DH and his sandwiches - I'm gonna go postal

[mynamechange94]

Ever since lockdown started and DH has mostly been working from home, he has a sandwich for lunch with little cubes of cheese and cold meats etc. Every day, pretty much, he has the same sandwich.

And every single god damn fucking day he leaves the chopping board, bread knife and butter knife on the kitchen counter.

I've asked. I've pleaded. I've threatened a star chart. Nothing has worked.

AIBU to lose my shit soon if he can't just put the knives and chopping board in the washing up before he eats?

I'm obviously not perfect, and I'm well aware that I have wildly irritating habits too, but I just want him to put the stuff in the washing up pile. Is that really too much to ask? AIBU?

Yes, this was my main takeaway from this post.

if I am working from home I don’t have time to wash up straight away from lunch. Presumably he’ll do it after you’ve both finished work? If my husband moaned at me for not washing the chopping board during my working day I would not be happy.

Hide them in the garden then shrug innocently 😇

I agree with this.

I couldn't get too excited if someone left a bread board out for a few hours.

Presumably, it's his kitchen too? What if you regularly moving the bread board and his knives means he's on the verge of going postal too?!

Does he leave it because he thinks he might want another sandwich a bit later? We often leave the chopping board and knife out in those circumstances. It gets put in the dishwasher when the next meal is being prepped as it's pretty safe to assume sandwich time is over.

What happens if you leave it there?

I don’t expect my partner to immediately clear up the kitchen after he’s made a sandwich at lunch and he doesn’t expect me to either.
It’s really not enjoyable to have to clear it all away before you eat your food, who does that???

Unless there is particular reason why you need a few crumbs and a knife cleaned away immediately then YABU.

Why are you hanging around checking it? That’d drive me mad.

I usually just clean up once I’ve finished work, throw my lunch stuff in the dishwasher, tea cups, water bottle etc…

I think he has the cubes of cheese as a side not in the sandwich

Leave them there. Or start to put them in incentive places.

DH puts his used Tassimo pods in the sink. I've started putting them on top of the twatting machine. If that doesn't work my, next place is his armchair.

Wouldn’t worry me!

Make sandwich - sit and eat

Does it really matter?

I load the dishwasher as I go, will put things away and tidy up as much as possible before sitting down to eat, then just deal with my plate/cutlery. Dh leaves everything he’s made a mess preparing food, only will put away stuff that needs to go back in the fridge ASAP, the rest he leaves until he’s finished eating and does a big tidy up in one go.

i find it annoying to walk into the kitchen on the days he’s WFH and I’m off work to find a mess. He finds it annoying when we are making food together, I can’t just go to the table and eat when food is ready, but “faff” loading up the dishwasher and tidying everything away before I’ll walk over to eat.

but we both just accept we have different approaches to the same tasks.

Basically OP, PP are correct, if he will clean up after he’s finished eating, then YABU, if he doesn’t and leaves it for you to do that evening, then YANBU.

Prepare, then eat, then clean

Why does he have to clean before he's eaten?

As long as he clears up afterwards, what's the problem?

One thing that has helped me deal with this sort of thing is when I was complaining to my friend about my husband leaving socks on the floor, she replied “one day you will miss it”, I had completely forgotten whilst moaning that her husband had died a few years ago 😔 now whenever I get pissed off at kids/husbands mess etc I have her voice inside my head reminding me that one day I will miss it (eg when kids are grown and leave home etc) 😭

Please tell me he also sometimes does this pile of washing up in the sink.

DH had a habit of putting things down all over the place. I was so sick of it, I collected them all up- books, shoes, clothes, mugs, glasses- and I just used to put them at his side of the bed. Didn't say anything, just put them there. They were his to deal with. It became ridiculous. He stopped.

My stbxh never puts the cardboard roll from the toilet roll in the bin. Never replaces it on the loo roll holder.

I’ve replaced the loo roll holder so it’s one where you only need to slide the loo roll on (no fiddling with any springs or anything). He took the loo roll off, left it on the floor and eventually pulled the holder off the wall.

I repaired it, replaced the holder. Life repeats. I replanted the hole in wall, repaint and give up on having a toilet roll holder. He puts the loo roll on the floor and when he finishes one, he just leaves the cardboard inner where it lies.

and this, reader, is why he is my stbxh. I suggest, OP, that you LTB, because leaving your sandwich stuff on the counter for the kitchen fairy is probably just one behaviour card in a whole deck of inconsiderate and thoughtless actions.

I'm very much enjoying the replies.

The tiny cubes of cheese go with the sandwich, not in it. He has a coleslaw, salad and ham sandwich, every day. He also has cured meats and some little mezze things he gets from M&S or somewhere. Even I can accept, through my rage, that it does look pretty good (except I don't eat meat).

To be fair, we always leave the washing up until the evening and then one of us does it. So it's not ALWAYS me that clears it up, but I'm generally the one who does the tidying up, so whenever I walk into the kitchen I'm faced with the remnants of his lunch. It gives me the rage.

This.

Put them in his side of the bed

AIBU to lose my shit soon if he can't just put the knives and chopping board in the washing up before he eats?

Before he eats?

YABU
You need to get out of the house more, he needs to clear up before you need to cook the next meal.

Sorry I don't get it, what is he supposed to do with them? I leave everything I've used out, always. Then washing up at the end of the day.

As long as he’s not excepting you to move it and he eventually does then it can sit there all day
I’m afraid it’s the joys of sharing a house you can’t have it all your own way

tbh I think I’d leave it there out of pettiness if I was demanded to put it away before I’d had my dinner

Really? And what if someone else wants to cook or prepare food. Do they need to tidy up before they start, or work around dirty things?

Things like this make me think about the bigger picture. How would you feel if he died and the chopping board and crumbs were gone, forever?
There are so many more important things in life, it’s some crumbs and a chopping board it really isn’t important and not worth a second thought

Put them in the dishwasher / sink. The whole kitchen must be a mess by the end of the day otherwise surely?