To expect partner to help with paying for food shops?

[Lunluna09]

So I earn between 1.9-2k a month, my partner earns 1.9k so more or less the same.

We live together and I have a child from a previous relationship, and also a car, which he does not.

The household bills are almost £1700 a month, and he currently pays £600 towards this, which is fine as my car means my share is higher.

My issue is I also pay for every food shop, and also all the petrol, and I drive him around frequently. He thinks he pays his fair share in his words and doesn't need to pay more. I buy all his essentials, deodorant, etc

I'm currently spending £1800 a month on the rest of the bills, food/ essentials for the three of us and petrol and it's bleeding me dry, I've got nothing to put aside, ive had two flat tires this month and nothing to fall back on and I'm really struggling. I've brought it up to him and it's very much 'youll need to cut down on things' with no offer to help out even one week a month with doing a food shop.

He's terrible with money and never has anything left after the first week. If I mention needing more he makes me feel like I'm being unreasonable asking for money from him. He also frequently asks to borrow what little money I have from me through the month as he never has any.

AIBU?

Not if she has hold of the credit card. I do with my partner and it works very well

OP, do not have a child with him. Please don’t, he is not a keeper.

Well more fool you for buying all his groceries then.. why can't you tell him to now buy his own?

Your kindness is being taken advantage of and will do so as long as you allow it.
You are partners - you are not his mother.

Set your own financial boundaries and be clear that you feel you are contributing more to the household outgoings.

I dont know if this would help but my husband and I have worked out how much we put into our joint account each month based on a split percentage dependent on our earnings (this covers all our bills, car and food shop budget - all essentials).

We work this out by dividing your own salary by your combined salary

E.g my salary is £27,005 , my husbands is £39,000. Combined is £66,005.

27,005/66,005 = 0.41 = 41%.

Our household outgoings per month are - 1650.
41% of £1650 = 676.50.

It sounds like your percentage based on earnings would be close to 50/50. If you present this to him with facts and figures, he can’t argue as it’s worked out the most fair way.

i hope this helps and hopefully he will see the error of his ways. Unfortunately, he will continue to abuse your kindness until you’re willing to do something about it.

You are being taken for a total mug. Stop driving him around, completely. Stop paying for his food, do not just any of his toiletries etc. He is not your child, he is your partner, your 'equal'!

I think he definitely will argue it, he already sees the car and her kid as her expenses not his

In all seriousness now, what are you doing with him?! You are not his mother! I honestly couldn't even look at a partner that treated me with such disrespect. He needs to pay up, or get out. I read a lot of stuff on here and rarely comment but I just can't leave this one and I really hope you see it. In fact. Show this to him:

You are not paying your fair share
She is not your mother
You don't get to decide what you contribute when your partner is struggling
Grow. Up.

He's living the dream, £600 to cover all his bills, all his food, free access to a taxi, cook, personal shopper, delivery driver (and I suspect cleaner and clothes washer). Can i be your boyfriend? I can't understand these relationships at all, doesn't he WANT to help you and why would you be with someone who's not a team mate trying to make your life happier!? I think if he isn't contributing your only choice (other than to chuck him) is to bill him for every lift, refuse to buy or cook anything he hasn't paid for and basically go on financial strike unless he's paid for it. Honestly, 5 months of living together, you should be in the honeymoon period, this will only ever get worse and I think it's just not a nice relationship for you.

Dear Lunluna

Why do you allow this? You live together, he's your partner, you should be paying absolutely everything 50-50.
If he insists it's not his job to pay anything towards your child, you could agree a split 60-40. But he's the other earning adult of your shared household so he absolutely MUST start to carry his weight.

If he won't, he can move out. You're not responsible for floating a freeloader, sorry.

Baffled. Half of £1700 is £850 so he's not even paying half the bills, yet you earn the same and if he's paying £600, he has £1300 left a month to spend on whatever he likes. You buy all food, toiletries, petrol, car insurance, fix car & pay £1100 towards the bills, plus have a DD to worry about?? No wonder you are struggling. This guy has absolutely no clue what things cost...you need to write a budget out with him, showing him what things cost with a break down of his share (with admittedly less for petrol & less towards stuff for your daughter but he could chip in towards car insurance since you both use the car), then you say he has to start paying his share or you must separate as freeloading is a deal-breaker for you. Tell him if the half share isn't available on the next pay day he must move out, you then give him the one month eviction notice from that point...if he's not gone, put his stuff outside & change locks (if you rent, unless his name on tenancy, then no prob; if you own the home & he's not on deeds, then no prob)...he will soon learn the cost of living when he has to find somewhere to rent on his own. What is he spending the £1300 on that he then also needs to borrow from you? DD is way more important than this douche.

Is there any particular reason you split it equally in half when you earn more?

He sounds like an entitled shit. Ditch him and find someone more responsible and caring.

You are funding an extra child, a free-loading Man Baby!

Boy, is he onto a good thing - telling you to cut down?!?!? This leech needs to go home to his Mum and see how long before she gets fed up of his constant 'take' and no intention to 'give'.

He's neither use nor ornament.

Whatever pittance he gives you is being clawed back, so he gives you nothing - what's he spending it on, beer, drugs, prossies....?
Get rid of this knobwomble or it'll get worse - my ex SIL's husband had a gambling problem, behind her back he remortgaged the house and spnkd it all away......
Don't be naive ....