To expect partner to help with paying for food shops?

[Lunluna09]

So I earn between 1.9-2k a month, my partner earns 1.9k so more or less the same.

We live together and I have a child from a previous relationship, and also a car, which he does not.

The household bills are almost £1700 a month, and he currently pays £600 towards this, which is fine as my car means my share is higher.

My issue is I also pay for every food shop, and also all the petrol, and I drive him around frequently. He thinks he pays his fair share in his words and doesn't need to pay more. I buy all his essentials, deodorant, etc

I'm currently spending £1800 a month on the rest of the bills, food/ essentials for the three of us and petrol and it's bleeding me dry, I've got nothing to put aside, ive had two flat tires this month and nothing to fall back on and I'm really struggling. I've brought it up to him and it's very much 'youll need to cut down on things' with no offer to help out even one week a month with doing a food shop.

He's terrible with money and never has anything left after the first week. If I mention needing more he makes me feel like I'm being unreasonable asking for money from him. He also frequently asks to borrow what little money I have from me through the month as he never has any.

AIBU?

What does he actually bring to your relationship?

YABU to have entertained this freeloading cocklodging waster for this long. He pays up or gets out.

Hello

Definitely not being unreasonable. I earn more than my husband (recently married) and currently we split the bills in half and we alternate paying for the food shops each week. I also have a daughter from a previous relationship but he has no issue paying for the shopping or half the bills.

Please don’t think of it, or articulate it as “helping” to pay for the food shop. If he eats, he pays.

and no, YANBU.

How is he being a partner?!

I think you perhaps need to split the bills differently. Do you need a much bigger house for your DC? Are they there full time?

Perhaps split the bills (without the car) into 1/3 and you pay 2/3 and he pays 1/3? But all bills, house, gas / electric, food shop etc. He should be buying his own essentials!

Don't drive him around anymore. If you pay for the car + fuel on your own, don't be his taxi. Charge him if he wants driving around, and if he objects then offer to split the car costs 50/50 if you're both benefiting from it.

Stop lending him money and stop driving him about. Consider whether or not you find someone with such a tight arse attractive.

I think you'd be better off single. He sees you as a meal ticket I'm afraid. You have a child, you should not be subsidising his life. And more importantly he should not be expecting you to.

Easiest thing to cut back on is the freeloading prick eating your food.

So you do as he asked and cut down on things. Start by not ferrying him about for an and don’t include any food or essentials for him in the food shop. He’s being unfair and very tight and bloody cheeky.

So you pay

• half the bills
• all the petrol for trips driving him around as well as yourself
• all the car insurance
• all the food for 2 adults
• all the toiletries for 2 adults

And he pays

• half the bills?
• AND he's always skint and borrowing off you, and makes you feel bad for asking

I think you have yourself a jolly fine cocklodger there. Give him the heave-ho and your food, toiletries and petrol will go down by half and you won't be loaning him money.

He's taking the absolute piss here. And will continue to do so until you tell him you're done subsidising him.

Stop feeding him.

Point out that his share of the bills covers the roof over his head, the council tax, the gas/electric and the water/phone bill etc.

It doesn't cover food. If he wants to eat then he needs to buy food. Or cough up half the cost of the food in the fridge/cupboards that you have paid for. If he wants a lift he can pay for the petrol - or get the bus. Or a taxi. If he doesn't want to smell he'll need to buy deodorant.

Or he could just fuck off.

It's not that hard, OP

Run for the hills !

Write a list. Two columns.
A - each and every single thing you pay for.
B - each and every single thing he pays for.

Take the list, roll it up and shove it up his arse.

He can buy his own toiletries.
He should be paying at least a third of the food shop.
Stop ferrying him about if the journey doesn't benefit you.
Do not lend him any money.
You are paying £500 per month more than him. Almost double his contribution.
Is your car financed?

Well, you’ve tried living together and it doesn’t work. Time to kick him out.

Seriously; they don’t change. Sometimes they’ll change for a couple months but they always slip back and it’s a constant uphill struggle, you’ll find yourself obsessing about money and worrying about the next pay day to see what happens.

Honestly, if you want to stay with him then you need to live separately. But… this is who he is. Fundamentally selfish and out for himself, bad with money so makes you cover him… think hard about ending this.

I think his share of bills is fine. He needs to pay at least a third of groceries, all his own toiletries and sundries and petrol for when you give him a lift somewhere- I’d work it at 45p a mile to cover wear and tear on the car.

If he says that his toiletries need to be done as part of the weekly shop- they don’t- he can order online from boots or Amazon.

Why would you think you were unreasonable?

What a freeloading fucker.

You should show him this thread.

This

I'm sorry but I think you should get rid. Your child is your first and only consideration. A partner should be paying his own way, should be responsible for managing his money and not borrowing off you.
I wasted 20 years on a man like this and had zero respect for him by the end. Don't be me.
Every penny he doesn't pay is taking food out of your child's mouth, clothing off her back and treats away from her.
You and your DD deserve better than this waster.

He’s must be well pleased with himself on his financial good luck with meeting you. He’s a free loader so show him the door ➡️

If he won't pay petrol of food, stop running him around in the car and buy food for yourself and your dc only.

He's taking the piss completely.

This

You are worth more than this OP

Well if he wants you to cut back then you should cut back.

No more buying food for him, you need to cut back.
No more free lifts, you need to cut back.
Ran out of deodrant? Best hop skippity jump down the shop and buy yourself some because i need to cut back.