For not letting my son go on holiday abroad with his best friend and his family?

[TheAvidPlumRobin]

My son (turning 15 in the summer) and this boy have been best friends for almost a year now. I'm talking two peas in a pod best friends. They're in the same school, but the bestie is 2 years older. They hang out and chat every single day. In my opinion, they have a bit of a weird dynamic because my son sees / treats him like a mentor, and the best friend is the one who takes the lead; but that's beside the point.

The best friend is rich. He's going with his family to the Seychelles (2 weeks) for Easter. Surprisingly, he invited my son (who thought he was just joking at first). Either way, the boy's parents contacted me and we met up to talk. They basically told me that they'll pay for everything (accommodation, flights, food, activities, souvenirs, etc.), and they'd love to have my son come along with them. They said that I don't have to worry about safety and such because the boys are well behaved, and they're eagle-eyed. I said I need some time to think it though.

My husband thinks it's a great opportunity since we obviously couldn't afford such a trip, plus the family has a great reputation. I'm not so sure though. Firstly, I feel uncomfortable at the thought of my son becoming a charity case. Secondly, the Seychelles is very far away, and my son has never travelled that far before. My son is very upset with the no answer, and my husband also believes I'm being unreasonable and weird about this.

I still have some time to change my mind though. I do have some doubts about my decision honestly.

Yep mine wouldn’t be doing that either.

I think, take a deep breath and let him go.

It's a fantastic opportunity. Many can never afford to go to the Seychelles. Let alone all expenses paid. For 2 weeks!!

I don't think there was anything off about the parents otherwise you'd have said in your OP.

If you trust your son and get a good feeling from his parents, let him go.

You can always exchange emails/numbers with the boys mum and make it clear about what you're happy/not happy with him doing (e.g certain water sports).

This day and age you can FaceTime him daily to check in with him.

There are not many opportunities that occur in life. This is one of them !

I would let your DS go

Perhaps, you can invite his DS for a day out or weekend break somewhere in return in the future

@TheAvidPlumRobin
Are you going to let him go?

I would. Sounds like an amazing opportunity.

If you start digging into SA of minors you would be surprised how many occurrences are actually from peers just a couple years older.
Especially given the reference to “weird dynamic” between the two. Being on all expense paid exotic holiday further changes the balance of power in the relationship.
So it is a perfectly valid question.
it is not automatic assumption but it needs to be considered.

Wow when I was a kid my best friend was 3 years older than me. We were total peas in a pod. She was definitely in charge during all our stupid antics but there was zero grooming or whatever going on. We just got on on the same wavelength and had identical interests.

The best friend is turning 16 in your other thread and it's a 2 day birthday party not a trip to the Seychelles.

Good for you.
doesnt mean there are no kids in different situation, or different outcome

You have just admitted she was in charge.
That power imbalance in the wrong hands in the wrong place with the wrong younger child could end up very badly.

I get why wary

It's a long way away. Can't just drive and get him if something goes wrong

And yes a lot of money

But if the family happy to pay and you are happy they are just friends then let go

But get parents round. For a chat and go over stuff

Many mention the age gap

Fwiw

My dd is yr 2. Almost 7. She has a friend in yr 1. Who is 5 and won't be 6 till end of aug

So they are 17mths apart in age but one school year as youngest and middle

That can literally be said about any kids' friendship - there is always someone who is the "leader" of the group in one way or another. My daughter's best friend is the same age as her and yet her friend is the more quiet one in the friendship. No one is grooming or abusing anyone just because one is the more confident/outgoing one.

🍿 👀

Like i said, in the wrong hands.

Your example is irrelevant.

Oh sounds like such an amazing opportunity! But it’s your call

This could be once in a lifetime, what an incredible opportunity!

Well your husband, who has as much right as you to make the decision, thinks he should go. If you were a definite no then it would be 50/50. But as you are undecided that makes the joint decision more weighted in the Go camp doesn’t it?

Yeah let him go. I was going on holidays with my best friend at the time and her family when I was 12/13.

let him go, he'll have a blast and love you for letting him have the opportunity. If you feel the need, contribute financially as much as you can but all in all you are doing them as much of a favour as they are to you.....the boys then have someone to hang with instead of being totally bored out their head!

Sounds fab, just make sure he has some spending money and you offer to take his friend with you on holiday if it makes you feel better. Money has little value to those who have lots - friendship and happiness is priceless let him take the opportunity.

Let him go! In all relationships in life, someone is richer than the other, most couples for example. I could just about afford to take my husband out to McDo, but he can afford to take us out for a nice slap up meal. Why should he always slum it in McDo, when he can take pleasure in treating me well and enjoy my company?

My husband could afford to go on an exotic holiday, I can afford a weekend camping. Why shouldn't we go on adventures?

I don't feel like a charity case. 😅 and my husband gets the pleasure of my amazing wit and charm. Can't put a price on that! 🤣

They are inviting him because he's company for their lad. It's lovely and if you go against everyone else opinion even tho you're outvoted you'll be resented quite rightly forever by son and husband (his opinion doesn't count?).
You haven't even come up with a good reason why not. Tell them thanks but as you can't repay them you'd like to cook them a lovely dinner.

Not quite the Seychelles but my daughter aged 14 went on holiday in Europe with her friend because he was grumpy about spending his holiday with parents and much younger sibling. The parents were happy to pay for her as it made their life easier having someone to keep the moody teen entertained.

Let him go! My parents used to often take my friends on holiday with us and we always had a great time. When my elder 2 dd were teenagers I booked a cottage in the Isle of Wight and a couple of their friends came with us. I wish I could afford to do the same with dd3 as she's the only one left at home and as a 16 year old doesn't want much to do with her elderly parent.

If I was your kid, I'd run away and go anyway

I wouldn’t consider it a charity case. I think this is quite normal of parents of only children. Your son might rebel if you deny him this because of your principles. He’s almost 16 when he’ll be able to go and do whatever he wants.