For not letting my son go on holiday abroad with his best friend and his family?

[TheAvidPlumRobin]

My son (turning 15 in the summer) and this boy have been best friends for almost a year now. I'm talking two peas in a pod best friends. They're in the same school, but the bestie is 2 years older. They hang out and chat every single day. In my opinion, they have a bit of a weird dynamic because my son sees / treats him like a mentor, and the best friend is the one who takes the lead; but that's beside the point.

The best friend is rich. He's going with his family to the Seychelles (2 weeks) for Easter. Surprisingly, he invited my son (who thought he was just joking at first). Either way, the boy's parents contacted me and we met up to talk. They basically told me that they'll pay for everything (accommodation, flights, food, activities, souvenirs, etc.), and they'd love to have my son come along with them. They said that I don't have to worry about safety and such because the boys are well behaved, and they're eagle-eyed. I said I need some time to think it though.

My husband thinks it's a great opportunity since we obviously couldn't afford such a trip, plus the family has a great reputation. I'm not so sure though. Firstly, I feel uncomfortable at the thought of my son becoming a charity case. Secondly, the Seychelles is very far away, and my son has never travelled that far before. My son is very upset with the no answer, and my husband also believes I'm being unreasonable and weird about this.

I still have some time to change my mind though. I do have some doubts about my decision honestly.

My DD is almost 19, one of her closest friends was 17 last week. 2 years between them. The younger girl is mature and switched on, she has had a lot to deal with in her home life and is a lovely girl. I would hate if anyone thought there was something weird about them being friends.

People are just unhinged about a lot of things. And as for the Seychelles being "the other side of the world", well yes it's a long way, but it's an established, safe holiday destination. The family aren't suggesting a week backpacking through Somalia.

Once me and my brother hit the teen years we took friends on holidays.

U.K. only admittedly but it really does make it much easier for the parents.

It's not about being a charity case. The friend I took was much richer than we were.

I think the age gap and the dynamic would make me cautious tbh OP. If my son was in this situation, it would be a no from me. The distance would also be too much for me!

many valid reasons

She doesn't want charity and he hasn't travelled that far. That's two, and they are tenuous, not particularly valid IMO.

He's 15.

My eldest son went to France with school last year, it was his first trip practically anywhere without us. It was fine. I fretted, because I'm his mother, that's what we do. Not everything is instinct telling us there is something nefarious going on.

They could be a year and 2 bloody days apart in age!! My best friend at school was 2 years older on paper. In reality she was 1 years 6 weeks older. . But for 6 weeks of the year. She was 14 when I was 12 lol. Don't see the issue

I don’t think it’s that strange. My 16 year old has always had older friends. He’s very mature for his age and gets in better with older people.

I think you are being reasonable for worrying about distance. If I were in the same place, my concern would be more about the adults rather than the children. And it might be a stretch, but I would worry about my child being abused by his friend or his friend's family.

Personally, I don't think 2 years is a long enough time to quell these worries/concerns.

If they were the same age, I wouldn't worry too much, but the 2 Yr age gap and the fact that the older boy is the leader would concern me. What if my child is coerced into doing something he wouldn't normally do just because he doesn't want to rock the boat? Or just to simply seem grateful for the holiday?

I wouldn't do it.

The age gap is negligible. Maturity levels in teenagers are all over the place so it's not something you can impose a one-size-fits-all guideline on anyway. And what do you specifically think the danger will be, anyway?

At my school friendships between older kids in different years was perfectly normal. Most of us got to know each other through extracurricular activities etc. By sixth form I don't think anyone socialised exclusively in their year group.

the "worst that could happen" could be that the friend sees this as more than a friendship and pressures DS to do things he doesn't want to. DS feels he can't say no as he's trapped on the other side of the world with someone else's family, who have paid for him to be there. Far too much pressure for a 15 year old. But only the OP would know if this feels likely, based on her interactions with the boy.

My DS has struck up an amazing 2 peas in a pod friendship with someone 2 years difference in age, they met through both sets of parents knowing one another and realised they get on incredibly. I dont see the issue if they've formed a genuine friendship. Not everything has to be about something sinister.

And it might be a stretch, but I would worry about my child being abused by his friend or his friend's family.

Oh my GOD now even the friend's parents are suspected of being potential abusers. Unhinged.

He sounds a lovely boy from your description, with great parents.

Let him go - it’s a total no-brainer.

I would let him go. I understand your reservations as if it was a week in skegness etc you wouldn't hesitate I assume. However they are obviously well off enough to do this and must really like your son to offer. Send him with some spending money for activities and tell him to treat the family to icecreams etc a couple of times.

This!!!!

Just let him go.

I 100% would let him go. I would be over the moon happy if my DD got this opportunity. Not the point but he will always remember you taking away this opportunity!

@Feelinadequate23 according to @Annime that's not it at all, it's all a plot by the parents AND the son to groom and abuse his friend.

Jeezo. How do people live with such paranoia. And as for "it's SO FAR" - 10 hour flight. It'd take you that to drive to Cornwall from Scotland easily. Or to get a coach to Dover, over the channel by ferry, coach to somewhere in western Europe.

Yeah, this is what I thought as well. If he goes we'll give him some pocket money.

I haven't read the whole thread - I'm in the other position sort of in that my DS 16 (only child) has asked if we would take his best friend with us on holiday this year (not Seychelles think Villa in Portugal) as otherwise he would rather stay home and chill with his mates - DH and I discussed it and thought tbf we can afford to pay for his flight and food etc - they've been friends 2-3 years so we said yes if ok with his mum - she said yes (thankfully) - I really hope she didn't think we were asking as a charity case , to groom him or any of the other strange notions on here

Imagine if your son had a friend whose parents were very badly off. You plan a short break to the Lake District and can easily afford to bring the friend, he’d be company for your son, the cost is negligible to you and you’d like to include the boy because he’s pleasant to be around.

That’s basically what this family are doing, just at a higher price bracket. The cost is nothing to them. It’s not charity, it’s planning something that their own son would enjoy.

I think you’re being quite proud about it, because you couldn’t afford the trip your son shouldn’t go. I think there’s some resentment here. Please don’t stand in his way. It’s such a nice thing that’s been offered by a friend you say has been great to him.

From the description of the dynamic I thought you were concerned that they may be romantically involved? And concerned about the dynamic / age difference?

Now that you've mentioned the literature class, maybe the above isn't correct?

If they are both East Asian, are there many East Asian students at the school? If not, I guess that explains why they have formed a bond.

If you trust the parents, and he's a nice boy, hopefully it will all be fine. My concern would be them falling out, but hopefully they will have enough space and be mature enough to just do their own thing and cool off if they find themselves annoying each other.

Wow. Let him go!

I dont get why some people commenting think a two year age gap is weird - it is if your mindset is totally school related. But in the real world no one bats an eye at an age gap. Amongst adults but also with kids. Eg in a home ed context, church social group, dance class, football club etc its totally normal to have friends (including best friends) who are two or three years younger or older.

Bloody hell, I've heard all the reaches now

A 15 year old boy is going to be treated to a holiday with a friend AND his parents for 2 weeks, it's not 2 years locked in a sex dungeon!

Even the OP has said that the 17 year old is a decent chap, and has positively influenced her DS; what's not to like?!? Resentment of the family's wealth compared to your own (OP's) is not a valid reason for him not to go.

Imagine not letting him go because of your own strange assumptions about how this family see you. If he was my kid I'd already have his case packed!

I’ve been to the Seychelles, it’s very safe and sleepy. A 15yo will be fine.