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AIBU?

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Original poster

For not letting my son go on holiday abroad with his best friend and his family?

482 replies

TheAvidPlumRobin · 18/03/2024 11:28

My son (turning 15 in the summer) and this boy have been best friends for almost a year now. I'm talking two peas in a pod best friends. They're in the same school, but the bestie is 2 years older. They hang out and chat every single day. In my opinion, they have a bit of a weird dynamic because my son sees / treats him like a mentor, and the best friend is the one who takes the lead; but that's beside the point.

The best friend is rich. He's going with his family to the Seychelles (2 weeks) for Easter. Surprisingly, he invited my son (who thought he was just joking at first). Either way, the boy's parents contacted me and we met up to talk. They basically told me that they'll pay for everything (accommodation, flights, food, activities, souvenirs, etc.), and they'd love to have my son come along with them. They said that I don't have to worry about safety and such because the boys are well behaved, and they're eagle-eyed. I said I need some time to think it though.

My husband thinks it's a great opportunity since we obviously couldn't afford such a trip, plus the family has a great reputation. I'm not so sure though. Firstly, I feel uncomfortable at the thought of my son becoming a charity case. Secondly, the Seychelles is very far away, and my son has never travelled that far before. My son is very upset with the no answer, and my husband also believes I'm being unreasonable and weird about this.

I still have some time to change my mind though. I do have some doubts about my decision honestly.

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 18/03/2024 11:33

Oh let him go, they have the money to take a friend for their son - don't have him miss out because you don't want to be seen as a charity case - I'm sure no-one else will think that

Northumberlandlass · 18/03/2024 11:33

I don’t know why you would say no! It’s an amazing opportunity - I wouldn’t look at it as a charity case either, they may think their DS would have a better time with a friend there & it may give them time to themselves!

Springincoming · 18/03/2024 11:33

Let him go. It's a great opportunity for your son. If you feel awkward about accepting push to pay for his flight or food or offer to take the boy away on your next holiday, even if it's not anywhere near as nice. I went away with a friend and family at that age and it was great. My parents paid for my flight and we went to their holiday home. It was certainly not a charity offer but my friend wanting her friend there on holiday

AgentProvocateur · 18/03/2024 11:33

I think your reasons for not saying yes are a bit unreasonable. The “charity case” comment says more about you than the host family, who are probably delighted to have company for their son. It’s easier with two than one. The Seychelles is very far away, but that’s what’s exciting about it. It’s a great opportunity for your son.

19lottie82 · 18/03/2024 11:34

Let him go. Why deprive your son of such an amazing experience for the sake of your pride?
also, he may hold it against you……… forever.

CabinetofMonstrosities · 18/03/2024 11:35

Bloody hell, let him go!

His parents want him there because he is his son’s bestie. Money clearly not an issue.

Definitely let him go, as long as you trust the parents.

ViciousCurrentBun · 18/03/2024 11:35

Have you met the parents? if you have and are happy with them then why not let him. If the DS is an only child it will also mean they get a better holiday as they can relax whilst those two do stuff together.

Blahblah34 · 18/03/2024 11:36

It's not charity it's using your son to keep their son happy, everyone wins!

socks1107 · 18/03/2024 11:37

I'd let him go. Such an amazing opportunity and generious offer

Minfilia · 18/03/2024 11:38

I’d let him go.

My DD had a friend with her on holiday when she went with her dad for the tween and teen years and it improved it for them all immensely!

Its a very kind offer from the friends family and they sound sensible.

candycane222 · 18/03/2024 11:38

I would have loved to have had the money to bring my dcs friends on holiday sometimes. My parents sometimes used to invite our friends along on our camping trips, back in the days when you could cheerfully cram four kids in the back of a small family car without breaking any laws. We used to have a blast! I imagine my dps enjoyed not having to keep us busy, too.

ComSci · 18/03/2024 11:38

Let him go. It’s a fabulous opportunity and the host family will probably appreciate the company for their son. Your reasons for saying no are about your discomfort which you need to tolerate so your son doesn’t miss out.

Spirallingdownwards · 18/03/2024 11:39

It isn't charity. It helps them that they have someone for their son to hang out with on their holiday. Also they may like that your son is younger as it keeps theirs younger in his outlook and less likely to want to do more adult things.

