To expect partner to help with paying for food shops?

[Lunluna09]

So I earn between 1.9-2k a month, my partner earns 1.9k so more or less the same.

We live together and I have a child from a previous relationship, and also a car, which he does not.

The household bills are almost £1700 a month, and he currently pays £600 towards this, which is fine as my car means my share is higher.

My issue is I also pay for every food shop, and also all the petrol, and I drive him around frequently. He thinks he pays his fair share in his words and doesn't need to pay more. I buy all his essentials, deodorant, etc

I'm currently spending £1800 a month on the rest of the bills, food/ essentials for the three of us and petrol and it's bleeding me dry, I've got nothing to put aside, ive had two flat tires this month and nothing to fall back on and I'm really struggling. I've brought it up to him and it's very much 'youll need to cut down on things' with no offer to help out even one week a month with doing a food shop.

He's terrible with money and never has anything left after the first week. If I mention needing more he makes me feel like I'm being unreasonable asking for money from him. He also frequently asks to borrow what little money I have from me through the month as he never has any.

AIBU?

youll need to cut down on things' with no offer to help out even one week a month with doing a food shop

Quite simply I would cut down on any lifts for him, or any shopping for him 🤷‍♀️

Give yourself a shake OP.
Of course he should be paying for his share of food and ALL of his own toiletries etc.
If he was a decent man and not a freeloading cocklodger he'd give something towards the car expenses too as he's benefitting from the use.
Honestly - wake up.

At least.... God I cannot spell 🙄

Don't 'lend' him money again when it's gone within one week.

Does he have any debt?

This....as I definitely couldn't yuk

Why does he eat food that he doesn't pay for? Or have use of a car he doesn't pay for?
Surely that's a situation you're allowing - can't fathom why though

You haven't said what he's spending his remaining money on. It sounds ominous to me that he can spend that much in a week, is it drugs? He's living his best life while you worry about where every penny is coming from. He won't change, I know from experience. Get rid, you won't look back.

Food bill is part of the house hold bills. So if they are say £500 a month then he needs to be giving you an extra £250 a month

Why does the freeloading twat think he doesn't have to pay for the food he eats?
Get rid it won't get any better.

YANBU.

You make it clear that you are finding money tight as you pay more towards bills than him plus are covering all the car expenses and food bills. Tell him he needs to pay for food and don't drive him places unless he contributes to fuel. If he is still short of money in spite of the fact he is not paying towards food and fuel where is his money going?

Next time he quibbles about you not having enough money remind him he is not paying his fair share.

@Lunluna09 you're being a bit vague as well 😆

So how much extra does he borrow each month and does he pay it back? Some posters here have had things like this happen and don't want it for anyone else.

Yes of course he should pay towards food.

You actually are unreasonable to put up with this shit from him. What does he actually bring to the relationship?

Stop providing for him your husband partner not his mother. Work out food costs and make him pay his share, same with fuel etc. I personally think he should be contributing about £400 more a month in total as that's the minimum he is costing. If he doesn't do it get rid of him

He gambles, drinks, or uses, maybe all three.

Can you try ‘it’s your turn to pay this week’ ? that’s what I do, my husband does care but he also never thinks about the food that magically appears!!

also re the car, stop giving him lifts. And don’t be buying his toiletries either.

he does sound a bit rubbish though …

IOD course he should pay toward his food. Ill, what planet would he think he shouldn't. He wouldn't go out for a meal and not pay.

As for toiletries, of course he should pay for these. Again he's not use them in a shop and not pay.

As for putting petrol in the car - errr yes! He wouldn't expect to get a taxi and not pay would be.

questioning if hes right that he shouldn't need to pay for food.

Why the fuck does he think 'he shouldn't need to pay for food'? If he wants to eat he needs to pay for food.

It's hardly rocket science is it?

Get rid of him, OP. He's literally taking the food out of your child's mouth.

Where was he living before that he thinks 600 is a fair price for rent, bills, food, cleaning supplies and toiletries?!

He's taking the piss, how can you be attracted to someone who doesnt pay their way and knowingly leaves you with nothing to fall back on? Especially when you have a child to consider! He is using you and you are letting him.

Get rid. Council tax + no more lifts + lower grocery bill + lower utilities + self respect means you'll be quids in.

My god, OP. You're being taken for a mug. As others have said already, don't buy his food/toiletries and don't lend him money and don't ferry him around everywhere. If he complains about that then ask yourself if you deserve better. The answer will be a resounding YES! If you find yourself swithering about it then get back here and re-read this thread till it sinks in.

Why shouldn’t he pay for food?? Every adult is expected to pay for food. What’s so special about him?? What a tool.

A grown man paying 600 quid a month for everything?!! Hes got it made! Even more so if you're the one cooking the food and doing his washing.

He's none too bright either cos if he'd just upped his amount a bit you'd have been happy with it. But now you're posting on here about it, you're onto him.

He knows you’re struggling and he is not offering anything. You need to start saying, ‘I can’t afford that this month so I’m cutting back’ (his words) then don’t buy the food he likes or the extra petrol or the deodorant etc.

I never normally reply to this sort of thread because I assume they have to be fake.

The alternative - that there really are so many women this pathetic out there - is just depressing.

Sorry to be harsh if this is real, OP, but get a fucking grip and throw this pillock out.

And all the pp replying with complicated sums and ways of talking to this cocklodger also need to get a grip.

There is only one answer to this “dilemma”.

OP, your issue, as other wise posters have said, is you mixing 'household bills'.

1.Household bills to allow you and him in flat =. he then pays half of that. no ifs, no buts.

2.food bills for 3 of you =. he then pays 1/3 of that. it would be good if your kid's food can be easily separated from bill depending on its age.

3.lastly, you car costs incl fuel. this requires honesty from you, how much you drive him around for and discuss with him what you feel is fair.

did you move him in hoping you will be quids in?

why did you move him in? he clearly doesn't want to feed you and your daughter and that's his choice. just ask him to pay his food contribution.
@Lunluna09

I was about to try and give you a way if calculating the cost per mile of your car... but no. If he doesn't pay at least 40% of the costs, he doesn't get in it. Ever.

And yes he pays 40-50% of EVERY food shop. Or you stop feeding him. And please stop buying his toiletries snacks etc. And stop lending him money. He really is taking you for a ride.

Look at it this way OP, every £1 you subsidise him by is £1 less you can spend or save for your child.