To expect partner to help with paying for food shops?

[Lunluna09]

So I earn between 1.9-2k a month, my partner earns 1.9k so more or less the same.

We live together and I have a child from a previous relationship, and also a car, which he does not.

The household bills are almost £1700 a month, and he currently pays £600 towards this, which is fine as my car means my share is higher.

My issue is I also pay for every food shop, and also all the petrol, and I drive him around frequently. He thinks he pays his fair share in his words and doesn't need to pay more. I buy all his essentials, deodorant, etc

I'm currently spending £1800 a month on the rest of the bills, food/ essentials for the three of us and petrol and it's bleeding me dry, I've got nothing to put aside, ive had two flat tires this month and nothing to fall back on and I'm really struggling. I've brought it up to him and it's very much 'youll need to cut down on things' with no offer to help out even one week a month with doing a food shop.

He's terrible with money and never has anything left after the first week. If I mention needing more he makes me feel like I'm being unreasonable asking for money from him. He also frequently asks to borrow what little money I have from me through the month as he never has any.

AIBU?

Get him out. You'll get £500 a month from UC and not have to pay anything for his share of electric/food/petrol.

Jesus, you've got yourself a cocklodger. I'd be sitting down and laying it all out. I can guarantee he'll say he shouldn't have to contribute towards your child's food. He's getting away with murder. It should be a 50:50 split given he's taking full advantage of your car too. Any less than that and I'd be rethinking the relationship.

Charge him for use of the car as a passenger. And let him starve if HE is choosing not to pay for any of it.

missed his borrowing money off of you. did he do this before he moved in too?

are you a gullible single parent desperate for a man, any man? please op, he is not it!

Meant to add in your position I'd send him packing as I wouldn't be able to unsee his attitude and willingness to let you struggle whilst he is knowingly taking the mickey.

He’s totally taking the piss! He can’t just pay the house bills. He’s eating the food/drink so he needs to pay £200-£300 more.

Hell would freeze over before I partnered with someone that wasn’t fair.

Tell him he’s right & you do need to cut down on things so from today, he needs to buy all his own food & toiletries.

He is a cf

You don’t say how old your child is but he should pay at least 30% of the food shop cost, more if he has expensive tastes like Gilette razors, steak etc

Stop driving him to work. He should be paying at least a tank or two of petrol each month. (I’m assuming how far away his work is and it’s not antisocial times etc)

^^ These 2 things should save a few 100 and your time. He is massively taking advantage of you and you are allowing him to take money from your child. Wake up and don’t waste you future on this man. He has a fucking cheek telling you to cut down while spending your money.

Let us just look at the money for a second.

Firstly go onto entitledto.co.uk and see if you would be entitled to anything were he to leave.

You say he’s giving you £600 but once he’s out and you have your single person council tax discount, £150-200 a month less spent on food and toiletries for him, however much you spend on petrol, and all the borrowed never-to-be-seen again cash …. how much is it reeeeeally?

We’ve got to be smart but happiness is also a priority. Good luck OP ❤️

This.
Why would you even ask if you're being unreasonable?! He's completely taking the piss and you're allowing him to.

Here’s an idea: any time he wants you to drive him somewhere, pull up your Uber app and type in the address. The cost of the journey is what he pays you. If he wants to benefit from your car, he needs to pay for it. Like you said, tyres and petrol aren’t cheap. If he doesn’t like it, he can: walk. take the bus. call an Uber. buy a car. ride a bike. call his mum for a ride.

So much this!

It’s crazy how so many men take the piss
and crazier still how women let them - especially ones that have a child.

Of course he should be paying towards the food bill on top of his £600 contribution to bills. Why should he eat for free? And he should also be paying something towards petrol etc at least.

I have a mate whose long term partner lives with his parents down the road but he spends most of his time at hers. He eats dinner with her everyday and often breakfast since he stays overnight usually.

It took her about 5 years to finally ask him to contribute towards the weekly food shopping and even then he did it grudgingly.

OP, if your daughter comes to you in 20 years and says that her boyfriend pays for some of the bills, none of his food, none of his toiletries, doesn’t have a car (but expects her to ferry him around, without contributing to fuel), asks to borrow money from her, and berates her for not having enough money to loan him…what would you say to her?

OP doesn't want to answer about money loaned/given but it's a no brainer for food: he contributes.

He pays for all his toiletries.

He absolutely should contribute towards food/groceries/toiletries & he should also be making a contribution to petrol costs if he is directly benefiting from the car (e.g. if you are driving him to / from work).

Of course he should pay for his part of expenses, including food and part of all of the expenses of owning a car, as he benefits from it also. You've got a cocklodger on your hands, OP.

Why would he think you should feed him?

You're not his mum.

How is this man a partner to you?

He sounds like a particularly lazy teen.

Boot him out.

I mean, clearly he should pay more and I’m a believer in paying in proportion to earnings, which he’s not doing

i do note that a previous thread where a woman moved in with a man who had children was pretty firm that he should pay more due to his kids…

Tell him to keep his paws off your food and he can buy his own. Plus all his essentials.

Why on Earth is he not paying for his food?
Or his toiletries.
That would seem to me to be absolutely unreasonable for you to be covering those costs.
The fact he doesn't see that is worrying.

So even if he does contribute his own share for this id still have a concern about his overall attitude.

you are not his mum

ditch this idiot pronto

Of course he should pay for food. Every pound you subsidise him is a pound less available for your DC.

Re the PCP you might not be in negative equity so it might be worth investigating that further (for your own sake, not so you have more money to fund your P). We have two cars on PCP and both are in positive equity at the moment because 2nd hand car prices are so high.

Your child is having LESS because you are subsidising a grown man - why oh why are you doing that?

Why should she pay 2/3?

Hi OP, I know this is an old thread however just wondering how you are?