to think 5 months maternity is fine and they can deal with it?

[firstimemumconcerns]

I am half way through my pregnancy with my first. My work pays 5 months full pay and then it goes to SMP. My DH is newly self employed in a business we run together (he obviously does more work on it than me). This means he is home 24/7 and I also WFH.

My job is well paid and it is not difficult. It is a US tech firm and so my bosses are US based and find 1 year maternity is too much (although don't complain out loud obvs). I neither disagree or agree. But I can say the SMP pay is ridiculous and I wouldn't survive on it - I have savings, but I don't want to use it for this if I don't need to. We also have unlimited holidays, so worse came to worst, I could take a week here or there for rest.

I can easily, in my head, have a baby around me / with DH and only taking a break to feed. I don't sit at a desk and zone out. I focus for bursts when there's deadlines.

Part of my reasoning is that work can be a bit cut throat. I would struggle to find a job as well paying for the amount of work and effort it takes from me (six figures, I work a max of 35 hours a week - specialised finance) I don't want a replacement brought in to take over my work and my work is project based, this means that the next cycle kicks off in January and ends in July. So my maternity would be in my down time.

Am I mad? I keep being told i'm wrong and will not cope going back. Obviously this is assuming I do not have a traumatic birth with strong consequences after. Mums tell me I should take a year but I simply don't want to.

My mum would be around to help a LOT (she is far too excited...) and DH is there (his only hours of needing to not have the baby are when I finish work 5-8pm) and baby is booked to go to nursery when he's 12 months.

I'm not quite sure I understand your question, Are you saying you will have the baby around when you work from 5 months to 1 year, with your DH and Mum around to help?

US moms cope because their babies go to daycare (or maybe a nanny) who are set up for and well practiced in caring for babies as young as 6 weeks old. A 5 month old can still be unpredictable in terms of eating and sleeping. 7 month olds could be crawling, a 9 month old walking. If your DH and mum are around that could work but I think you need a proper rota to ensure one of them is always doing childcare and you’re not ever trying to look after baby yourself whilst working.

Ditto.

Is this 2 questions -
1 will I be ok to have 5 months mat leave
2 will I be able to work with baby at home between the ages of 5-12 months.

1 - if that suits you and makes it affordable. Personally, I'd take as much time as finances allow.
2 - not ideal. Baby will probably need a lot of attention. You will need a break from 24/7 motherhood while simultaneously doing paid employment. Your employer might not allow this sort of setup.

If you’re planning to go back and try and work whilst caring for a baby, I don’t think you can insist that your employer “just deals with it”, no.

I really think it is difficult to decide this before the baby is here as you have no idea how you will feel 5 months in, it is a very short maternity leave! I am 5 months in and have no desire to return to work at all, it would be too exhausting!

I went back after 6 months. I was still breast feeding and my OH took some leave to look after the baby. It was fine. I obviously wouldn’t have been able to look after the baby whilst working but I could take breaks to feed him.

I only had 5 months maternity leave with my first (US finance firm) and I had no problem with it, but this was pre-Covid when I went to the office every day, and my baby was at home with grandparents, so easier in that respect. As long as you are prepared, you should be ok.

You certainly can go back after 5 months.

I would be very cautious about having no childcare in place - unless you are suggesting DH only works 5pm-8pm, so one of you will always be available. Indeed, some companies class it as gross misconduct to be attempting to do work and childcare at the same time. Check your contract.

If you have a six figure salary surely you can afford childcare?

Your Employer won’t be happy if they find out you’re working from home while caring for a baby. It’s probably a disciplinary. Whatever you say, there’s no way this would be acceptable for any business.

Your baby won’t be happy to be neglected while you’re working. At five months they need to be played with, taken out into the fresh air and lots of interaction.

Going back to work at five months is fine if someone can look after baby full time like your partner or mum, or you put them in nursery.

I can easily, in my head, have a baby around me / with DH and only taking a break to feed. I don't sit at a desk and zone out. I focus for bursts when there's deadlines and what if baby cries for you and won't settle for dad. If take a year and give notice to return sooner

Who is actually caring for the baby? You're at work, DH is running a business, GPs are excited but not moving in I assume. Babies need it to be someone's responsibility.

And you can afford a nanny so why not that?

Could you get a part time nanny / home help? I think working whilst caring for a baby would be impossible but if your mum and dh help out some of the time and you also have some paid help then it would be OK.

Also it's unfair on a baby who can move to keep taking them away from you if you're in the same space

You may find your contract doesn’t allow you to return to work and not have suitable childcare ( ie not you) im place

you are naive to think you can’t work from home and look after a 5 month old

if course, if you want to return at 5 months and use childminder /nursey , that’s perfectly fine

I took 3 months first time and 6 months 2nd based on full pay length. I was fine going back. You might find it harder working around a baby though. I would suggest childcare.

Can you take 5 months maternity leave and then go back? Yes, absolutely.

can you work at home and look after a 5 month old and do that for 7 months until they go to nursery? No. Absolutely not.

you earn 6 figures. Spend some of it on childcare.

Way back 20 years ago, we had 6 months and it was absolutely fine. Obviously totally knackering, and the lack of sleep could be a killer, but it was manageable.

Lack if childcare though - no way. A 5 months old needs your full attention. By 7-8 months, they are crawling, knocking stuff over, eating stuff, climbing on stuff. You won't be able to work and look after them.

I work for a large US firm from home.
Caring for a child while working is a disciplinary and leads to dismissal.
That is not what wfh is for.
Plenty of us have kids and work arount it with school drop offs etc but actually having a baby or toddler in your sole care on a regular basis will result in being let go.

I don't think OP is planning to care for the baby while working, I think her DH is going to care for the baby throughout the day.

It sounds absolutely doable for the OP, so long as you have an easy going baby who allows you to shower etc while looking after it.

Oh gosh yes if your baby knows you are there at the same time as your dh, you’ve absolutely no chance. It’ll be bawling its head off for you most likely, all day. Only a first time mum to be would think this was an option!

I did know someone who was forced to do something similar during covid. Baby was well behind developmentally due to lack of interaction.

This.

I went back to work after 5 months because of finances. But DS went to nursery- I think you would need childcare

Except he's running a business.

Was self employed and couldn’t afford down time/maternity leave and yes it’s doable. I did it alone @firstimemumconcerns many moons ago with no support around me - society has so much more help out there now and it sounds like you have family support. Absolutely doable and worth giving a go. Good luck.