich on the countertop & eat it while walking / sitting / whatever. Thus not just leaving crumbs all over the counter, but leaving a crumb trail everywhere he goes. When I say “plate” he acts like it’s first time he’s ever done it. Every time!

This. Every time

I don't get what the big deal is. I am guilty of doing this, but things do eventually get put in the sink and washed.

but what if someone else needs to use the chopping board or the workshop space?

Are they supposed to work around your dirty pots or wash them up ?

DH makes himself soup in a flask for his lunch and has a habit of leaving the pan in the sink when he goes out to work. This means that if I need to use the sink (I wfh) I either have to a) wash it or b) lift out and put it back.

Ditto if I want to use the pan for my lunch (only small one we have) I have to wash it first.

It's one of the very few things he does that really grinds my gears.

I'm with you OP. The other day DH was out at a course locally, so he came home for lunch. He left the dirty chopping board, dirty knife and bread or on the side and buggered off back to his course, not due back till 6.45!

I was pissed off because I'm not his bloody maid. All he had to do was put the bread away in the cupboard he had to walk past anyway, such the knife in the dishwasher next to him, and rinse the chopping board. It would have taken two minutes at most.

He's so untidy and slovenly I honestly don't know what I married and at times it's like death by a thousand cuts.

i have this issue with DH and his little fucking teepee interdental brushes which he now leaves on the side of the sink . And the wardrobe door which for some reason he now won’t close. It’s driven me mad for the past year. Prior to this, no issue. It’s like trying to work out why your previously house-trained but elderly terrier suddenly starts pissing all over the furniture. Except I can’t take DH to the vets for fecking tablets to cure it.

When I was a student I got the rage with everyone in the house share never washing up cereal bowls - so I couldn’t ever eat my cereal without having to sandpaper off porridge or shreddie remnants.. House meetings/rotas never worked so one day I simply smashed all of the bowls on my way out. It was bin day and I’d smashed all the evidence directly into the bottom of the bin. which was then promptly emptied. None of them ever worked out what had happened.

Get this personalised for him with

MrMynamechange44
PUT ME BY THE SINK NOW
this means YOU

https://www.notonthehighstreet.com/dustandthings/product/personalised-family-chef-chopping-board-for-him

DH makes himself soup in a flask for his lunch and has a habit of leaving the pan in the sink when he goes out to work. This means that if I need to use the sink (I wfh) I either have to a) wash it or b) lift out and put it back.

This, but replace ‘soup pan’ with ‘sticky porridge bowl’ and that’s me.

OP we needs a diagram

If you tidy the work surfaces when you get in, and he does the dishes , the I think that sounds ok to me.

OP. I have thought of the solution. You make his sandwiches for him before going out. Then you can put everything away. Am sure he'd appreciate it.

When I met my husband over 20 years ago, the couple he shared a house with (well the woman to be fair!) complained that he rinsed his cereal bowl and spoon under the tap and left it in the sink. To this day he still does that. The dishwasher is just under he sink - no walking needed. He doesn’t put it away or put it in the dishwasher. I come along and put it in the dishwasher. I’ve mentioned it numerous times but to no avail. He also gets a glass out for a drink of water and says that as he’ll probably need another at some point in the day, no point putting it away! I think I’m institutionalised because I don’t even comment now!

Do you quite a decent sized kitchen, with lots of work space? I only ask as mine is small, with one small spot to work, and if I didn’t clear up as soon as I’d finished using stuff then I’d not even have space to make a cup of tea 😂

Mine does the same. Slight improvement in the past year but still a long way to go.

Hide them.

Then when he uses a different knife etc and leaves that, hide them too.

When he asks where they are say "Oh you just left them again so I assumed they were rubbish and chucked them out".

I really hope that this is meant to be ironic.

Seconded.

My partner does exactly the same…
I’m going to take this advice as well and stick them on his bonnet.

When my partner pisses me off in small ways and I don’t want to start an argument I put things in his shoes. Just small things like earring backs, little stones, on one occasion I filled them with glitter.
It took him weeks to realise it was me, he caught me putting half a cocktail sausage in his right shoe. I was over ambitious this time and I assume he’d have worked out it was me anyway 😂.

I still do it even though I’ve been found out, it’s better now because he comes and asks what he’s actually done to deserve it.

When he caught me in the act he said he was relieved he’d found the source of his discomfort, he couldn’t work out how the objects were getting there. I asked him how on earth he thought the glitter got there? and he said he thought it might have come from his socks but couldn’t elaborate on how this would happen. I don’t advise doing that though as I’m still hoovering up glitter months later.

She's asked, she's pleaded - so WDYT?

Stop doing the things he depends on you for.
Like washing his clothes.
Or cooking tea or supper.
Like doing the dishes.

”Why aren’t there any clean clothes?”
”Why isn’t there any tea?”
”Why are yesterday’s dishes still there?”

”I figured since you can’t be bothered to do one small thing for me, I can’t be bothered to do anything for you.”

Lol he’ll probably ask what it is he hasn’t done for you - fasten your belt.

This is me! If I fancy a sandwich again later in the day, what is the point of having a second knife & chopping when I can use the same one again?

They will all make it to the dishwasher by bed time & the world won't end.

My OH is the same as you & would love the the immediate tidy but it's minor, he gets over it.

For things like sandwiches I’d clean up after I’d eaten, sometimes I’d go back for seconds and what’s the point in expending energy putting away and taking out again 5 mins later? If he leaves it there when he’s finished and returns to the very important task of man-ing then YANBU but if it’s just your preference for him to clean up immediately then I suggested counting to ten and walking away.

life is too short

I'm the only adult in my home and I won't even allow myself to leave a knife and chopping board out whilst I eat the sandwich, never mind beyond that. My eye would start twitching or something. What a lazy git

Well clearly someone in the relationship isn't sweating the small stuff.

I instantly thought of this guy!

Op has said she's asked, plead 😞

At the moment it is a small ask for him to clean up but in time the fact that he won't do the small ask it may become the straw that breaks the camel's back