Grandparents keep giving toddler milky tea

[MrsTrue]

So for the third (maybe fourth) time me and DH have picked up our DD from grandparents around 6-7pm after they've had her for a few hours to be told she's had 'milky tea'. She's 21 months old.

We don't give her any caffeine at all and has asked them 3 times not to do it, we even offered bring round decaf tea bags for them as we drink decaf at home.

DH picked her up earlier to be told she had it again today. I'm really annoyed it's happened again and feel it's impacting her sleep. Apparently it's so weak ot wouldn't have an impact (it's the teabag they've used dipped in water and a splash of milk).

Am I right to be annoyed, or overreacting?

OMG what is wrong with people!! I probably started drinking tea quite young because I am an old fart and that's what people did then!! I drank tea with sugar until there was a shortage of sugar and my mother stopped giving it to us!! I'm 60+ and I rarely drink tea any more!

I didn't offer it to my children and out of the three of them only one drinks tea and coffee!

Mine used to have milky tea in their bottles.
They grew up just fine.
You're over reacting op.

If you don't like what the grandparents are doing, then pay for childcare. You clearly don't appreciate it.

Laughing at how people keep repeating that it's 'milky' tea, as if adding milk somehow magically removes the caffeine.

How much caffeine is in tea ffs?

There is a big difference between a toddler-sized cup of milk with an already used teabag dipped into it (as per OP's OP) and a proper adult brew.

Weak milky tea won't do any harm. You can unclench.

In the past it was really common to get weak milky tea to small children, and it’s probably no worse that squash with sweetners. My 3 year old will have a couple of cups of earl grey a day and if I run out of milk she’ll have it black! Usually with a few biscuits for dunking.

I wouldn’t be giving a 1 year old anything other than milk or water. It’s just unnecessary and you’ve asked them not to. It’s not difficult for them to give her a cup of milk without adding in the tea. Other people might be ok with it but you’re not and they are just doing it anyway.

I’d be super pissed off that you’ve asked them repeatedly not to and they’ve decided they know better than the child’s parents. Breach of trust, no more unsupervised access. It’s not about the tea at all.

Prrambulate
If this was a thread by OP about giving her one year old tea, most posters would staunchly advise her against it, making mention of gut absorption issues, tannins, caffeine, etc and suggesting alternatives ('have you tried Rooibos??')
But grandparents always get a free pass and flustered gratitude here

Exactly. My DM had form for this kind of thing because she likes to to things her way, and is competitive in an 'I know best, what do you know?' way. Grandparents have had their time as parents. Its the need to counteract grandchild's own parents thats annoying. I babysat friends' DCs many a time, if there was something Mum didnt want them to eat they'd simply let me know, it was fine. I didn't feel just because I was doing them a favour they couldn't have a food preference for their child.

You'll need a conversation about it. Good luck though, even if they agree to stop they'll likely still give tea behind your back anyway. I hope they skip the sugar.

I didn't give it to any of my three children because I didn't deem it necessary; however if I had had grandparents providing free childcare instead of having to pay for every minute, I might have thought differently!!

You're the mum so it's up to you not the grandparents

I give my two tea. 7 and 2. It's the same teabag dipped in their cups. And my mum does the same when they are at her house.

it just means they can enjoy being part of cup of tea time.

Which isn't a necessary thing for a toddler. People are mental about tea. What's the rush? OP has asked them not to multiple times, it's almost like they're enjoying doing what's she's asked them not to. Yanbu.

It's not like they're giving them fucking heroin!!

Ohhh this kind of thing really pissed me off when mine were small and just brought back memories!;
So what (looking at some posters) if you do this for your baby/toddler and just "show the mug the teabag" or whatever?;
That's all well and good, good for you, your child etc.
If grandparent KNOWS you don't allow that though, (and sorry but a toddler does not need tea) and does it anyway and then takes great delight in telling you toddler had some tea today or done it again knowing you don't want them having any, it's on purpose and they're being an arsehole.
YANBU

But this is MUMSNET known for being batshit crazy!

I don't see any harm. My DD has enjoyed a cup of tea and a biscuit with her grandparents since she was a toddler, it's a lovely way to bond.

Lots of posters focusing on if it's ok for a child to have tea or not but that's not the part that would irritate me the most. If I asked my in laws (or my own parents) not to give my child something and they did it anyway I'd be seething.

Tea can stain teeth so it would be a no from me as well.

You said it yourself though.
You don't see any harm.
So presuming you're on the same page as the grandparents?!
Not just them doing what the fuck they like anyway.

I get that you don't like it but I don't think worth falling out. Mine has Nesquick at Grandma's which I'm not keen on but I just say it's only at her house and it's only once a week max.

Lots of posters focusing on if it's ok for a child to have tea or not but that's not the part that would irritate me the most. If I asked my in laws (or my own parents) not to give my child something and they did it anyway I'd be seething

Exactly, someone gets it!

I voted UABU. Because being anti-caffeine even for adults signals a fairly extreme attitude to diet. I'm fully anti-sugar, anti-fizzy drinks, and anti-processed food, but a used teabag dipped in water with a splash of milk is not going to harm your DD.

Agree that the grandparents are wrong to go against your wishes. So if this is very important to you, then pay for a childminder instead.

You have repeatedly asked them not to do this and they keep doing it so it's them, not you, who IBU.