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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not letting my son go on holiday abroad with his best friend and his family?

482 replies

TheAvidPlumRobin · 18/03/2024 11:28

My son (turning 15 in the summer) and this boy have been best friends for almost a year now. I'm talking two peas in a pod best friends. They're in the same school, but the bestie is 2 years older. They hang out and chat every single day. In my opinion, they have a bit of a weird dynamic because my son sees / treats him like a mentor, and the best friend is the one who takes the lead; but that's beside the point.

The best friend is rich. He's going with his family to the Seychelles (2 weeks) for Easter. Surprisingly, he invited my son (who thought he was just joking at first). Either way, the boy's parents contacted me and we met up to talk. They basically told me that they'll pay for everything (accommodation, flights, food, activities, souvenirs, etc.), and they'd love to have my son come along with them. They said that I don't have to worry about safety and such because the boys are well behaved, and they're eagle-eyed. I said I need some time to think it though.

My husband thinks it's a great opportunity since we obviously couldn't afford such a trip, plus the family has a great reputation. I'm not so sure though. Firstly, I feel uncomfortable at the thought of my son becoming a charity case. Secondly, the Seychelles is very far away, and my son has never travelled that far before. My son is very upset with the no answer, and my husband also believes I'm being unreasonable and weird about this.

I still have some time to change my mind though. I do have some doubts about my decision honestly.

OP posts:
RhiannonTheRed · 20/03/2024 17:47

I went on holiday with a friend's family when I was 11. It was in the same country, but there were 10 of them, most I'd never met, and I had a great time. This feels a lot like jealousy to me.

MumtoSENprincess · 20/03/2024 17:48

How about having a chat with the parents and saying this is a great opportunity for your son but you are worried about him being so far away for such a long time when he hasn't been abroad before and offering to pay the difference for him to have a flexible return flight so that if things don't work out and he is desperately homesick, he can come home early if necessary.

Allfur · 20/03/2024 17:57

All this talk of not wanting to accept lavish gifts is silly, it's a 2 way thing, having their sons best friend there on hols is worth it's weight on gold to them

Sahj123 · 20/03/2024 17:58

It’s the Seychelles not Ibiza or Shagaluf lol

Id absolutely let him go to this particular destination because I know how boring it would be for their son to not have someone to chill with as it’s not the most vibing of destinations LOL

depending on your financial situation though I would not be comfortable them paying for everything and would insist on covering flights myself, but that’s just me.

Let him go, and be gracious about the offer xx

Eskimalita · 20/03/2024 18:11

It’s a little unusual for have a best friend 2 years older. Plus they’ve suddenly becomes best friends in the last year.
are the parents of the other child grateful their son has a friend? Is that why they’re paying?
do both boys have other friends their own age ?

Luckylu123 · 20/03/2024 19:03

It’s really really common for people with only children to pay to take a friend on holiday as company for the child. this is not a charity case situation, they are paying because it’s their holiday, and it’s unreasonable to impose such an expense on another family

PinkReader · 20/03/2024 19:28

As a parent to an only child, we often take a friend away on holiday with us. We’ve never once asked for money towards costs but appreciate when child has some spending money and gives a bottle of fizz/bunch of flowers etc as a thank you. Certainly never thought of anyone’s child as being a “charity case”.

I’d let him go so long as you’re comfortable with the family, he’ll have a great time.

Cel03xx · 20/03/2024 20:07

TheAvidPlumRobin · 18/03/2024 11:28

My son (turning 15 in the summer) and this boy have been best friends for almost a year now. I'm talking two peas in a pod best friends. They're in the same school, but the bestie is 2 years older. They hang out and chat every single day. In my opinion, they have a bit of a weird dynamic because my son sees / treats him like a mentor, and the best friend is the one who takes the lead; but that's beside the point.

The best friend is rich. He's going with his family to the Seychelles (2 weeks) for Easter. Surprisingly, he invited my son (who thought he was just joking at first). Either way, the boy's parents contacted me and we met up to talk. They basically told me that they'll pay for everything (accommodation, flights, food, activities, souvenirs, etc.), and they'd love to have my son come along with them. They said that I don't have to worry about safety and such because the boys are well behaved, and they're eagle-eyed. I said I need some time to think it though.

My husband thinks it's a great opportunity since we obviously couldn't afford such a trip, plus the family has a great reputation. I'm not so sure though. Firstly, I feel uncomfortable at the thought of my son becoming a charity case. Secondly, the Seychelles is very far away, and my son has never travelled that far before. My son is very upset with the no answer, and my husband also believes I'm being unreasonable and weird about this.

I still have some time to change my mind though. I do have some doubts about my decision honestly.

Hi the family probably don’t see your family as a charity case, like you said they are like 2 peas in a pod and it’s nice for your son to go with his friend and what an experience your son will have,

Victoria3010 · 20/03/2024 20:16

If it helps, my parents always invited my friends to come on holidays abroad from the age of 14. They would already have paid for a double hotel room as you can't get single ones, it only really worked out one extra air fare and a little more on food and it guaranteed them a more relaxing time as I had someone to hang with. They never saw it as "so and so is poor, this is a king charitable thing to do". They're not doing this because they view him as a charity case, they're doing it because their son will really enjoy the company and it probably won't cost them loads more plus they can relax whilst the boys go do their thing. The Seychelles is pretty safe as a destination and they'll be really careful with someone else's child (i am always more careful/wary with other people's children than my own!) I imagine it'll all just be staying in a resort anyway in that kind of location. He'll have an AMAZING time, and why not plan in some lovely things you can do at home whilst he's away? Send him with some spending money for souvenirs if it makes you feel better...

