For not letting my son go on holiday abroad with his best friend and his family?

[TheAvidPlumRobin]

My son (turning 15 in the summer) and this boy have been best friends for almost a year now. I'm talking two peas in a pod best friends. They're in the same school, but the bestie is 2 years older. They hang out and chat every single day. In my opinion, they have a bit of a weird dynamic because my son sees / treats him like a mentor, and the best friend is the one who takes the lead; but that's beside the point.

The best friend is rich. He's going with his family to the Seychelles (2 weeks) for Easter. Surprisingly, he invited my son (who thought he was just joking at first). Either way, the boy's parents contacted me and we met up to talk. They basically told me that they'll pay for everything (accommodation, flights, food, activities, souvenirs, etc.), and they'd love to have my son come along with them. They said that I don't have to worry about safety and such because the boys are well behaved, and they're eagle-eyed. I said I need some time to think it though.

My husband thinks it's a great opportunity since we obviously couldn't afford such a trip, plus the family has a great reputation. I'm not so sure though. Firstly, I feel uncomfortable at the thought of my son becoming a charity case. Secondly, the Seychelles is very far away, and my son has never travelled that far before. My son is very upset with the no answer, and my husband also believes I'm being unreasonable and weird about this.

I still have some time to change my mind though. I do have some doubts about my decision honestly.

I can't see any reason why you wouldn't let him go and if I was your son I'd be fuming.

Let him go. Can't understand your no reason. The family probably glad their son has a friend who can entertain him whilst away on holiday.

No, they're both White. It's a club for people who enjoy reading East Asian literature (translated). They read and discuss different books together.

Hang on a minute OP, you say he cured your son of an eating disorder? What is he now, a psychiatrist?

This is getting weirder by the minute. Two years is like ten years apart when you're teenagers; the "weird dynamic" (your words, not mine); the whole "this boy is brilliant in every way, no drugs or drinking", and now he apparently "cures" your son of an eating disorder? This is such an odd situation.

People who are saying "Oh yes, send him, yabu!", are only thinking of a holiday in Seychelles and seriously missing some of the points made by the OP herself. I wouldn't send my DS. Parenting is making responsible decisions that may cause your DC to momentarily dislike you but you have to look at the bigger picture here. The people going "Whoo, free holiday!" are being really not intelligent or perceptive about the situation.

As a parent of an only child, l would always try and invite a friend along to keep her company. They would probably see it as an investment taking your son. I would let my dd go if l knew the parents were decent people - it sounds like they are.

Let him go OP

It's a chance that won't come again and there doesn't feel to be a real reason to say 'no'.

It's ok - and right - that you should question it. But you've done that and met the parents. It's passed the red flag test I think OP

The age gap is irrelevant, if this was an abuse situation it wouldn't make any difference if the boys were the same age.

For the family offering the holiday, it's clearly not a big deal, it's just a nice thing to do. If you have no issues with them as parents and with the boy, why make one?

There are risks in everything but if there is nothing ringing alarms bells, could you live with having refused that lovely opportunity to your DS?
He must be on tenterhooks waiting for your verdict. All very silly.

Let him go. You would be incredibly mean not to let him go.

Two years is like ten years apart when you're teenagers

No it isn't. At least not always.

When I was 15/16 I hung around with girls who were 17/18/19. I had nothing in common with the girls my age at school. I met the older girls through my weekend job and we got on like a house on fire and they accepted me into their friendship group.

I'm almost 43 and still good friends with one of them to this day.

DS is just turned 16 and his friendship group ranges from 15-19 because of a shared hobby.

By cured I meant they went out a lot and the best friend encouraged my son to slowly feel more comfortable eating in public / with others around. Now my son doesn't have that issue anymore; you could take him to the most crowded restaurant and he'll eat just fine.

I would let him go. He's 15 not 12. Of course I'd feel nervous about it but that's only natural. It is about 14 hours away OP. Took me that long to drive to Scotland OP. It's not the moon.

Omg let him go!!! I thought from the title of your post he was going to be 8 or something but at 15 let him go!

The Seychelles is lovely and not somewhere everyone can afford to go ever so it would be unfair to deny him.

Also the parents seems sensible, they’ve spoken to you about it, reassured you etc. just let him go.

I assumed she meant he'd gained confidence eating out.

I was your son many, many moons ago! A school friend’s parents paid for me to go on holiday, agreed only to Guernsey but I had not been beyond the south coast. They did it for company for their only child and to make their life easier - we were 13 or 14 and entertained each other. I lost contact with the friend a long time ago but I have always been grateful to her parents for giving me such a great opportunity. Let your son go!!!

Your son didn't have an eating disorder ffs. He didn't like to eat in public and going out with a mate has helped him overcome that.

Let him go. The "weird dynamic" you describe is most likely a "big brother" thing. We took a friend of our DS on holiday with us when he was 15, he needed some company of his own age. It certainly wasn't a charity thing - both boys benefitted from the arrangement. You DS will too.

Please let him go. He’d have an amazing time.

I would absolutely let him go, the Seychelles are beautiful islands.

I didn't say eating disorder, I said disordered eating problem.

I wouldn’t be ok with this unless I knew the parents really well and trusted them completely.

I did let my son go in similar circumstances at a similar age (though no age gap but at 15/17this concerns me less)

Ds had an amazing time and still talks of the experience. He is in his 20s now and is still close with this friend despite their lives shaping differently with ds at uni and friend not.

Friends parents just wanted a friend for their single child and felt ds was ideal.

Never once did I see it as charity.

If he's an only child you're probably doing the parents a favour letting your son go as he'll keep him company and give the mum and dad a bit of peace to themselves.

id let him go. Hes not a charity case. The parents of his friend know full well they will have an easier holiday if their own child is entertained. This opportunity is unlikely to ever come again. How many of us get a trip to the syechelles? Mine is 15 in November and if he had this offered to him(and i had met the parents and felt comfortable) i would absolutely let him go.

let him go. I have an only - when she gets to that age I’ll be inviting a friend with us to keep her company. Works for everyone, I have no idea why you wouldn’t let him.

I would be ok with this personally, assuming your son wants to go.