To expect partner to help with paying for food shops?

[Lunluna09]

So I earn between 1.9-2k a month, my partner earns 1.9k so more or less the same.

We live together and I have a child from a previous relationship, and also a car, which he does not.

The household bills are almost £1700 a month, and he currently pays £600 towards this, which is fine as my car means my share is higher.

My issue is I also pay for every food shop, and also all the petrol, and I drive him around frequently. He thinks he pays his fair share in his words and doesn't need to pay more. I buy all his essentials, deodorant, etc

I'm currently spending £1800 a month on the rest of the bills, food/ essentials for the three of us and petrol and it's bleeding me dry, I've got nothing to put aside, ive had two flat tires this month and nothing to fall back on and I'm really struggling. I've brought it up to him and it's very much 'youll need to cut down on things' with no offer to help out even one week a month with doing a food shop.

He's terrible with money and never has anything left after the first week. If I mention needing more he makes me feel like I'm being unreasonable asking for money from him. He also frequently asks to borrow what little money I have from me through the month as he never has any.

AIBU?

Let me guess - he moved in to your home. Time for him to move out.

This is a bit confusing as you have included the car in the "household bills" but not food shopping or petrol.
What's the house situation? Mortgage? Rent? In who's name?

Nails it ^^

🤣🤣🤣

^^This

Is he in your house? Is it rented or are you mortgaged? How long have you been together? is your child there FT?

Largely it's irrelevant though as I would be getting rid.

User.

A cocklodger

Which one is it, cocaine or gambling?

😂😂

Perfect

What's he spending £1300 on in one week, OP? Is this the kind of man you really want in your child's life?

Or yours?

@Lunluna09 Apart from spending your money, does he do anything useful?

Perfect I like your style

Cocklodger

Why are you putting up with this.

If you kick him out you’ll get a 25% discount on your council tax. Then say you spend £300 a month on his food and toiletries, decrease on the amount of petrol used and the money you lend him, slight decrease on bills. I think if you add these up you’ll offset the £600 he pays towards the bills and you’ll be able to cope better without him.

Yet another woman putting a free-loading leech in front of her own child.
Why are you doing this? Is it better to be in a relationship - no matter how shit -than it is to be single?

How did you get into this situation? I don’t understand the split of the bills in the first place - is £500 a car loan so you each pay £600 for rent, council tax, utilities? The food should be split maybe 60:40 if you make allowances for your child, how did he ever get away with not contributing to the very first food shop??Either the car is yours alone and he pays you for lifts, or it’s a family vehicle and the costs are split. He is a) taking the absolute piss and b) terrible with money and with £1.3k left after bills still sponging off you. Get rid.

So he's living all in for £600 per month including sex?

You need to factor in the food shops average say 125 per week and add that to the bills, rent/mortgage, gas & electric, tv package, broadband, petrol, car payment, tax for car and insurance etc and then split it 50/50.

If he wants to be chauffered around he needs to help pay for the costs for the car.

However, I would be tempted to turf him out and let him see if he can rent a room with all mod cons, food, washing etc etc for £600 per month.

Just out of interest what is he doing with £1300 that he needs to borrow from you after a week of just being paid !!!!

What's the point of him?

Yes he should be paying more, you're supposed to be a partnership. You should both sit down and look at your bills and spending each month and see what's fair. It's also not really fair of him to say it's your car when you're using it to drive him around and for family outings, just because he doesn't drive it doesn't mean he doesn't pay for anything car related! It's the family car really so he should be contributing.
DH and me also earn about the same, we put equal amounts into the joint account to cover bills including food shopping. We both have our own cars so pay for them separately but mine is more of our main family car so if we take it on a long trip or holiday he'll pay for fuel

FGS why are you asking? You know the answer already don't you?

This is not a good relationship. Don't plan a future with someone this terrible with money.

Honestly you will be much better off on your own. He has told you you need to cut down on things. That's right, turns out he is an expensive luxury you can't afford. Get rid.

Why are you doing this?

If it’s your place then you pay the mortgage / rent but he needs to pay half of the bills and half of the food. Next time he wants a lift just say you haven’t got enough petrol and can’t afford anymore. If he wants you to swing by the petrol station and he tops up your tank then that’s fine but other wise you cant.

Sorry for the confusion, so household bills I've included rent, gas, electric, council tax etc and also the car/ insurance as I drive us most places we go, to work etc

The bills specifically for the house excluding the car are around £1250 a month and my car, car tax, insurance etc make up the remainder, which is why I'm happy with his £600 contribution towards the bills but questioning if hes right that he shouldn't need to pay for food.

To answer a few other questions, he lives here full time, we rent and have been together two years, living together full time for around 5 months. My child is here 6 days a week.

Oh my god leave I have wasted my adult life with someone like this and I am looking for a way to leave 😞