For not letting my son go on holiday abroad with his best friend and his family?

[TheAvidPlumRobin]

My son (turning 15 in the summer) and this boy have been best friends for almost a year now. I'm talking two peas in a pod best friends. They're in the same school, but the bestie is 2 years older. They hang out and chat every single day. In my opinion, they have a bit of a weird dynamic because my son sees / treats him like a mentor, and the best friend is the one who takes the lead; but that's beside the point.

The best friend is rich. He's going with his family to the Seychelles (2 weeks) for Easter. Surprisingly, he invited my son (who thought he was just joking at first). Either way, the boy's parents contacted me and we met up to talk. They basically told me that they'll pay for everything (accommodation, flights, food, activities, souvenirs, etc.), and they'd love to have my son come along with them. They said that I don't have to worry about safety and such because the boys are well behaved, and they're eagle-eyed. I said I need some time to think it though.

My husband thinks it's a great opportunity since we obviously couldn't afford such a trip, plus the family has a great reputation. I'm not so sure though. Firstly, I feel uncomfortable at the thought of my son becoming a charity case. Secondly, the Seychelles is very far away, and my son has never travelled that far before. My son is very upset with the no answer, and my husband also believes I'm being unreasonable and weird about this.

I still have some time to change my mind though. I do have some doubts about my decision honestly.

If they’re both only children let him go. He will have a great holiday and his friend will have a friend to keep him occupied so his family will also have a great holiday.

Do you think there’s any potential that they could have more than friendship?

Let him go. What a wonderful opportunity for your son.

It comes across as you saying no because of your own insecurities. Cut the apron string & let him have fun with his pal.

He’s old enough to remember you saying no.

Yabu to see it as your son being a charity case, it’s just that their son wants his friend to go on holiday with them and they’re happy to pay. Unless you think he’ll be in any kind of danger, let him go.

We have an only DD (currently aged 5) and are likely to be in the same situation as your son's friend's parents in the next 10 years.

We are 100% planning on encouraging DD to invite a friend with us when we go on holiday when she's older, for all the reasons others have said - and definitely not as a charity case!!!!

If it's because you're concerned about him travelling so far then fair enough that's something to get your head around and maybe discuss with the other parents a bit further, but please don't make him miss out on a fantastic opportunity because - and I say this kindly - you seem to have a bit of a chip on your shoulder.

The Seychelles aren’t your top choice destination for a 15yo boy. The friend is going because his parents are going. He’s going to be bored rigid there for two weeks without someone to hang out with.

Don't get a chip on your shoulder about relative wealth. And certainly don’t let it get in the way of an amazing trip like this.

That said: is this a boyfriend - boyfriend situation? Two weeks could be a lot of pressure if it is or could be.

YABU. They clearly want him there as a friend for their son, and it's not bankrupting them to pay for him. Your son will massively resent you for saying no. I was travelling on my own/with friends age 15!

"they have a bit of a weird dynamic because my son sees / treats him like a mentor, and the best friend is the one who takes the lead; "but that's beside the point"

I'd say that is exactly the point and what it made me be wary of the situation. The fact that the other boy is older and that they have a "weird dynamic" is exactly why I wouldn't let him go. If it was Cornwall I'd say ok. The other side of the world? Hell, no!

For the record my DS is an only child and the same age as yours. I wouldn't let him go somewhere where I couldn't access easily in an emergency. Hard no.

I did this as a teen, went with my best friends family abroad and my parents paid for the flight. It was amazing. I’m often accused of being overprotective of my DC but I think I’d have to get my head around it and let them go. It will be a great experience.

This did occur to me too when I read the op.

I'd definitely let him go. What an amazing opportunity! It isn't like it will be just the 2 boys - the parents will be there. As they are both only children, i'm sure it is just a case of it being a more enjoyable holiday for all if the youngsters have a friend to interact with. That sort of holiday would be outside of any budget we are ever likely to have, so i'd love it if someone offered this to my DS when he was old enough.

Sorry, this isn’t helpful but anyone feeling like this could be the start of a sequel called Saltburn 2: Island Madness?

Hmm, surprised more people haven't picked up on the age gap here. Very unusual/strange for a 17 year old to want to be best friends with a 15 year old. Wonder if there's an alternative motive here? OP, do you like the boy?

Wow. If my child had this opportunity I'd 100 percent let them go as they'd never experience it otherwise. They sounds really sensible too and 15 isn't too young and your ds will be old enough to remember this.

Why did you ask your first question?

Let him go!! My daughter is an only child and I love for her to have a friend on holiday so would also pay to take her friend. I don't think that's at all unusual and I certainly don't think of any of her friends as charity cases! But if we're inviting, we're paying. My parents used to do the same for mine and my brother's friends.

Are your DS and this boy a couple?

Seems from your OP that you're massively projecting your own insecurities (charity case etc.). Absolutely let him, such a fab once-in-lifetime opportunity for your DS!

I find it so strange you wouldn’t want this??
you are aware you don’t own your child right???
he’s 15, in 2 years he’ll be driving, 3 years and he’s an adult!

Stop treating him like a child, and holding your power over him, or else the second he can get away from you he will and then you’ll wonder why your adult son wants nothing to do with you….

My son is 15. His bfs mother rang me a couple of weeks ago to invite him on hols with them. She said she would pay. I offered to pay his flights. She refused but I will give her some money for meals out etc..

Their son and your son are both "onlys" - His parents have clearly invited your ds as company for theirs, not because of "charity". Just say yes and let him go. He will have a fabulous time. And you can have a couple of weeks of fun with your dh and friends etc.

I don't really understand your logic for not letting him go. It's an amazing opportunity and will no doubt be a really fun holiday

It is really normal for only children to take friends on holiday.
It gives the child someone to play with and takes the pressure of the parents who get couple time.

Why on earth would you deny your dc this opportunity?

If you dont let him go......... I think you will regret it. And your son may never forgive you. Let him go! You will have to "let him go" and live his own life in a few years eventually - 2 weeks on holiday with his bestpal and family is an excellent place to start.

I would let him go.

Due to the fact that the host boy is older, I would discuss with your son whether he feels able to make choices to not participate in activities that he doesn't like while in his friend's company. I would need to be certain of my son's ability to confidently not drink or do anything silly.
I would also make sure that his phone worked over there.

It is a great opportunity; I did the same as a teeneager, with a friend whose adventurous family invited their kid's friends often.