Think again and see the benefits it brings to their family rather than them thinking of him as a charity case they are doing something to make sure their son has a good holiday too rather than tagging along behind mum and dad.

Cloudful · 18/03/2024 11:41

I’d let him go. I knew a very wealthy family who always invited on of their son’s friends with them on holiday. It absolutely wasn’t charity, but for keeping their son company as he was an only child. The parents are probably thinking of how they’ll keep each other occupied so they can relax on holiday.

jackstini · 18/03/2024 11:42

100% let him go - what a fantastic opportunity for him!
(& it will be great for the parents too - having a friend for their Ds will mean they can have the odd dinner together without worrying about him being in his own)

Next time you go, UK break or whatever, invite the bestie

Cafelattes · 18/03/2024 11:42

Re him being a charity case - they're not doing it altruistically, it's because they want their 17 year old to have company. That's pretty common - my sibling went on holiday with her school best friend (an only child) under similar circumstances.

Re distance, well anything can happen anywhere but tourism in the Seychelles is pretty safe and if the older boy seems a sensible type then that should give you some confidence in his parents.

Rather than a straight yes/no can you think of measures you could put in place to make you feel more assured? Information, maybe spending a bit of time with his family? I do think a flat no is really unfair.

WimpoleHat · 18/03/2024 11:42

Doesn’t sound like a “charity case” thing at all to me. One thing I have learned is that different families can have very different dynamics - and some lean much more heavily on having their kids’ friends involved to entertain their own kids. Sounds like their son isn’t thrilled at the idea of going away with his parents and has asked for his friend to come. Parents probably aren’t thrilled at the idea of their holiday being spoilt by a miserable teen and think friend coming is a brilliant solution to the problem. (I’ve seen this happen in other families; it’s particularly common where there are big age gaps between siblings or with only children, but I’ve also seen it where siblings don’t get on particularly well - having friends there can dilute that dynamic and make everyone behave a bit better!). If your son wants to go and you think the parents are decent and trustworthy, I can’t see the problem.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 18/03/2024 11:42

I'd let him go as well, it sounds like a great opportunity.

Twitch45 · 18/03/2024 11:43

Is it the 'charity' element you're mainly concerned about or the dynamic of their relationship?

I'd feel easier about it if they were the same age I think?

Peridot1 · 18/03/2024 11:43

Is the other boy an only child?

My DS is and from age 13 we took various friends of his away with us. They paid their own flights but we paid everything else. It made our holiday more enjoyable as DS was happy and occupied. There were two boys in particular we took a couple of times so three boys in total including our DS and we are still very close to them today. The last time we all went away they were 17/18.

Platedshoes · 18/03/2024 11:44

I'd let him go.

I went with my friend and her parents when I was a teen. My dad wanted to contribute something, but her father told him in no uncertain terms that we were doing them a favour by keeping friend occupied, which is exactly what this is.

Original poster
TheAvidPlumRobin · 18/03/2024 11:44

Peridot1 · 18/03/2024 11:43

Is the other boy an only child?

My DS is and from age 13 we took various friends of his away with us. They paid their own flights but we paid everything else. It made our holiday more enjoyable as DS was happy and occupied. There were two boys in particular we took a couple of times so three boys in total including our DS and we are still very close to them today. The last time we all went away they were 17/18.

Yes, both my son and the best friend are only children.

OP posts:
BusterGonad · 18/03/2024 11:45

My brother went on holiday with his best friend, similar age, same situation. He loved it. It would be a real shame for your son to miss out because of your own aniexty and insecurities.

WaitingForMojo · 18/03/2024 11:46

I think you’d be very mean and unreasonable to say no, it sounds as though your reasons are more about you than your son or the other family.

If you felt he wouldn’t be safe that would be different but it sounds like they just want company for their common holiday and that the boys would have a fab time. I think your son might always resent it if you say no, and it doesn’t seem as though you have any good reason for doing so.

purplecorkheart · 18/03/2024 11:47

Let him go. It will make it a much more enjoyable holidays for them all. If they are only two of them they will be easy to supervise.

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