BlondeFool · 20/03/2024 20:17

Wow. Your reasons are weird. Your son must be so gutted.

Katbum · 20/03/2024 20:36

I dunno mamma. On the one hand - don’t
deprive your boy of this experience because of your own hang ups. On the other hand. Listen to your gut.

HMW1906 · 20/03/2024 21:13

Let him! You say yourself you’d never be able to afford a trip like this, it’s a great opportunity for him but you want him to miss out as you don’t want him to be a charity case.

The family are doing a nice thing by allowing their son to bring a friend with him, it’s not charity, it’s 2 parents wanting to do something nice for their son.

Phoenixfire1988 · 20/03/2024 21:16

Let him go instead of feeling bitter you can't give him a holiday like this it's an amazing opportunity and he will seriously resent you if you say no

Doteycat · 20/03/2024 21:25

Phoenixfire1988 · 20/03/2024 21:16

Let him go instead of feeling bitter you can't give him a holiday like this it's an amazing opportunity and he will seriously resent you if you say no

What tripe.

Appleandoranges · 20/03/2024 21:45

I'm the only one, but I wouldn't let him go. Not for the reasons outlined. But for safety reasons. You don't seem to know that much about the family, only that they are rich. And also they have not been friends for long, so possibly they don't know each other that well either. I'm not sure it's an amazing once in a lifetime opportunity either. In a few years time, hopefully he will be earning money and could go to Seychelles himself if he wants! It's lot of money but not some sort of impossible pipe dream.

Doteycat · 20/03/2024 21:48

Appleandoranges · 20/03/2024 21:45

I'm the only one, but I wouldn't let him go. Not for the reasons outlined. But for safety reasons. You don't seem to know that much about the family, only that they are rich. And also they have not been friends for long, so possibly they don't know each other that well either. I'm not sure it's an amazing once in a lifetime opportunity either. In a few years time, hopefully he will be earning money and could go to Seychelles himself if he wants! It's lot of money but not some sort of impossible pipe dream.

No youre not?
Loads of us know its a batshit idea.

Blondebrunette1 · 20/03/2024 21:53

I get you feeling uncomfortable with him being so far away, I would too but I'd have to let him go as I'd feel dreadful depriving him of a trip like that , especially when he's just a few years shy of being an adult... The charity things, isn't the case either, you can't be expected to pay for such an expensive trip you haven't organised, it's not a charity thing. They asked you.

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 20/03/2024 22:40

Would people be saying the age difference was 'weird' if they'd met at, I dunno, scouts? Rather than school?

Loulou16Stella · 21/03/2024 03:26

My concern isn’t Financial, it’s the dynamics of the relationship that you touched on. Trust your instinct on this one.

bogbabe · 21/03/2024 09:02

Many good reasons to say yes.

Not a single good reason to say no. At that age this will be fun and enlightening.

KWinter · 21/03/2024 09:34

We’ve taken my son’s friend away with us- largely to keep my son (single child) company. Not a charity case, just that we wanted DS to have a friend his age. This is a lovely offer and opportunity for your child, don’t throw it away on his behalf.

PossumintheHouse · 21/03/2024 09:37

So, what's the outcome then, OP? Is son jetting off to the Seychelles?

Doteycat · 21/03/2024 09:52

bogbabe · 21/03/2024 09:02

Many good reasons to say yes.

Not a single good reason to say no. At that age this will be fun and enlightening.

How rediculous.
Plenty of people have given their very valid reasons to say no.

Hallehills · 21/03/2024 15:02

Some of the replies in this thread are nothing short of bizarre 🙄 The age difference is nothing, I had plenty of friends of different ages growing up and it's abit offensive to suggest anything untoward without any reason!

Anyway, first time I got on a plane was a trip to Canada when I was 12 with the Girl guides and we had the best time! I was also taken to Dubai by my besties family when we were younger and I have nothing but great memories from it. I'd have been devasted if my mum had said no! If you know, like and trust the friend and his parents, and more importantly, you trust your son to be smart, I would absolutely give him this chance. Give him a small amount of money to get the family a small gift to say thanks while he's there, ask the parents to keep you updated, make him promise to contact you regularly, and send him on his way with a snorkel and plenty of sunscreen!

ColdWaterDipper · 21/03/2024 16:19

it sounds like a wonderful opportunity. You were entirely reasonable to want to have a good think about it, but it seems from all your answers that actually this would be a great trip for your son and he’s obviously been invited to be company for his friend (only child). We have previously taken our sons friends away with us abroad, not very often admittedly as we have two boys who are very close in age and great friends as well as brothers, but we have taken their two best friends away occasionally. I doubt there is any sinister reason either from the parents perspective or the older boys either. My eldest has gone away with a friend who is an only child, and while they are in the same school year, the other boy is 11 months older than my son. They get on brilliantly and I imagine the same is true for your son and his friend - they are friends through shared interests so age is less of a factor - my sons both have older and younger friends through their sports and hobbies and it would never even occur to me to question if there was grooming or anything like that going on. They are just friends because they have a shared interest or passion for something. My younger son in particular is very mature for his age and has friends at one sport who are 3-5 years older than him. It doesn’t mean they aren’t genuine reciprocal friendships.

I would let your son go, give him his own pocket money and be grateful he has a good friend, and is able to experience this sort of holiday.