Grandparents keep giving toddler milky tea

[MrsTrue]

So for the third (maybe fourth) time me and DH have picked up our DD from grandparents around 6-7pm after they've had her for a few hours to be told she's had 'milky tea'. She's 21 months old.

We don't give her any caffeine at all and has asked them 3 times not to do it, we even offered bring round decaf tea bags for them as we drink decaf at home.

DH picked her up earlier to be told she had it again today. I'm really annoyed it's happened again and feel it's impacting her sleep. Apparently it's so weak ot wouldn't have an impact (it's the teabag they've used dipped in water and a splash of milk).

Am I right to be annoyed, or overreacting?

I did this for dd, the tea bag barely touches the water, it just means they can enjoy being part of cup of tea time.

This reminds me of when I was pregnant and I switched to decaf as was worried about caffeine intake.
Baby was born very prem and doctors would give her caffeine intravenously on a daily basis.

Anywho, a milky tea won't do her any harm. I would be more concerned if they were putting sugar into it.

Overreacting. There's probably more caffeine in half a chocolate digestive.

I think weak tea is underrated as a drink for kids - keeps them hydrated without resorting to sugary squash

I dunno, I think there are more pressing things to worry about than a cup of tea containing 0.00001% caffeine.

It’s fine. She’s almost two! Don’t fall out with your in laws over weak milky tea. Not if you want a free babysitter occasionally.

I'd be annoyed but was surprised when I last saw this on mumsnet that lots of people are okay with it.

Just take round a small box of decaf teabags and say it's great she loves tea at nanny's but can she have her special box. Maybe get a sticky label and write "small child tea" so it's special and some stickers. She'll soon want "her" tea.

Mine were 12 before they had tea. They didn't have sugary squash either (why?!) unless out and about. We just stuck to milk and water at home which was fine.

Even now as teens we don't have coke in the house but they're welcome to it if we go out for a meal etc.

As long as they're not sweetening it with sugar (honey would be less harmful for her teeth) then I wouldn't worry too much about one cup.

However, it's your choice and if the grandparents are repeatedly ignoring the wishes of you and your DH then tell them you'll have to reconsider leaving your DD with them, if you feel that strongly about it.

I mean I guess they should be doing as you ask but I think you're being a bit dramatic.

My 3 year old loves a cup of tea, you literally just dunk your own tea bag in some water and milk for a couple of seconds. How much caffeine do you really think that exposes them to? It's a little OTT imo.

Honestly, you’re just being weird. It doesn’t matter.

For me it’s not the tea. It’s the ignoring my request. My child, my rules.

It seems a bit of an overreaction, the amount of caffeine in it must be homeopathic.

We don't give her any caffeine at all

you know there’s caffeine in calpol? And chocolate?

So this time it’s tea. Next time it’s what? I think caregivers should follow parents rules even if it’s over something tiny like milky tea.

Over reaction.

My toddler son loves his ‘cuppa tea in the morning’, it’s decaf, not dipped in for long, it just tastes like oat milk when I sip it.

I think the most important thing is, you’ve asked them not to do it because you don’t feel comfortable with it. If you’ve provided them with decaf tea, or don’t want the tea bag in it at all, they should support your decision. You’re not requesting they do anything outlandish and so, IMO, you are not being unreasonable to feel irritated by this.

If this was a thread by OP about giving her one year old tea, most posters would staunchly advise her against it, making mention of gut absorption issues, tannins, caffeine, etc and suggesting alternatives ('have you tried Rooibos??')

But grandparents always get a free pass and eternally flustered gratitude here.

Nope. If parents are handing over the care of a child to caregivers, they have to be prepared to compromise on rules. Chilminders, schools, grandparents, nurseries are all going to have their own rules.

The pertinent point here is : please don't do it, oh look we've given it to her again.

On what planet does any child need and must have milky tea?

Why are they deliberately pushing your boundaries?

@Neverpostagain.. I'm sorry but they don't impose food on choices on dc 🤣. Imagine!

Yes but compromise is the word here. That involves a discussion about the rules, not just doing something against the parents request. I appreciate in nursery for example, the rules will likely be more blanket as they are busy and have many kids to attend to. But I don’t see making a cup of tea for a LO as a ‘rule’, it’s just being dismissive of what OP wants for her child. In any case, whatever rules are in a setting, I’d still have to know about them and feel comfortable with them before my child was in their care.

My kids started having a cuppa from about 12 months when they could hold a sippy cup. Then, every day after school we would sit with a pot of tea and a packet of biscuits. They all seem perfectly healthy.

It very much matters that they have specifically asked for something and they are not only being ignored they seem to be relishing in the fact they have ignored them.
It's not normal behaviour and I can't imagine doing that with my own gc to my dads face.

Do you ever ask gps to babysit or help with childcare?

@MrsTrue why are they having her? Ask for her? Or proper baby sitting for you on and regular basis etc

I would not be happy with this at all. There's no reason why an infant or child should have any amount of caffeine.