Grandparents keep giving toddler milky tea

[MrsTrue]

So for the third (maybe fourth) time me and DH have picked up our DD from grandparents around 6-7pm after they've had her for a few hours to be told she's had 'milky tea'. She's 21 months old.

We don't give her any caffeine at all and has asked them 3 times not to do it, we even offered bring round decaf tea bags for them as we drink decaf at home.

DH picked her up earlier to be told she had it again today. I'm really annoyed it's happened again and feel it's impacting her sleep. Apparently it's so weak ot wouldn't have an impact (it's the teabag they've used dipped in water and a splash of milk).

Am I right to be annoyed, or overreacting?

YANBU at all OP. My grandparents gave me warm milk with a used teabag dunked in it as a toddler. I was hooked on heroin by the time I started school!

🙄

You are not overreacting, you have asked them not to do this and they are doing what they want regardless.
its the lack of thought I’m concerned with - not the tea.

What did your parents think though?
That's the point.

I love a good bonkers MN thread

My parents used to give my dd ice cream for breakfast because it was dairy and fruit. I won't even say how young she was when my mum would give her bites from her egg rolls. Now that they are gone it's memory that's very special to me.

Herbal teas can be as bad for teeth as sugary squash because of acid levels. I think l would rather a young child had a cup of "tea" with milk (it is basically a cup of milk as the miniscule splashes of tea hardly make it anything else). In fact, as long as sugar is not added to it, very milky tea is probably one of the best drinks a child can have bar water. My children had milk or water to drink when they were very small and rarely had squash except as a special treat. They all enjoyed their cups of tea every so often. As they grew older, the ratio of tea to milk gradually increased and they drank it more often. As adults, two of the three still enjoy a cup of tea as their favourite drink while the other prefers strong, black, sugarless coffee.

I can’t believe how many people think this is ok. A small child does not need any caffeine and you, the parent, has noticed it is interfering with her sleep.
They could give her a cup of warm milk or decaf tea so she can join in but they insist on trampling all over your very reasonable request and antagonising you by telling you about it. I would return to supervised visits only.

How did it make you feel at the time though? That's key.

Is everyone missing the point where it's affecting her sleep? Her grandparents are selfish and have no respect and don't understand! Educated

I thought it was funny honestly. They baby sat her a few days a week. Had done the same to the othe 5 grands. But where I'm from children are weaned much, much earlier and on adult food. I understand the UK is much different so there it would be more upsetting.

Why is she continuing to rely on those evil selfish DGPs for FREE childcare then?

It's almost like it's a big joke to them. I really don't think there's malice behind it, I think they just think they know best and don't respect our decisions

@MrsTrue I hear you, I know exactly where you're coming from

As long as there not putting it in a bottle it's fine. It also prevents them from being curious wanting to taste hot adults drinks. There are worse drinks they can be drinking. My son and daughter as young adults drink more tea than fizzy pop.

I'd not worry about it providing they don't add sugar to it.

My nephew's first word was dubadee. He meant cup of tea. He was only 5 months old.

YANBU. Outsiders (including grandparents) should respect parents' simple requests for their children.

No matter what anyone else thinks, it's not their place to decide if very weak tea is acceptable or not.

It’s milky tea, not tequila shots.

MN reminds you everyday how much weirdness is out there.

By the way, has the ‘they’ve broken your boundaries’ crowd arrived on this thread yet?

Indeed. I suspect one is a NC

Completely agree with you op. There’s no reason at all for ‘milky tea’ it’s just not necessary at that age.
but drink choice aside you e requested several times now and it’s been ignored and that would frustrate me. That’s not an over reaction in my opinion. X

Why on earth would a grandparent or anyone else give something nonessential to a child that the child’s parents have asked them not to give them?

I’m not a grandparent yet but I hope to be soon. If my daughter or son-in-law ask me not to buy yellow baby clothes/ to only buy yellow baby clothes if I want to buy clothes; to swaddle/ not swaddle their baby - why the fuck would I do the opposite? Doing the opposite is an effective way to annoy and erode trust and rightly so. It’s not hard not to make a cup of tea, it’s very easy. It’s a positive act to make a cup of milky tea and give it to a toddler. It may not be dangerous, presuming they always remember to add enough cold water or milk, but if they will actually go to (minimal) effort to do things the parents have asked them not to, then how can the parents trust them to do things they’ve requested that actually require extra effort like quartering grapes, taking padded coats off before putting the baby in the car seat, “bothering” with every fixing and strap? Babies are very precious and we have evolved to feel anxious and precious about them.

If I found out a dog sitter had given my dog a chicken carcass; fed her from the table and let her go up and down the stairs despite requests not to then I wouldn’t want to leave them in sole charge of the dog again; even though they had owned dogs that never choked on chicken bones; never begged or showed food aggression or injured their joints running down steep wooden stairs, even though they didn’t mean any harm and adore my dog. Why would I expect my daughter to be less fussy about her baby that I am about my dog?

Just yellow clothes is odd once the baby is born and cooked chicken carcasses are life threatening.

I wish I’d given my 15 yo dd milky tea as a toddler. She’s practically stopped eating since she had a seizure last week because she feels ill still and if she drank tea she’d at least be getting some protein in her.

Milky tea is not necessarily for a young child. Ignore everyone saying you're being unreasonable. Plus they keep ignoring you on purpose.

Wow, based on your update you sound very difficult - semi skimmed milk is hardly the end of the world on occasion either. What nonsense! They must very much feel that they have to tiptoe around you. You really need to relax and allow them a little bit of freedom when she is with them.

Milky tea as described will have negligible caffeine in and will not be a factor affecting her sleep. I think you ought to be grateful that they are looking after her for you sometimes and trying to build a relationship with her. They really aren't doing anything wrong, stop trying to micro control everything. It is fine for their to be slightly different treats etc at grandparents.

I wonder if the many people telling the OP she's unreasonable can picture the day when they are grandparents themselves. They take their 1yo grandchild for a few hours and are asked by the parent, possibly their own child, to not give the baby tea or cake. Later they hand the child back and proudly announce that they did both. I mean really? You'd really do that?

As a babysitter you might have to do things a little differently to suit. Maybe the child goes down for naps a little later to fit with your schedule, or the TV is on where it wouldn't be at home. If you think the parent's being a bit OTT, maybe you have a gentle chat and see if there's a compromise. But these people are just being goady arseholes.

This 100%