to think 5 months maternity is fine and they can deal with it?

[firstimemumconcerns]

I am half way through my pregnancy with my first. My work pays 5 months full pay and then it goes to SMP. My DH is newly self employed in a business we run together (he obviously does more work on it than me). This means he is home 24/7 and I also WFH.

My job is well paid and it is not difficult. It is a US tech firm and so my bosses are US based and find 1 year maternity is too much (although don't complain out loud obvs). I neither disagree or agree. But I can say the SMP pay is ridiculous and I wouldn't survive on it - I have savings, but I don't want to use it for this if I don't need to. We also have unlimited holidays, so worse came to worst, I could take a week here or there for rest.

I can easily, in my head, have a baby around me / with DH and only taking a break to feed. I don't sit at a desk and zone out. I focus for bursts when there's deadlines.

Part of my reasoning is that work can be a bit cut throat. I would struggle to find a job as well paying for the amount of work and effort it takes from me (six figures, I work a max of 35 hours a week - specialised finance) I don't want a replacement brought in to take over my work and my work is project based, this means that the next cycle kicks off in January and ends in July. So my maternity would be in my down time.

Am I mad? I keep being told i'm wrong and will not cope going back. Obviously this is assuming I do not have a traumatic birth with strong consequences after. Mums tell me I should take a year but I simply don't want to.

My mum would be around to help a LOT (she is far too excited...) and DH is there (his only hours of needing to not have the baby are when I finish work 5-8pm) and baby is booked to go to nursery when he's 12 months.

If DH only works 3 hours a day 5-8pm. You don't need a nanny.

Is your husband happy to do this @firstimemumconcerns

I think you are equating yourself to your husband. You are not him. You are the mother of the baby. I strongly suggest you will feel differently after the baby is born!
In USA women have no choice and childcare for little babies is normal.

Just see how it goes. Have a nursery place lined up as back up.
Good luck!

Ahh if DH is looking after baby then yes you can 100%. My husband took parental leave when I went back after first one was 3 months old and was fine.

I'm older and the fact you can now take a year still astounds me. I honestly can't imagine having a career (as opposed to a job) and thinking being away for a year is a good idea.

Your plans sounds fine.

I'm older and the fact you can now take a year still astounds me. I honestly can't imagine having a career (as opposed to a job) and thinking being away for a year is a good idea.

Your plans sounds fine.

Maternity leave in France is 3 months, I was ready to go back both times.

Loads of people here do it as your are on full pay for 3 months and then very low after that and childcare is so subsided that financially it makes sens to go back.

Not everything is about money obviously but if you enjoy your job and have a supportive partner it is definitely doable.

How does unlimited holiday work?

Yes you can do this. You'll have 2 people looking after the baby (your DH and your DM). If you're breastfeeding you can aim to get your baby into a rhythm so you roughly know the times of feeds and when to avoid calls, if necessary. I did this. Was working on a deeply time-specific project and got an all day sitter. She looked after the baby and grabbed me for feeds. I felt like a Wonder Woman!! Working and caring for my child, with compromises. Of course I missed my child but knowing she was well cared for and I was succeeding in my career meant it was worthwhile. You don't have to be a martyr to your baby. Not with your husband and mum about.

I had my children when 6 months was the norm for maternity leave so I don't think returning to work when your little one is 5 months old is an issue if you are happy to do this. Similarly your DH being the primary carer while you work could be fine too.

What are your annual leave arrangements? I continued to accrue A/L during maternity leave and negotiated taking leave over a period of 3 months, allowing me to return 3 days a week initially and then 4 days a week for the final month. This really helped ease the transition and worklife balance.

Girl you do you! If you're happy go back after 5 months. Your set up sounds amazing enjoy every moment xxx

5 months mat leave fine

No childcare whilst working not fine. Why is baby only booked at in for 12 months? Just book baby in at 5 months.

I went back to work after 6 months with my first 2 and 12 weeks with my third. DH did his half of the parenting until they went to nursery from 12 months. I worked outside the home for a lot of it (pre covid so hybrid/wfh wasn’t a thing).

Babies grew up well adjusted, I BF all of them until 2+, no dramas!

Do what is right for you and own your choices

I went back after 6 months with ds2 and it was completely fine. Dh took 6 months parental leave and was a SAHD during that period.

She has childcare - her mum and her dh.

This sounds great you have childcare covered and can still be around to BF as and when need to. If you get to 5 months and want more time off then keep the door open to speak with your employer about extending your time off. youll know what’s right for you and your family when the time comes and it’s sounds like DH and DM are very supportive :) x

Most UK people take 9-12 months and have this automatic attitude of "OMG I could never!!" to anyone who takes less.

It's their hangup not yours. 5 months is long compared to how long they get in the US.

It sounds like you don't have much experience of babies yet. They don't just sleep and feed.
Look at getting proper childcare like a nanny or childminder who can give babies the care and attention they need.

I don’t think you are mad going back after 5 months - when I worked in corporate finance one high powered mum worked up until labour and then went back in two weeks.

but no you are kidding yourself if you think you can work from home while looking after a 6-12 month baby. They are stronger - start moving - I was walking at 9 months, so was my hubby and my son - they will not fit in with your deadlines

The going back to work at five months is fine but I’m not sure how your plan would work with a baby that crawls at 7 months and walks at 10 months.

I did 6 months with both of mine and was ready to get back to work as I was bored. I did have excellent sleepers though and they were bottle fed by that point. Breastfeeding and a non sleeper could be an entirely different ballgame. I am the main earner so DH took leave until about 11 months when they went to nursery.

Like you, I am a high earner with a flexible job who does not need to be chained to my desk (Mumsnet finds this hard to comprehend) so I was 'around' and didn't feel like I was being separated from the baby at such an early stage BUT I was absolutely not the main carer whilst also working at the same time. There was never any moment when I couldn't be working when I needed to be as DH was responding to the baby's needs.

I am also in a cut throat industry and knew that my role could technically be changed if I was away for longer than that so I understand that. 1 year of mat leave in not the norm in many areas of Europe (though they have infinitely better nurseries than us!).

Also, not sure why more women dont champion their partners taking shared leave/extended pat leave. It's quite a key element of bringing down the patriarchy 😀

I’ve gone back after 3 months with both mine. It was absolutely fine. In fact, I hadn’t had time to lose touch or fall behind and going back was no different to after a Christmas break really. I felt it made it much easier.

Oh and they were both breastfed. I expressed when I went back to work.

Plenty of couples do 6 months with mum and then 3-6 months with dad, I would do your 5m then take a weeks holiday and overlap with dad then let dad get on with it! If he's being looked after by a loving parent there is nothing to worry about!

That's her husband and mother's problem