Grandparents keep giving toddler milky tea

[MrsTrue]

So for the third (maybe fourth) time me and DH have picked up our DD from grandparents around 6-7pm after they've had her for a few hours to be told she's had 'milky tea'. She's 21 months old.

We don't give her any caffeine at all and has asked them 3 times not to do it, we even offered bring round decaf tea bags for them as we drink decaf at home.

DH picked her up earlier to be told she had it again today. I'm really annoyed it's happened again and feel it's impacting her sleep. Apparently it's so weak ot wouldn't have an impact (it's the teabag they've used dipped in water and a splash of milk).

Am I right to be annoyed, or overreacting?

How difficult is it to not give a toddler tea?! I'd be pissed off at the blatant disregard for my request.

Milky tea is a staple food in the UK.

Couldn’t agree with this more. Can’t imagine being angry about my children sharing cake and a weak milky drink with their grandparents.

Kind of understand the breaking of rules annoyance but they probably can’t see it being a big deal due to the minor level of the “crime”

Cigarette smoke and a cup of milk with a used tea bag dipped in , so weak to actually even call tea, once a week or fortnight are hardly the same .

This. And it really is that simple. You’ve decided no caffeinated drinks, whether they agree or not, that’s the end of it. There are to be no caffeinated drinks.
Suggest it’s time they stop babysitting until they can understand this concept.

I was started on tea this way.

Milky, sweet tea.

I love it dark, 1 sugar now.

The issue of caffeine and whether you all think it's ok or not is irrelevant.

The grandparents have been specifically asked not to something, 3 times, and have deliberately ignored that request. Deliberately chosen to go against the parental wishes. That is the issue.

I'd be withdrawing contact until they evidenced they could be trusted again. If they ignore you on this, what else might they ignore you on. Car seat safety? Holding hands? Going to park on their own? You have to be able to trust that your wishes are adhered to or you'll end up doubting everything they do.

My toddler has herbal teas and water by the way. No squash at all

they probably can’t see it being a big deal due to the minor level of the “crime”

It doesn't matter though, does it? As in if your think it's not a big deal, the parents do.
So why go against them knowing they don't want their child to have caffeine?
Least I know what not to do (hopefully) if mine have kids soon.
I'll hopefully know how not to make them feel crap/undermined.

Oh and if they're arguing about how weak the bloody thing is, I'd be questioning why they need to use the tea bag at all in that case!

The only reason I'd be able to see, would be to disregard a direct request!

And who do you think would be the loser in that event? The people who are providing free child care, or the people who are getting it?

By your parents, presumably?
Not a grandparent deciding they were going to ignore your parent and do what they wanted anyway?

If they're having her for "a few hours once a week/fortnight", with a teabag dipped in and out a cup of tea - is this really the hill you want to die on?

I genuinely appreciate the boundaries issue - but, my DCs don't have grandparents, and I'm thinking it would have been lovely if they could share a cup of tea and a biscuit?

My DCs are grown up now - and, what they've never had they'll never know. But, is this really a major issue?
Are there other boundary issues going on?

Really? So you would never give a small child any form of liquid pain relief?

It’s absolutely bizarre to me that they’re doing this and insisting on it. How inconsiderate!

They aren't going to listen to you regardless of what we think. You'll either have to stop unsupervised visits or pick your battles.

I agree with this too.

I’ve always thought it’s the grandparents place to break the rules a bit. Don’t all grandparents? I remember I always used to stay up late with my Nan playing cards, drinking tea and dunking chocolate biscuits.

As long as it’s nothing too dangerous, relax the apron strings a little and turn a blind eye. Remember they love your child almost as much as you do and would not see any harm come to them. Your child will grow up adoring their grandparents for their little secret treats.

It doesn’t matter ultimately.
If I was paying for childcare and stated a dietary condition I would expect that to be respected. If it was repeatedly happening I would take them out of that setting. It being “free” doesn’t make a difference.
If it was my child I wouldn’t have them babysit if they time and time again didn’t respect my parenting decisions. If OP continues with childcare arrangements that don’t suit her needs as a parent because it’s free, that’s up to her. But I think most people would find alternative arrangements if they were that unhappy about it.

These are not the only two options of hot drink

why not warm milk, herbal etc. it’s bizarre.

why does a toddler need diluted caffeine?

My lovely Irish grandparents did the same for me. With added rich tea biscuits for dunking. It never did me any harm, but it did start me on the way to a lifelong love of a nice mug of tea.

I know about chocolate of course, but is there caffeine in kids calpol? I can’t see anything about that online or on the boxes.

I genuinely appreciate the boundaries issue - but, my DCs don't have grandparents, and I'm thinking it would have been lovely if they could share a cup of tea and a biscuit?
That says it all then, sorry, you just don't know what it's like to have a grandparent always there to override you and undermine you.

I grew up on this ‘milky tea’ from being very wee. It was a dip of the teabag after two other cups had been made from it with a lot of milk to cool it down. Negligible caffeine. A lot more in cold medicines or a few chocolate buttons. If this is the same ‘tea’ I think you’re overreacting.

If they were giving a pint of builder’s that would be different. If they’re otherwise fine and you rely on them or want to keep the peace I’d let this one go. She’s 21 months, I think I’d keep my powder dry for now.

You’ve said not to and that should be the end of it.

I wouldn’t want my young children having the caffeine either. Nor the tooth staining once they want it more habitually.

Giving her milky tea isn't the problem.
The issue is that you've asked them multiple times not to do it yet they've ignored your wishes.
If you put a boundary in place, that need to respect that.